The girl in the back of the room

[Guest marsha marie clarke]

From my most earliest memories i have always known that I was a girl. In the 60's it wasn't really accepted and was thought that if a boy had these desires that he were some how "ill". Like the quiet child in the back of the classroom, my inner voice and desires always remained in the back of my mind; always wishing, always watching, always crying. In a huge room with no other windows than what i was given to see, or hear I watched as life proceeded around me. Always, waiting for the strength to talk, to reach out to someone, to be reconized. Like the little girl in the back of the class who never speaks or raisers her hand, always wating for the day that society will pick her to come to the front of the class.

I know now that my greatest attribute is that I am a survior. I just wish that I had known this all along. I was born premature, under wieght, and given a 20% chance to live beyond three days, I survived being kidnapped, torcherd, rapped, and strangled i.e. left for dead at the age of 5 in a cold empty field. I was abused, molested, starved, and repeatedly beaten from the age of 6 until I was 9, by two different stepfathers (and their special friends). I was forced to hold down my baby brother while his face was burned with red-hot metal knife in exchange for food. I was urinated on, and was agian violated by teenage step-siblings both female and male. I was attacked and gang rapped by five men at the age of 14, and finally failed at four suicide attempts. I survived.

I managed to enlist in the USMC, and was successful, so as to retire; including obtaining two purple hearts, and a Silver Star. I was wounded, and had to learn to walk again. I went back to school to obtain my MS degree in Geology from UCR, I gained rapid promotion with in the engineering fields to be well respected amongst my peers. I survived . Two marriages, children, grandchildren, house morgages, etc....I survived.

I have never used drugs, or abused alcohol. However, their was a price to be paid for all this. I almost lost me.....the voice in the back of mind was almost silenced. March of 2010 I finally came to the front of room, "they picked me". I didn't just survive.....I now live.

I have now relocated the the South Carolina area, to start my life over again.

My story is as the title suggests, having been quiet, and ignored for years, I still survied to be where I am today. I am a proud that I am now living as a women, and I now live life so happy,,,,

I offer my heart to my sisters and brothers fighting the good fight, and I am always available to listen.

Love, hugs, and kisses to everyone here.

Marsha Marie Clarke

[Guest Donna Jean]

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Hello, Marsha Marie...

Welcome to the Playground

I'm Donna Jean

Have a seat and we'll have some hot coco and a plate of cookies....ok?

Now, I'd like to ask you to be sure to have a look at the forum rules...there's a link at the bottom right of most pages...It says “Terms & Conditions..

And, we moderate this site to keep it safe for everyone..

Honey, I want you to know that I'm probably of the same age as you....child of the 60's...Combat vet of Vietnam...yadda...yadda...

I started my transition at 58 and now I'm 61 and live full time...

"....and I am always available to listen."

so, am I, Hon.....

It's nice to have you ...

Huggs

Donna Jean

[~Nova~]

Holy ....

I had a normal childhood and thought it was bad. I guess you put it perspective.

I'm happy you are finally happy. I wondered who that new girl there was.

[Guest marsha marie clarke]

I am so sorry Donna, I just got typing and got carried away. I will be much more careful in the future.

Thanks for the warm welcome.

Marsha Marie

[Guest Donna Jean]

Posted Today, 09:56 PM

I am so sorry Donna, I just got typing and got carried away. I will be much more careful in the future.

Thanks for the warm welcome.

Marsha Marie

GAHHHH! NO....NO....NO.....

you did nothing wrong!

I ask everyone to read the rules when they join.....

Your post was enlightening.......

It's all good, Hon....ok?

Really!

Huggs

Dee Jay

[Guest Omagdi]

Did you go to UCR as in University of California Riverside?

You went through so much and you are still here. I wouldn't have been able to survive all that. I am at awe. You deserve the best.

[Guest marsha marie clarke]

Yes, University of California Riverside. Then New Mexico Institute Of Tech for Grad school. I shared as I did after reading a few of the other first. I wanted other to know that are younger that they are not alone. I have been in treatment for awhile, and plan on my "birth surgery" about a year from now. I really aprreciate all of you being here,

I am looking for the cookies though (Chocolate!!!!!!)

[Guest Jen61]

Hello, Marsha Marie Clark,

I salute for you endurance and reliance, I admire you much for overcoming some much abuse and injustice and yet achieving so much. I am grateful for your service to the Nation.

Your story and your courage is a wonderful example, a beacon of hope, for all of us to follow.

I am honor to share this forum with you, and to proudly count you as a fellow American sister.

Warmly,

Jen61

[Guest Mia J]

Hello Marsha Marie,

Welcome to Laura's you will fit right in with us old gals. I am going to be 63 next week and have been full time for about 6 months now. Sounds like you are a super survivor. You will find lots of kindred folk here dear.

Mia

[Guest Donna Jean]

I am looking for the cookies though (Chocolate!!!!!!)

Here ya go, and coco, too....

Dee Jay

[JenniferB]

That is a very interesting story Marsha Marie. It reminds me of the old cliche' where truth is stranger than fiction. You have sure had extreme highs and lows. The fact that you overcame a horrible childhood speaks volumes about your character. You are truly a very special person. Plus I believe you can be a major influence to the children who are suffering from being abused or misunderstood, especially by family.

Welcome aboard to Laura's, a magical place because of the caring and love here.

{{{Huggs}}}

Jenny

[Guest Julie T]

From another child of the 60's

Welcome to Laura's Playground. I am glad you are no longer in the back row.

Julie

[Guest Omagdi]

Yes, University of California Riverside. Then New Mexico Institute Of Tech for Grad school. I shared as I did after reading a few of the other first. I wanted other to know that are younger that they are not alone. I have been in treatment for awhile, and plan on my "birth surgery" about a year from now. I really aprreciate all of you being here,

I am looking for the cookies though (Chocolate!!!!!!)

I just had a bar of Hershey's milk chocolate, yum. The simple things in life always give one pleasure.

I currently attend the same school you went too. I am not sure when you attended, but it has changed a lot within the past fie years.

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Marsha Marie,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We have MTF meetings-Mon & Sat 9pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[Michelle 2010]

Glad the little girl made it to the front row Marsha Marie.

Your story is quite inspiring. Many in the Trans community are forced to become survivors by life's circumstance. People who can show that its possible to thrive as well as survive are an asset to our community.

Best wishes

Michelle

[Guest marsha marie clarke]

Thank you everyone for such a warm welcome. I look forward to chating with everyone and to extend my support network to also include you girls here. I am currently in the Palm Springs, Ca. area, and will be moving to South Carolina on September 15th. I hope that my story can help others; so as to, demonstrate that no mountain is unsurmountable: nor is any valley unpassable.

I am proud to become a south-belle

toodles

Marsha Marie Clarke

[Guest Cayla Michelle]

After that, my self talk is jst a buch of pitty talk.

[Guest Robin Winter]

Welcome to Lauras