My first Gender Therapist appt next week

[Guest Julie1957]

I have my first appointment with the gender therapist next week. I don't know why but I find that I'm a bit afraid. I've done a lot of therapy in the past including a couple of years of analysis but this is different. What if she tells me that I'm not a transsexual and it will pass? What if she tells me I am a transsexual - am I ready to do something about it? Do I really want to know what she is going to tell me?

I put off making the appointment for a couple of weeks. I finally did it but I have been nervous since. I'm probably nervous about nothing - it will go well and I'll learn something about myself.

Thank you for letting me whine.

Julie

[JenniferB]

Hi Julie,

If the GT follows the WPATH SoC, she won't write a recommendation letter for at least three months. Even if she did write the letter, you don't have to transition until you are ready. Plus, I doubt she is going to say you are (or not) a transsexual on the first visit. And even if you find you are not trans, at least you are closer to knowing who you are.

I think you just have the jitters and everything will turn out all right.

{{{Hugs}}}

Jenny

[Guest Julie T]

... it will go well and I'll learn something about myself...

You answered your own Topic I think. You are what you are regardless, so tell your therapist how you feel now, how you have felt your entire life. It probably won't be clear what is going on with just a first meeting, but if you are brutally honest it goes faster and you will be on your way to resolution, to wherever that takes you. Please keep us updated?

Julie

[Guest Shari]

Julie,

I had the same fears when I started therapy also. The what if questions can really be troubling sometimes. What I found when I started was some peace at releasing and giving air to things that bothered me for a long time. I sang like a canary!

Be honest and let it flow as you become more comfortable. There's no pressure.

Hugs,

Shari

[Guest Krisina]

As you said. It WILL go well and you will learn something about yourself. Your gender therapist will help you with your dysphoria and make life better for you

Krisina

[Guest Julie1957]

thank you all for your support. It is just the jitters - I don't know what to expect.

I think it will feel good to talk to someone about all of this instead of keeping it to myself. When I was a kid I knew I was a girl. I spent recess playing jacks and jump rope or just talking with the girls. After a couple of months the teacher told me I had to play with the boys and wasn't allowed to play with the girls anymore. Always trying to be perfect, I did what I was told. And I was too embarrassed to ever talk about it to anyone ever again. I forgot about that for a long time but all of the memories started coming back - it explains a lot about my life. But now what? I hope she'll help.

thanks again.

Julie

[Guest Julie1957]

I had my appointment this morning. It felt good to talk to someone about my feelings. But It opened up a lot of unresolved wounds and I've been crying all day. Because of her questions I have thought about some things that I just never considered. It helped me understand my motivations a bit better (I think).

I thought that I dressed because it made me feel feminine and I needed that. But that's not it. I already feel feminine even when I'm not dressed - I dress because it makes the dream of being accepted as a woman seem more real. We discussed that it might be possible that my wife would accept me dressing at home but I know now that it would never be enough for me.

I don't want to lose my wife though. I've pretended to be a man for a lot of years - perhaps I can do it a lot more years. I have another appointment and a lot of things to talk about.

Julie

[~Nova~]

Julie,

That first meeting is always tough. All those fears, all those thoughts come to fruition. Now it's done, you have learned a little an he didn't tell you yes, or no. Only you know, the GT will just guide you to understanding your own decision.

I understand the worry about the wife. I think most of us do. I'm one of the few lucky ones that had a spouse stay. Things have changed, but sheis still there. Not as my wife, but I don't care about labels. :-)

Good luck

Love you all

Autumn

[Guest Mia J]

Hi Julie,

I am glad you had that first appointment. It is normal for it to open up a lot of questions and as you go on they will start sorting themselves out. Only you can decide if you should transition or how far you should go. Taking our families into account is an important part of that but the bottom line is what you can live with. If you can survive and be reasonably happy without transition then that may be the way to go.

I would suggest that you continue to see your G.T. for at least several months to see what direction you want to proceed in.

Mia

[Guest Julie1957]

Thank you for your advice and support. The session did open the floodgates to a lot of emotional issues (the crying continues). Now starts the sorting out process. I do plan to continue with therapy as long as it takes.

Julie

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Julie......

I totally understand as does many, many here....Therapy will open the floodgates....

I totally respect you going...yes, it will bring up things that are buried..it's best to explore it all...

Good luck on you, Hon!

Dee Jay