♥ Greetings and Salutations ♥

[Guest TheCanadianVegan]

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▓My Introduction ▓

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I tend to ramble, so this may end up lengthy, sorry ahead of time.

K, so I'm currently a 17 yr/old female, however I have a horrible birth defect that makes my have a male body

Pretty much my whole life I knew I was a girl, I remember idk how long ago (probably was like 9 or 10), I got caught my my sister trying on her bras, which made this VERY awkward for a while

I remember in grade in maybe grade 3 or 4 asking my female friends "how" to be a girl and they were my teachers

Thinking back they gave crappy advice, it was basically talk higher and wear dresses

I also never wanted to hang out with the boys, id rather play with the girls. Why not? The boys were all mean and rough and did gross things like eat worms and play with dead squirrels they found (ew, unsanitary much?)

However I quickly learned how to act in order to not be teased, although I still was, just not as much.

SO basically I kept my feelings deep inside me and just acted the way everyone expected me too.

As I entered high school you know it was all the cliche high school your gay stuff (insult of the century :S) and still harboring these feelings I started thinking "Maybe I am, it would sure explain things i guess"

So I tried that out for a bit, and it made me feel better. For like a day.

I eventually seen a show on transgendered teens on like Oprah or Dr Phil or IDK somewhere on TV and it all made sense!

I never knew there was anything that could be done about it, but now I knew there was, it was exciting.

At this time i was SUPER depressed, although Im a great actor (altho happiness is the easiest emotion to fake imho) so nobody knew.

I was started cutting myself and also not doing any school work, and because of that failed half my classes and just barely past the rest (low 50's) and also just sleeping ALL the time (late for school, sleep as soon as I get home till dinner)

I eventually stopped cutting myself luckily (although i still do have urges, i control them), and wanna know what helped me stop the most (a bit off topic sry), I stopped going to a "Self Injury Support forum". basically all it was was cutter posting pictures of the cutting and ranted about there crappy lives and how much life sucked, it was like trigger central :S Although maybe I just found a bad site :/

Worse is that fact that my mom and dad are homophobes of the year 17 years running

my mom brings religion into it, which is never fun.

And my dad is not religious by ANY stretch of the imagination, however he's just judgmental. Don't get me wrong, if your the type of person he accepts, he's a great person, but he's got such a long list of what is "wrong" its ridiculous. (as example I remember a time my dad was laughing and making fun of an actor on a commercial because he had "a huge nose", like comon!)

Anywho but I 'came out' to a good friend, and she was all cool which was fantastic.

We ended up going to the movies and it was my first time all dressed up and it was great! She brought clothes and her and another friend did my makeup and then we got burgers and saw a movie Good night, although also very sad because after only a couple of hours I had to take it all off and go back to my normal depressing life

When I got home I guess didn't get all the eyeliner off and my mom saw. So I was lectured and yelled at for like 20 minutes about how wrong it is and its for girls, and Im a guy (thnx for reminding me :'( )

Luckly she didn't find out about what else happened

So basically here I am, about to go into Gr 12 in like a week, as a guy, again. New school, nobody to turn to, extremely judgmental parents, shame, a history of cutting, depression and ya, its gunna suck :/

As far as my current plan It's just move out as fast as I can get a job, and start transition, however in my plan I don't plan on telling my parents...does this make me a bad person? Even if I KNOW they wouldn't accept me?

Also plus because of my year of depression and horrendous grades, I don't have the marks or courses to do what I want to do for a living.

Oh, and to add onto my crappy life? I HATE eating animals hate it, i want so bad to be a vegan (hence my name, im not yet tho), every time I eat meat all I can think of is a poor animals being slaughtered so I can eat even though I know they don't have to. However my parents won't let me, you know the whole you need protein and B12 and all that.

Well they would let me probably knowing them but it would be "Buy your own food then" And seeing as I don't have a job thats not gunna work

So basically that's me.

Im scared honestly, I don't want to end up the stereotypical you know 5 o-clock shadow huge muscle buff Transgender type stereotype, which Im afraid Im going to if I transition eventually, BUT I can't stand living like this anymore

Oh and my name is official charlie, but If I had of been born properly I would have loved Sarah, I always though it to be a lovely name ♥

Peace♥

Oh and sorry for this being a textbook on my life. Too long? I guess ill find out if this get approved

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hello Sarah

Welcome to the Playground

I'm Donna Jean

Naw, it's not too long...

Have a seat with me and we'll share some hot coco and a plate of cookies....ok?

Now, I'd like to ask you to be sure to have a look at the forum rules...there's a link at the bottom right of most pages...It says “Terms & Conditions..

And, we moderate this site to keep it safe for everyone..

It's so nice to have you with us!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Miss_Construe]

Hey Sarah,

Welcome to Laura's. I am not sure if letting you have a plate of cookies is a sardonic pun concerning tracking cookies, but in either case it is awesome.

I think you will fit right in here. The only conformity here is being (mostly) nice and caring to others.

April

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Sarah,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We have MTF meetings-Mon & Sat 9pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[Guest Mia J]

Welcome Sarah,

Nice name. Glad to have you here on Laura's.

You will find that there are a lot of others here who have gone through similar issues as you.

It does not sound like your parents are going to be super sportive at this time. You are still young and have a lot of time to explore so what I would suggest you do is to make sure you get good grades in school this year. Then you will be able to get a job that will let you move out in a year or two and have the freedom to do what you want. But, if you don't get an education your chances of a good job are a lot less.

Mia

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Sarah. I'm glad you found us, and happy that we have a chance to answer your questions and ease your path.

It won't be too long before you are an adult and perhaps have an opportunity to take the next steps without having to ask your parents for everything. But you may also find that when it comes to their own children, parents are not as closed minded as you might think. We usually say, hope for the best, but prepare for the worst, when it comes time to tell them.

In the meantime, post, read, and learn. Ask any questions you like, and meet our fine members.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest TheCanadianVegan]

Jeez, so friendly everybody here

For once in my life I actually read the rules first, so ya, already read em, memorized em (ok didnt go that far ), and all good to go not breaking any rules

And really? cookies? who uses cookies? such an insecure method of data storage :S personally i would only ever use MD5 hashed sessions, but meh, but real cookies would be nice ♥

And regardless whether or not I tell my parents, that wont be at least for a couple more years, cause no matter how supportive I think they'll be, im waiting till i move out, JUST incase stuff get crazy :S

and im luckly not (as) depressed as I once was, so I hoping to get back doing good and getting great grades in school

if I can do well and get a better maths course and maybe during the summer get my chemistry I just may be able to complete my goal of getting my botany PhD

ALTHOUGH, that DOES sound like ALLOT of work :S

But wanted it for like, ever, so Ima work hard for it.

anywho, thanx for the lovely welcoming(s), I think this may end up being a good site to be one

Peace ♥

[JJ]

Hi Sarah,

Welcome to Laura's! You've found a great place to be yourself and explore your feelings.

It sounds like you are doing better now and have plans for getting on with your life as soon as you are able. Telling your patents is something you can always decide in the future. Sometimes it s best to wait till you are on your own, In the meantime you can work on your voice and mannerisms and things so you will be ready when the time comes. A gender therapist will be one of your first prioriyies on the road to transition if that is what you choose and your GT can help you with decisions like coming out to parents. This is a long slow process and I like the way you are thinking ahead and not trying to rush.

We aren't therapists, but we will be happy to share our opinions and experiences with you. Please feel free to post as much as you want in any forum whether asking questions, expressing opinions or sharing experiences. You will have access to the PM system and profiles after 5 posts.

I enjoyed reading your introduction and look forward to your posts!

Johnny