Every day things that Make you think about gender

[Guest Micha]

Something hit me, what part of your normal routine or every day activities make you think about gender? just anything at all, even random stuffs. In example. . .

I was shaving in the shower, and wondering why, even though I hate creepy manhairs, I enjoy shaving? It's wierd to me, cuz I don't like beards, I don't like mustaches, but I don't mind goatees, and the actual act of shaving (though a pain in the. . . ) is kind of enjoyable. Maybe it's getting rid of that unwanted hair, but I didn't enjoy getting my back waxed quite so much. So I'm not sure about that theory. Something else about it occured to me though, the way I looked in the mirror throughout the process. We have sliding doors to our shower and I rest a small mirror on top of the doors' fixture, so when I shave I am looking up at the mirror, and I see myself looking up at me. Seems very small and subtle, but it was a joy to think about. I happen to like my green eyes, and seeing my reflection I was like "Oh, hi Micha, don't see this side of you very often. . . "

Not sure I'm making sense, but yeah. . . just wondering if this sort of thing happens to anyone else, and what sort of things have this effect on people?

[JJ]

I loathe shaving. Always have. Shaving anything. My beard is getting to be too much to leave and still too straggly to grow out yet. Yet I put off shaving which you would think would make me feel more masculine-shaving my face and neck. I do like that I can feel the razor on the hairs on my face-a different sort of drag-now.

And I always hated body hair on men. Now I eagerly scan for it but must confess that the new stuff coming in on my fingers and hands does not exactly thrill me. However I am happy as a clam not to shave my legs ever again but hate that the hair on them is thicker than my natal future son-in-law who is quite proud of his hair. Thank heaven my hair is blond or I'd look like Chimp legs had been grafted on to me. How strange all of this really is.

I like not feeling guilty about having things I like and wearing them day after day. And being able to say when someone announces a trip to town that I'll be ready in less than 5 min.

I guess basically one of the big gender things for me kind of encompasses all these things. As a man I can just be as God made me and not feel guilty or like a slob. I mean I brush my teeth and comb my hair and all but the hours spent on hair and makeup are blissfully gone. As is the time being sure I had exactly the right thing to wear and it fit right. Along with the judgments I made about myself based on my appearance. I still like to look nice but the importance and effort I put into it, my involvement in how I look, is just altogether different. Yea!

I think about gender every time I see my legs-and I wear shorts every day in summer -I had not worn shorts for years as a woman-another appearance thing. And every time I walk because I feel so free to just move as me in my own space now. And when I sit because I can just let my body go where it feels natural and no longer care how close together my knees are. Frequently I smile when I see my hands and those short nails that are just part of the end of my fingers now instead of an expression of my gender per se. There are so many things.

I love living as a man! I no longer have to fight every instinct all day every day.

Johnny

[Guest Alder]

The way I sit is the largest thing for me that I notice genderwise, I've never cared about sitting in a properly feminine manner. Unless I'm crossing my legs, then I delight in being able to fully cross my right over my left or vice versa. This could also have to do with my weight which has dramatically decreased and I'm /able/ to do this. If my legs aren't crossed I sit however I feel, usually with a leg up and a ball of person thing with a knee to my chest.

There are many grooming rituals I wish I could delight in, shaving being one of them, but when I do I end up feeling as though i'm too feminine and it throws me off balance. I love being smooth but can't be bothered to go through the rituals mostly due to sensitive skin...... I do like wearing panties though >< and enjoy finding cute pairs of boyshort cut ones with nice designs and often catch myself in the mirror admiring my form(when bound)

[Guest alicewonders]

Never really thought about that one... I just do what ever on a day to day thing... Guess i have always just been able to move in and out of the female and male gender rolls depending on how i felt each day.. On the days i feel more masuclen i move, sit, dress, and act as a born male would... Days i feel more fem i do things that way.. Quite confusing really...

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

I enjoy each new day and after having to do things the same (horrid male) way for years.....I love seeing things through a whole new set of eyes.....

Did you ever see a puppy chase a butterfly or look in a mirror..?

That is how I feel each day......new...new...new....

Donna Jean

[Guest terra]

playing with my hair, dying my hair, looking at my hair, having hair... i could go on, i'm pretty much obsessed with my mohawk lol. i fidget with my nails a lot, which i usually have painted so when i look at my hands, or someone elses hands, especially if thier nails are painted. whatchin eddie izzard (awesome comedian). i suppose quite a lot makes me think about gender, just depends on how i'm feeling i think

thank you for bringing this up though, i'll make a point of remembering specifics on hwat makes me think of gender in the future

p.s. for being all having long hair and painted nails wearing the odd female garment (dungarees, hoodie, slight feminine cut stuff my dungarees sit perfectly for the look i like when feeling particularly both lol they are awesome) i still loooove having a beard and moustache, dunno why, but i just feel so comfy

[Guest alicewonders]

I have always wondered what it would be like to grow a beard and mustache... Find myself looking at my face and imagaining what i would look like with them.. Guess thats one thing i do in this case..

[Guest Alder]

it's not a daily thing...... more like, a yearly thing.... but since it's got me really in a spin(due to having one this morning) Annual exams..... I haven't referred to myself with a female pronoun in quite awhile, especially to my friends.... but after my appointment I did. It threw me through a loop when I realized it, especially since I was feeling so very myself and not female yesterday running around in heels. I now feel violated in my persona!

[Guest Micha]

Bugger, that sux.

[Guest Rowan19]

I'm constantly asking questions about gender, it's just in my nature to question everything be it gender or otherwise.

[Guest Juniper Blue]

I am sometimes able to forget and just "be" but I have a history of being targeted for "gay" bashing ... the last time may have been "trans" bashing .. the kid yelled out , standing with his football buddies "Hey, are you a girl or a guy!" So, when I am walking alone, I feel a sense of anxiety about my gender.

[Guest runner2guy]

Surely a thing that a lot of us in this forum have to think about every day when we are out and not at home - which door do we go into, "ladies" or "gents". And what to we do when we get there?

I work in a pub, and as in any beer-based society like the UK, for the bars we have to provide both doors with ample modern facilities behind each. Myself I enter both, but only because I have to clean and supply them when the pub is shut. For use when we are open, both I and the other staff mostly use the ancient open one outside at the back which is just a sloping floor and a trough and (as a concession) an elderly wooden seat with a hole in it which would make the local health inspectors blow smoke out of their ears, but both sexes and the inbetweens like me manage OK.

[Guest Alder]

ooh, I didn't even think about how often that makes me think of things! I'll me looking at myself in the mirror, semi fuzzy face(depending on the last time I shaved) and binder on wondering if I could get away with the mens room

[Guest Rowan19]

Things that actually make me think about gender these days:

1. Me and mum going skitz at each other everytime she calls me a girl.

2. Girl that I hook up with labeling themselves as bi-curious. Nice, just nice. *Sarcasm*

[Guest Micha]

Bugger.

For #2, that's just further confirmation of the effects of labels. It's more than pointless, labelling causes problems.

[Guest Rowan19]

Bugger.

For #2, that's just further confirmation of the effects of labels. It's more than pointless, labelling causes problems.

Indeed

[Guest Lilith]

Lots and lots of tiny little things...

Sometimes, when I am brushing my teeth or shaving my beard, staring into the mirror a little absent minded, and my eyes wander

down to the lower edge of the mirror, where I think the mirror is somehow different, giving a slightly distorted image, and when I see

a little bit of my chest in there, I get a feeling like I am seeing small breasts, and my mind just kind of stops... eh? what am I seeing,

I look down and of course there is nothing there but... lots of thoughts start pop into my head...

Sometimes, when I am working, sitting down, I unconsciously assume a posture where I keep my legs together and slightly tilted to

the side, (which I for some reason feel to be feminine in someway), and when knowledge of how I am sitting, suddenly gets into my

conscious mind, it tends to have the same kind of reaction again.. my mind just stops, and I start wondering about what and if it

means something...

Sometimes, when I am just walking out there somewhere, absent minded as usual, it just pops into to my conscious mind that the

way I am walking, my hips swaying from side to side, fits somekind of mental image of feminine walking... and again its the same

reaction of... eh? what? and I start to wonder about whether its only in my head, or if others might actually see something and I

feel a little conflicted (the "realization" feels good, but at the sametime I really don't want to attract attention...)

[Guest Chimetals]

yeah, some girls and bi-curiousness just add to the confusion. not all, but some of them do. its an interesting aspect of male/female standards in society, i guess.

every now and then, if im wearing a baggy shirt and my leather jacket (it hides what little i have pretty well) i contemplate if i could go into the mens bathroom. though some days, i think i could walk into there wearing a skirt, so long as i acted like i belonged, but i dont have the guts to try it, nor the acting skills to fake that level of confidence...or the height to be convincing.

i know it sounds horrible, but whenever someone acts chivalrous towards me, or treats me as though im weaker, its as harsh a reminder of my biological sex as menstruation. right up there with my grandma asking me, and not my brother, for help in the kitchen.

[Guest Juniper Blue]

I tend ot absent-mindedly stroke an invislbe beard when I am thinking ... I don't thin much abot this unbtil I read ins socialogy book tha tthis was considered a "male" mannerism. The book went onto show typically "male" gestures and body language and I had to laugh because was like .... "OHHHHH! Well, that's ME!!" I guess I am a MANdrogyne! Get DOWN .... James BROWN!!

Hey, where do think old James was going to when he "got down?" Hmmmm .... never mind.

[Guest Micha]

i know it sounds horrible, but whenever someone acts chivalrous towards me, or treats me as though im weaker, its as harsh a reminder of my biological sex as menstruation. right up there with my grandma asking me, and not my brother, for help in the kitchen.

I empathize. It's old fashioned behavior reminiscent of when gender roles were extremely rigid. Man work, woman cook and clean (and somehow tha's not work?), man no cry, woman is weak. Think we all know the bull of it.That alone rubs me raw, throw in gender identity issues and it dorsn't get much better. Jus today I had something like that. Nurse complimenting me on how well I care for my baby, and I know she means well, but the comparison alone didn't sit well, let alone the thought that there are fathers who don't take care of their babies. Whole thing left me sad and disgusted, and she really was trying to be nice.

I tend ot absent-mindedly stroke an invislbe beard when I am thinking ... I don't thin much abot this unbtil I read ins socialogy book tha tthis was considered a "male" mannerism. The book went onto show typically "male" gestures and body language and I had to laugh because was like .... "OHHHHH! Well, that's ME!!" I guess I am a MANdrogyne! Get DOWN .... James BROWN!!

Hey, where do think old James was going to when he "got down?" Hmmmm .... never mind.

[Guest Luna Selene]

When I see women walking in heels, I feel little phantom compressions in my feet with every step that I see. Also when I see people waiting for the crosswalk. There is something oddly different about how men and women deal with impatience. Lastly, I am truly aware, (and slightly uncomfortable) of my gender when I am with another man, or men and they begin ogling a female. When I don't participate, I generally answer with, "It's cool, I'm a happily taken man." when they answer with the stereotypical (and they pretty much always do) "Yeah but you can look, right?" I get irritated at them for not respecting women, nor themselves, to be so cheap as to window shop. Is it just me, or is there actually some harm in looking? Doesn't it devalue what you have? Anyways, that's what really gets me thinking.

_Luna

[Guest Micha]

When I see women walking in heels, I feel little phantom compressions in my feet with every step that I see. Also when I see people waiting for the crosswalk. There is something oddly different about how men and women deal with impatience. Lastly, I am truly aware, (and slightly uncomfortable) of my gender when I am with another man, or men and they begin ogling a female. When I don't participate, I generally answer with, "It's cool, I'm a happily taken man." when they answer with the stereotypical (and they pretty much always do) "Yeah but you can look, right?" I get irritated at them for not respecting women, nor themselves, to be so cheap as to window shop. Is it just me, or is there actually some harm in looking? Doesn't it devalue what you have? Anyways, that's what really gets me thinking.

_Luna

I whole heartedly agree. I feel it's sexual harassment, and even if the subject doesn't hear it or know what they're doing, if it's offensive to anyone else around them, it's harassment. It also seems to be a symptom of dominance, and that is scary to me. And like you said, it's also disrespectful to their own partners as well, for those who have a significant other. Disrespectful to the target for sure.

And hello Luna, welcome! Your avatar looks wicked cool.

[Guest Alder]

When I see women walking in heels, I feel little phantom compressions in my feet with every step that I see. Also when I see people waiting for the crosswalk. There is something oddly different about how men and women deal with impatience. Lastly, I am truly aware, (and slightly uncomfortable) of my gender when I am with another man, or men and they begin ogling a female. When I don't participate, I generally answer with, "It's cool, I'm a happily taken man." when they answer with the stereotypical (and they pretty much always do) "Yeah but you can look, right?" I get irritated at them for not respecting women, nor themselves, to be so cheap as to window shop. Is it just me, or is there actually some harm in looking? Doesn't it devalue what you have? Anyways, that's what really gets me thinking.

_Luna

I whole heartedly agree. I feel it's sexual harassment, and even if the subject doesn't hear it or know what they're doing, if it's offensive to anyone else around them, it's harassment. It also seems to be a symptom of dominance, and that is scary to me. And like you said, it's also disrespectful to their own partners as well, for those who have a significant other. Disrespectful to the target for sure.

And hello Luna, welcome! Your avatar looks wicked cool.

Well... in fear of being somewhat of a devils advocate/ turning a comment into a debate in a non-debate thread.... While I agree that pervishly oogling someone is simply rude in many ways, I enjoy looking at beauty... and so do so when I see it walk past, of course I don't have thoughts of "I'd tap that" so I suppose it's the context in which the person is being viewed.

As for respect for your partner, it also depends on what your partner finds offensive. I'm in a polyamourus relationship so it may also be a bit different than the standard, we're allowed to appreciate the beauty and sexuality of others this of course doesn't mean running off to 'bone' everyone we find attractive but it by no means shows disrespect to eachother when we do think of other people whom we'd like to be intimate with.

It is disrespectful though to be untruthful about looking at others, if you're partner wishes you to be honest about such actions and thoughts.... So it's all in context.

[Guest Luna Selene]

I am always one for a healthy debate!

And I actually have to agree with you Alder. I dont see shame in appreciating the beauty of another, but what I was referencing was the habit that people have to vocalize those thoughts, regardless of who is around, and how many people walk by. As I type this, I can tell I'm being vague. Also, I'm typing this on my smart phone, so I'm having spelling issues that I just can't ignore. I'll wrap this up for now... My best examples at the moment would be catcalling.

Thanks, I'll try to be more clear when I have a functional keyboard.

_Luna

Ps. Its hard to tell but the black lines end in shiny dress shoes, and the white in red heels! yin & yang for the androgens!

[Guest Kyosage]

There are many things that make me think about gender. For example, I've noticed that in heterosexual couples, the girl is always trying to flirt with the guy and the guy tries to appear nonchalant. Rarely have I seen a guy react to the girl's advances. They just stand there. However, they have no trouble kissing the girl (well, more like devouring her mouth). I just thought that was interesting. If I had a girlfriend, I would be happy that she's trying to hold my hand or hug me in public. =/