Every day things that Make you think about gender

[Guest eliza.d]

from sun up to sunset, and everything in between all i am is girlie. shaving, taking a bath, having hot tea, dreaming, watching tv, sitting, talking, makeup, brushing my hair, my entire response to the world is from the female perspective. i hate seeing or hearing women disrespected....natal femmes too...... my womanhood is all encompassing. i read girlie mags too.

im really no different than those fortunate natal femmes, despite my body, which is every increasingly female, and i am who i am....woman thru and thru.....

Eliza

[Guest Chrysee]

I'm a born Mall rat (and they didn't even exist until I was in my late, late teens! And i mean Malls, not rats.) The reason I mention that is when I go to the Mall I am among young, pretty girls in clothes that I'm far too old to wear and sporting their make-up in ways that would make me look like Bette Davis in 'Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?' And trust me, I'm not exaggerating. I had a professional spend several hours making me up and the picture taken of me after could frighten even the boldest child.

I see gorgeous, sexy outfits with short denim skirts and low cut flyaway blouses and those magnificent denims with flare bottoms and patterns made in rivets across the backside.

And then there's the fitting room drama. I've had several experiences and mentioned them before.

But this is when gender (and the me that I kept locked up) hits me like a wrecking ball.

I have this fantasy about being in my early twenties and not even needing make-up, having finished HRT, and strolling Easton's Beach on a balmy, blustery day to the tune of 'The Girl From Ipanema. Never gonna happen.

Of course even knowing that song dates me.

I feel like I'm in some dreadful movie:

"Mister Sister Does the Mall.'

Now just cast Bill Murray as me and I'll do a one eighty with a full twist off the Burnside Bridge.

[Guest Micha]

Well... in fear of being somewhat of a devils advocate/ turning a comment into a debate in a non-debate thread.... While I agree that pervishly oogling someone is simply rude in many ways, I enjoy looking at beauty... and so do so when I see it walk past, of course I don't have thoughts of "I'd tap that" so I suppose it's the context in which the person is being viewed.

As for respect for your partner, it also depends on what your partner finds offensive. I'm in a polyamourus relationship so it may also be a bit different than the standard, we're allowed to appreciate the beauty and sexuality of others this of course doesn't mean running off to 'bone' everyone we find attractive but it by no means shows disrespect to eachother when we do think of other people whom we'd like to be intimate with.

It is disrespectful though to be untruthful about looking at others, if you're partner wishes you to be honest about such actions and thoughts.... So it's all in context.

Yeah, there is a difference between pervish ogling and sincere admiration, like you said, and tha's key. Admiring beauty can be done without being rude, obscene or sexist. The line between the two types of behavior should be relatively clear. If I say "damn he's got beautiful eyes" tha's not saying I wanna get into his pants. Saying "man I wish I could get him in bed," that would be problematic for me and my lover.

In my situation, I'm married. Exclusively. Z and I admire beauty in others, even together (and it's indifferent to sex, we both talk about men and women who look good), but if either of us were to be perverted or show any sort of lust about it, there'd be some heated discussion (heh, more like I'd have me a nice shiner) about it.

The term "window shopping" when talking about looking at women though, I find that inappropriate and disrespectful. Pretty much anything that refers to another person as an item or object is wrong to me.

There are many things that make me think about gender. For example, I've noticed that in heterosexual couples, the girl is always trying to flirt with the guy and the guy tries to appear nonchalant. Rarely have I seen a guy react to the girl's advances. They just stand there. However, they have no trouble kissing the girl (well, more like devouring her mouth). I just thought that was interesting. If I had a girlfriend, I would be happy that she's trying to hold my hand or hug me in public. =/

That seems totally reflective of the whole dominant/submissive stereotype, and the truth of the reality of it is distressing.

"Devouring."

[Guest Kyosage]

That seems totally reflective of the whole dominant/submissive stereotype, and the truth of the reality of it is distressing.

"Devouring."

Exactly! Society is constantly telling us how men should be dominant and women should be submissive. That idea is really outdated but people still believe it. It's sad. Lol. And yes! Devouring. I think PDA is cute but there are limits. >_<

[Guest Juniper Blue]

These are all great posts ... Luna ... fantastic post and WELCOME!

[Guest Alder]

That seems totally reflective of the whole dominant/submissive stereotype, and the truth of the reality of it is distressing.

"Devouring."

Exactly! Society is constantly telling us how men should be dominant and women should be submissive. That idea is really outdated but people still believe it. It's sad. Lol. And yes! Devouring. I think PDA is cute but there are limits. >_<

-chuckles- my girlfriend has a 'male mentality' if you applied the gender binary to it. She'll hold hands and I can put my arm around her, and now and then steal kisses for hello and goodbye but in generaly PDA is a 'no-no'. I on the other hand.... love to be affectionate, I love to be close and cuddle and hold hands and kiss(not sucking off ones face but little kisses whenever) so I get all pouty when we're someplace public or around to many people and end up laying on her like a spoiled cat in order to get the affection I desire >.>

So I guess I fail at being 'manly' on that note XD unless you consider I'm like a maine coon kitty, "all the loves, all the time!"

[Guest Alder]

To add to the actual topic now!

I can't say it's a thing which makes me think about gender, and more of something that /doesn't/ make me think about gender. Cooking, I feel the most comfortable and the most male while I'm busy in the kitchen cooking. This could be due to the fact that cooking is a big part of my family, and the better of the chefs are male, thus I feel a kinship(other than family blood ties) with the act.

[Guest Rowan19]

-Mirrors. (They always make me notice my chest, bound or not)

-Public bathrooms. (Oh, how I hate them!)

-Relationship stuff, particularly dominance... With girls I'm top dog, but with guys I'm like a lost lil' puppy.

-Girls crushing on me until they find out my bio gender.

-Reciving wrong labels, whatever they might be. (eg. Girl, lesbian, butch, lesbian, etc.)

-The handy man issue.

-Gender tick boxes.

-Religion

-Clothes.

-Guyliner.

[Guest Micha]

To add to the actual topic now!

I can't say it's a thing which makes me think about gender, and more of something that /doesn't/ make me think about gender. Cooking, I feel the most comfortable and the most male while I'm busy in the kitchen cooking. This could be due to the fact that cooking is a big part of my family, and the better of the chefs are male, thus I feel a kinship(other than family blood ties) with the act.

Tha's an interesting concept, things that don't mane you think about gender.

Cooking is great, I love it. In my family, most the men can't do anything off the grill 'cept make an omlette. I think that has more to do with laziness though. . .

[Guest Chrysee]

-The handy man issue.

Excuse me? 'The handy man issue' sounds like a. . .ummm. . .a movie.

Could you explain, please?"

[Guest eliza.d]

Chrysee, are you kidding? I love samba, Misty roses, by astrud gilberto is one of my favorites. we not only trans-cend gender, we trans-cend time and space....to live

and Living is what we do best, we are survivors.....maybe theyll make ashow about us one day... we can only dream.

Hugs, Eliza

[Guest Rowan19]

-The handy man issue.

Excuse me? 'The handy man issue' sounds like a. . .ummm. . .a movie.

Could you explain, please?"

U know, with heavy lifting when people say: 'let the guys take care of it'.

[Guest Luna Selene]

U know, with heavy lifting when people say: 'let the guys take care of it'.

HAHAHA! The cranky feminist that I used to work for said the same thing. Regardless of the fact that I kept mentioning to her I had a bad back. People assume that since I am male I can lift most things. I usually can, but I find it offensive when people don't help, (or at least make an attempt to offer), REGARDLESS of their gender, It's just rude.

[Guest Chrysee]

Ah, that handy man issue.

My partner is in charge of landscape services at a local University. With the recent band weather (as is always the case) a number of large tree branches came down. Before she could arrive at the location, two 'big shots' arrived with chain saws and when she arrived told her they'd handle it and she should go inside, sit down, and stay warm and dry. She left cringing because it was obvious they had no idea what they were doing.

On hearing the story, I entertained a rather cold blooded fantasy involving two macho buffoons and said saws.

And on a personal note, I'm disabled in part due to a back injury, and so no one lets me pick up anything.

But you're right, it's basically swaggering crap.

Cissy

[Guest Micha]

My wife just asked me if she could use my eyeliner.

*SQUEEEEEE!!!!*

*ahem*

[Guest weather_rhythm]

Used to be that I didn't think about gender. But here I am sitting in my boyfriend's boxers and tank top, getting ired at a facebook photo posted of a woman with a caption basically inferring that she was too ugly to be a woman (reposted off of Joel McHale of The Soup). Without getting into too much detail about the person in the photo, I had to use a moderate amount of restraint not to raise the obvious issue. Well, obvious to the folks on these forums.

Gender is an everyday topic of discussion since my SO came out. Come to think of it, it was almost exactly a month ago today. We relate stories, opinions, and observations. We ask questions and hypothesize answers, reasearching and discovering new things almost daily. Before a month ago, I didn't know my boyfriend had been wearing my heels and dresses. Before a month ago I didn't know my lover struggled with gender identity. Before a month ago I would never have probed into my own.

[Guest Micha]

Introspection and revelation. Powerful.

I can't say the same about never really thinking about gender before the realization of andgrogyny overcame me. More than once I felt, knew, I would have been happier if I was a girl. More than once I felt I was more like a lesbian than a hetero male. When role playing, I played both male and female characters, and I prolly had more female characters in my arsenal. It's always been there, but as a shadow without a name.

So it's kind of hard for me to imagine what it would be like to never think about it and thenone day be opened up to the questions, doubts and possibilities. It seems like it would be such a shock, and it would probably overwhelm me. You seem to be taking it all in good stride though, through the coolness and clarity of your posts. I admire that, very much.