A Tired Hello

[Guest JennaS]

First off before I get into talking, I would like to apologize because I am really tired because I stressed out all last night and got almost no sleep. I am currently 19 and turn twenty in three months. I decided to join this site because overall, I know i am transgendered but not really sure of what I am in it. I have cross dressed since I was twelve, on and off because I never had any of my own clothes. I am out to my parents, grandmother, and best male friend. Every where else that I have looked for answers all i see is, rude sexual slurs. I just am really looking for an environment where i can be myself.

Right now i am in one of the most conservative colleges in the states and it stresses me out so much. As someone with aspergers, Sensory integration disorder, and "cross dressing" (not sure if its the right term), i have rough days constantly. I have ranked high on both anxiety and depression tests. It just frustrates me at school because I could not bring any of the small amount of clothes that I have here because of my mother. She worries so much for me and her main concern is safety,which is great of her, but I want her to eventually see me as...well i guess a daughter. I just want to wear women's clothing twenty four seven, as well as take hormones. If i had even clothes I could wear under guys clothes at school I could probably be relaxed and focus more. When I first talked to about this she flipped out thinking that I wanted SRS. It has been a though in my head but I think that I would be very happy if I was just able to take hormones prescribed by a gender therapist. I am heterosexual and it makes me think a lot on how much I want to change. I hate all these stereotypes of guys and how all of the ones around me make me uncomfortable. I also am in a dorm building of all guys and I find it difficult because i sometimes cry myself to sleep or the fact that I want people to not look at my chest because I feel I am missing something, but at the same time I am not wear a shirt because I just hate guys clothes. My mom has tried to help by looking for more femine clothes but I am trying to allow her to realize I only want to wear girls clothes.

I have many regrets in regards to being transgendered. I wish i came out 8 years ago because I missed many things in highschool and also because every single night until i came out i hated myself. It still is hard to love myself but I try because my parents love me... they just think that i am freaky. I personally came out so that I could wear what I want at home and do laundry (lol).

I am the type of person that has to avoid many activities because it would either result in me buying cute clothes or being jealous. I was actually invited to homecoming this year by a girl and refused, knowing in my mind i would be jealous of everyone's cute dresses.

Well enough of mainly an introductory rant. My main interests are art, anime, anything cute, things that feel good (helps with the sensory integration), soccer, and sleeping. I guess I need to balance the sleeping because in one part it is an escape to fantasy but when I wake up i am really depressed.

Thank you so much for allowing me into this wonderful forum. I look forward to talking to many of you.

Sincerely,

Jenna S

[Guest Mia J]

Hello Jenna and welcome to Laura's. It is nice to have you here with us.

Thank you for your introduction. You will find some others here in a similar situation as yours and you will find lots of support from us.

May I assume that you are under treatment or therapy for aspergers? Have you talked with your therapist about you gender issues? They may be able to help you connect with a gender therapist or you and your family may be able to contact one. A gender therapist can do wonders for helping you figure out just where you belong in the gender spectrum.

Mia

[JenniferB]

Welcome to Laura's Jenna

One thing you should know is after you've taken hormones about 1/2 year you most likely will become sterile and not be able to have any children of your own. So you need to take that into consideration. The only way around that is to save your sperm in a sperm bank.

Mia is right in that you need to find a therapist who specializes in gender issues. The GT will help you find your true self and help you decide what you want to do.

Good Luck, especially at the school you are attending.

{{{Hugs}}}

Jenny

[Guest Krisina]

Thanks for the intro telling us a bit about you and what you are going through too.

Welcome to Lauras Playground

Krisina

[Guest JennaS]

Thanks everyone. I currently am in therapy for aspergers and depression. I hope to eventually see a gender therapist but my mom has already flipped out about a few things and seems to be forcing me into a cube. I want to be who I am but I don't want to lose my parents.

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Jenna,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna