Anyone Choosing Not To Transition?

[Guest Huff]

I was wondering if any of you out there were choosing not to take hormones or undergo srs. Why or why not? How hard do you try to 'pass'? Do you really feel like a man or mostly just NOT a female? I ask all this because my own head is a very confusing place. I know that I dislike and resent my female body, but I'm not sure that I want a man's body. I'd like to have a boy's (teen-aged) body, but I'm 26... I just wonder if it's immaturity and the fact that I didn't get to be the boy I wanted to be while growing up or if I'm really androgyne. How does one know the difference (between being androgyne/butch lesbian/FTM)?

[pennyjane]

hi huff, how nice to meet you. yes, some do choose not to transition. in fact, probably more truely ts people don't transition then those who do. it is definately not something you'd want to do as an experiment. one shouldn't do it until he or she is pretty well convinced it's right for them pesonally. you sound as if you are searching, that's a wonderful thing. you do not have to make any decisions until you feel right by it.

some of us do sing the praises of transitioning. for us, it was the right thing and we did it at the right time. you don't hear much about the ones who do it when it wasn't the right thing or the right time. i often think i wished i'd transitioned many years ago. but the truth is i don't know how that might have gone. i went when it was the time, when i felt in myself that i just had not other choice. had i done it earlier, when i still wasn't sure it was the only viable course of action for me, who knows, i may have backed out the first time the going got tought and ended the whole thing right then.

there is a world of difference between a lesbian and a transman. the best way i can figure to explain it in a sexual way, it to look at how you love women. do you love her as a woman loves or as a man? do you want her in a manner you precieve a man wants a woman or in the manner a woman might want a woman? if that isn't clear to you it doesn't mean anything more then that you haven't arrived at any conclusions about yourself. that's not a bad thing. better to take your time, experiment, engage in relationships and explore yourself then to just pick something and do it just to get it over with. no law says you have to settle anything in a hurry. life is about living, not having lived.

yes, i clearly see what you are saying about wanting that nice youthful body we were deprived of. i miss that badly, but....i didn't have it and i never will so i have learned to love the body i have. to want to take care of the one i have. i try to present it in the best way i can. i am guilty of dressing young from time to time. i allow myself that luxury from time to time in proper settings. to live a little vicariously through my dress, claim what little of that youth i can in short little fantasies, then go back to real life. and...well....yes, you've heard it before, but honey, 26 is very young! when i say i dress young that's what i'm talking about.

anyway, keep asking the questions and talking about it. soon enough you will arrive at your own truths. until then, enjoy the journey, it's all good. lotsa love and hope, pj

[Guest Mani]

Personally, I'm going to get get HRT, and top surgury, but I don't want bottom surgury. I focus more on how people see me, then with what I have now. I suppose with how I identify, I'm mostly male. Thats one of the reasons I identify as transgender and not transsexual. I try very hard to pass, though right now most people who see me think i'm a butch woman I hope to change that with the hormones.

How you know if you're a butch woman or lesbian, androgyne, or ftm is very individual. For me, I just had to look at weither I'm androgyne or trans~ ftm, I never identified as a lesbian. For awhile I did indentify as androgyne, then I found out that I identified more male then female, alot more. So now I identify as transgender. I don't know how, or when, or why my thinking became this, so I don't know if I can really answer your question. I guess you'll just have to do alot of soul searching to find out who you really are.

As far as what pennyjane is saying with figuring out if you're a butch lesbian or a transman, I don't think engaging in relationships will help you come to any conclusions (maybe that has to do with me viewing gender identity and sexual orientation as completely unrelated things), and that just might end up with you feeling hurt.

~Mani

[Guest karen_h]

you stole my thunder there pj, but transition is not something to take lightly. it took me many years before i started, and i often wondered if i ever would.

hugs karen

[Zufrieden]

You have some good questions, Huff. Too often "transition" is viewed as a standardized process.

You don't like your body, fine. Then do something about it. That you don't want to be a woman doesn't imply that you want to be a man. Decide what you need to do to be comfortable with your own body. Lying on the coach at home reading a book, how do you want your body to be?

How you present yourself to the outside world is another matter. Some people consider this the important part. Do you?

FYI: I present myself as a man, am on HRT, will probably SRS, might eventually dress as the least fashion-oriented woman ever and will probably "pass" when Hades freezes over.

Z.

[Guest Sophie Jean]

Unfortunately, when most people read the word transition they assume it only applies to SRS. In reality, if you have even simply come out to yourself, you have already transitioned. That is usually the most difficult part. You can completely transition without SRS. It really depends on the person. Sometimes transition is complete before surgery, and sometimes transition is not complete even with surgery. The only way you know the transition process in complete is when you are comfortable as you are and don't need any more steps. The HBSOC are a good way to take things one step at a time until a comfort point is reached.

Take time exploring each step, and you'll know you've reached your destination when you get there.

-- Sophie Jean

[Guest Huff]

Thanks all... lots of good insights. My brain keeps telling me that I've got to have it all figured out NOW, and that's just not helpful. crazy brain... always getting in the way...

btw - what's HBSOC?

Mel

Unfortunately, when most people read the word transition they assume it only applies to SRS. In reality, if you have even simply come out to yourself, you have already transitioned. That is usually the most difficult part. You can completely transition without SRS. It really depends on the person. Sometimes transition is complete before surgery, and sometimes transition is not complete even with surgery. The only way you know the transition process in complete is when you are comfortable as you are and don't need any more steps. The HBSOC are a good way to take things one step at a time until a comfort point is reached.

Take time exploring each step, and you'll know you've reached your destination when you get there.

-- Sophie Jean

[Guest Sophie Jean]

Thanks all... lots of good insights. My brain keeps telling me that I've got to have it all figured out NOW, and that's just not helpful. crazy brain... always getting in the way...

btw - what's HBSOC?

Mel

HBSOC is short for the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care. Part of it is a sequence of steps that lead you through reversible changes before partially reversible and non-reversible steps. It is a process that helps you find your comfort point in transition and ease you through transition as far as you need to go.

[Nick J]

First of all Hello and pleased to meet you

I'm 23 and - fortunately some might say - i do pass for about a 16 yr old boy :| which i guess in a way is good but i hope this is not always the case since others looked past it and see it as not age but that 'feminine' side of me, if you will.

I have been identifying as male since about March of this yr after a failed attempt and a crappy psychiatrist 2 yrs ago. I never identifed as Lesbian but I agree with some of the comments in that not all transguys are 'ex lesbians' I was merely androgyne in the way that i dressed with a slight slant to masculinity in attittude and howi felt about myself, but I had always just assumed I was a tomboy or something similar. Transition for me is basically a mental thing, i dont feel personally that HRT or SRS is necessary in order for me to do so.

I feel that so long as I can walk down the street knowing I'm male.. the fact I get taken as a 'a small levee' doesnt matter so much than if i doubted myself. All the hormones and surgery in the world cant help you if you havent mentally transitioned. I know of TS and Tg people who live as they are without hormones or srs quite happily because in their eyes they have transitioned mentally

- don't get me wrong though, some HRT wouldnt go a miss with me right now, but I need to do a 1 yr RLT for the NHS before they will supply it. I guess I should be impatient, but I'm really not. I'm more of the opinion that it gives me some adaptation time...

And as for the different between butch/androgyne/ftm - i think thats all BS to be honest. i'm not one for labels at all.. you could be a feminine guy or you can get masculine girls, i hate hate stereotypes. You just need to reason with that head of yours, which I know is really difficult cause I'm just fresh to all this myself but youll get there.

best wishes dude and good luck

- Nick

[Guest RootsRadicals]

When I first heard about hormones I was like "no way I'm taking those, I'll get top surgery and then that's it." Then I noticed more and more things that I completely despise about this body I'm trapped in. The curves, the metabolism, the muscle structure, the fatty parts and such.

I also started wanting facial hair and such. Back and stomach hair, not so much but my dad doesn't have much so hopefully I won't either.

[Guest FtMinTransition]

Hi everybody, whats up? I am Nick and I am trying for the first time to reply to a post. I hope I am doing this right.

I plan to go through the whole transition from T or chest surgery first to "bottom surgery". I know this is right for me because I always had these feelings from deep inside which I buried for 10 years. Among many things, I always have had "boy thing" envy from when I was little. I am 23 now, and I still question why I have a uterus, overies, and get my period?! Why do I have breast? Why do I have a girl thing? I do not understand it to this day.

I try to "pass" everyday. I dress as a man full-time. I get upset when called the wrong pronouns and/or ma'am, miss, "ladies" when around other women, girl, anything having to do with my incorrect outer image. I do want the teenage boy body as well at first because thats where naturally I feel I should start. I should start at puberty, and start off correctly. This puberty I went through is not right. Something is wrong and it needs to be fixed.

I think with labeling it all depends on the individual. I "label" myself as a hetersexual male. I feel that I am truly male and I am attracted to women. Well, thats a little bit about me. Hope this helps some FtMs by reading this. Take care all!

- Nick

Please feel free to reply or ask me any questions if you have any.

[Guest NickSister]

I have thought about a partial 'transition' (I'm androgyne) - mainly just taking hormones and maybe some facial hair removal. I don't really hate my body, it is a good body as far as male bodies go yet I don't think it truly represents me.

I don't think I will start HRT anytime soon. My dissatisfaction with my body is usually manageable by the way I dress and act. Also as Nick J says sometimes it is enough knowing what you are internally and just being whatever that is despite what you look like. I question whether my body dysphoria is enough to warrant the risks of HRT so I am not leaping into anything. I want to have more children and my wife would not be particularly happy about HRT. But I think I will go ahead soon and have my facial hair removed.

As for the difference? Here is my take. If you are a butch lesbian then you would be able to say I am a lesbian woman. If you were FTM then you would say I am a man. If you were androgyne (ftm) then you would say I am not a woman but I don't feel I am a man either. Sounds simple eh? Reality is this can be a difficult thing to decide if you are not at the absolutes of male or female. I think our masculinity and femininity can fluctuate too and this can confuse us.

I think if you are unsure then it is worth waiting. Do what you can that is reversible to find out how comfortable you are. Take your time. Interestingly I have noticed a few FTM saying they want to transition to a boys body - it is almost as if it does mirror what you expect to happen at puberty. I wonder if any pre transition MtF's feel like they want to transition into a teenage girl?

[Guest Sophie Jean]

I wonder if any pre transition MtF's feel like they want to transition into a teenage girl?

Me Me Me Me Me. But I couldn't stay there. I'm a parent, too.

- Sophie Jean

[Guest NickSister]

Me Me Me Me Me. But I couldn't stay there. I'm a parent, too.

- Sophie Jean

I'm a rather new parent, my baby is 8months old. She is the best. 8months of sleep deprivation can make you feel like a veteran though

Maybe we are on to something here about the transition to teenager thing...

Either way Huff, it sounds to me like you still have questions about whether you actually want to become a man or not. Interestingly I think I get where you are coming from. I felt a similar way though in the opposite direction. I knew for certain that I did not want to be a man, but was unsure about whether I wanted to be a woman. I guess a good way to describe my current feelings is I am just not male. I don't really want to be a woman even though I have fantasies about it. I feel like I am feminine but not female. If your anything like me it is a confusing place to be.

There is always Partial transition....