Hello

[Guest Boz]

Hi everyone. I'm Boz. I'm new here but not new to transition. I'm a 37 (very soon to be 38) yr old FtM. I've been in transition for a little over 12 yrs and consider myself finished. I've had top surgery and all unnecessary indoor plumbing removed. No bottom surgery but unless they make a transplant possible and affordable I highly doubt I will have any. I've been off the radar for about 5 yrs and am amazed at the amount of information that has become so much more readily available since then. I'm here because when I started transition I had a very hard time finding information or support and I think it's awesome to have a safe place like this now.

The basics on me--- I was born and raised in the south and lived there until I moved far away to start transition. I went through hell all through school because I was never anything close to feminine, came out as a lesbian at 15 which made hell a little hotter, moved out and dropped out 1 week before I turned 18 and ran off for a short period quickly figuring out being an adult wasn't nearly as easy as it looked so I went home and coasted for a couple of years while I wallowed in self pitty and seriously contemplated a 2nd suicide attempt. I finally realized that this was life and although I felt like I was already in hell I had a feeling the real thing would be much worse so I accepted I was never going to be "normal" and "normal" wasn't going to change for me. I could either keep digging an already deep hole or I could start cutting my own path and make the best of it. I went back to school and had a great time watching everyone whisper about that new kid (me, of course ), graduated on honor roll (hadn't seen honor roll since 1st grade, lol) and found my way of getting through.

College didn't last long, met a girl and thought I was settling down. Spent the next 4 yrs getting angrier and angrier about something I couldn't figure out and finding every excuse possible to take it out on my girlfriend. God bless her for sticking around as long as she did, I probably wouldn't have, especially in my early 20's. Then one day I was hanging out at home showing a friend our new computer and the cool new AOL dial up internet we just got and came across a web site about how to make a "packer" using panty hose, hair gel and condoms. I've often wondered what the store clerk thought the 2 very masculine lesbians were going to do with this awkward combination of products they just bought. The unforgettable look on her face said she was definitely coming up with some ideas, none of which were making much sense to her. We went home, made our fake penises and had a blast talking about turning into guys. She left and I spent the next 2 days glued to the computer finding out everything I could about how to make the change and figuring out how I was going to pull it off.

The hard part was going to be how to move forward with this without completely freaking out my friends and family. My girlfriend was behind me 100% but even that was difficult due to her parents still thinking we were just "roommates" and her inability to answer me when I asked what we were going to tell them. Then, like a gift from above an opportunity fell in my lap to move to Las Vegas with the company I worked for. I broke up with my girlfriend, packed my bags and ran like hell with more excitement than I'd ever felt. Unfortunately, the company filed for bankruptcy shortly thereafter and my inner boy was going to have to wait a little longer to get out. I moved back home, went back to my girlfriend and got madder than ever. Luckily, an awesome woman that worked for the last company had the ambition to buy a large portion of the original and liked my work ethic so.... in less than a year I was on the road again.

After moving around a little with the company I settled in Phoenix and decided it was time to get started. I found a different job and went through the first month with tons of anxiety over how I was going to start transition and keep my job. I had no family there, only a few friends that I hadn't told yet, a new girlfriend that I was pretty sure wasn't going to be ok with it, new coworkers that I didn't know well enough to have any idea how they would react, no support group in the area and very little up to date info online. What in the world had I gotten myself into? Then, another amazing door opened! I was talking to my boss and for some reason (looking back, she probably knew and was helping me out) she started telling me about her brother-in-law that recently became her sister-in-law and her goal to finish her master's and begin counseling trans-folks. AWESOME! I started T a week later and she helped me talk to the rest of the staff and eased the name change process. I had the great fortune of being with that job until I was 100% passable and comfortable in my new man skin Since then, I've lived a few different cities, loved and lost a few more women and grown into myself.

Now, I'm living in the wild wild west again, in school finishing my degree and enjoying my life. I'm really excited about being able to support other people in the community and learn about all the new stuff out there. I've used the same type packer in my own homemade harness for years and I'm really impressed with the advancements!

So, there's my story. If there's anything I can do to contribute please let me know and feel free to contact me anytime (after I reach my 5 post minimum that is). I'm looking forward to getting involved here and rejoining the community. Hope everyone is having a great week!

[MaryEllen]

Hello Boz,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

MaryEllen

[JJ]

Hi Boz,

Great to have you here! We can really use the support, knowledgeand inspiration you bring with you.

How I wish I had stumbled across the information 12 years ago. But I didn't and am now transitioning really late for an FtM. Haven't been able to find another FTM who is or has transitioned anywhere near my age. I'm at that awkward 7 month stage but slowly getting where I need to go. It's good to have someone here who is already there.

I look forward to hearing more from you. Thanks for being here! You can make a real difference.

Johnny

[Guest Nikki_R]

Hi Boz!

Welcome!! That is quite the story sir. The way you handled everything by the sounds of it is both impressive and inspiring. For certain younger FTMs and starting out FTMs would love to seek you out for knowledge and support! Maybe I missed it, what are you studying if I may ask?

Cheers!

Nikki

[Guest John Chiv]

Hi Boz,

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

John

[JenniferB]

Welcome to Laura's Boz,

I am happy that you joined us. Your experiences will be very helpful to those who are in the earlier stages of transition. Your knowledge will also help those who are lurking and looking for answers too.

I am looking forward reading more of your posts.

{{{Hugs}}}

Jenny

[Guest Boz]

Thanks for the welcome everyone! Y'all are awesome!

Johnny--- If there's anything I can do for you man, let me know. I'm grew up just a bit east of you and it's not the easiest area to be different in. You're doing it in a place I couldn't. I had to move, not just to get away from my family and my past but to get out of the south all together. Not to say I don't love the south, I do, it's just a much more difficult place to do something so different. The early stages are definitely the hardest but, trust me, you come through it before you even know it. It's like one day you wake up and nobody is giving you confused looks anymore! I don't think you are transitioning late at all. Absolutely you wish it had started earlier but I know guys that didn't start until they were in their late 40s to early 50s. Besides, the 40s are supposed to be your best years so buckle up cause it's bout to get wild, lol. Anyway, if you need anything please don't hesitate to look me up and hopefully my next cross country trek we can meet up and have lunch or something. I usually make it through there about once every year to year and a half.

Hi Nikki....I'm working on a double major right now but just for my associate's. I'm getting my 1st associate's in paralegal studies to increase my earning potential asap and familiarize myself with the court systems. My other major is social work which I plan to eventually get my master's in so that I can work with young people in bad familial situations. You live in Illinois I see....the first time I took off looking for greener grass I landed in Cahokia, just outside of east St. Louis. That's where I figured out Pizza Hut wasn't going to pay the bills. It was a pretty cool little town at the time

Again, for the warm welcome! I look forward to getting to know everyone better!

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Boz. I really appreciate you coming here with a willingness to offer your experience to others. We don't have enough active FtMs for all the questions that get posed, and most of those currently active have not had the experiences you've had. You are going to be an excellent resource for us.

One suggestion though: would you mind switching to another color font? I like yellow, but it is hard for me to read yellow text. Thanks!

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Boz,

<<< curtsey >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We have FTM meetings -Mon & Fri 8pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[JJ]

Thanks Boz! I'd love to meet. Knowing the type of area, it probably won't be a surprise that I have never met another TS face to face much less another FTM.

I moved here before I realized I was trans and now am trapped by family circumstances and owning a home and land I can't afford to sell in this market. But I love it here in many ways-I am surrounded by national forest. It is amazingly beautiful and the climate tends to be good, Not the last 2 summers but generally.

It has actually surprised me that people have so far been far more accepting about my transition than I anticipated. But the culture here is far more Southern Mountain culture than Southern and there are differences. One of the primary tenants is "You don't mess in your neighbor's business" Seriously. Ever. That means as long as I don't approach them with any trans issues I am free to live any way I want and no one will say anything.

There was one identified gay man in the county and he was seriously abused repeatedly but there appear to be extenuating circumstances and not related to his orientation after all. Besides I am making a change that is understandable to them and have been told by several locals that were I MtF circumstances could well be different. They'd leave me alone okay but perhaps to the extent that I became invisible in stores etc.

Thanks for the age compliment

Johnny