never too late

[Guest jody h]

hello all

my name is at the moment john as i havnt really thought about my female name and as i write this today i have never felt as happy within myself as far as i can remember. im 48 ,live in the uk and look more of a ordinary guy. i was brought up in household that didnt talk about sex or any related things and never had any access to anyone who did so when at an early age i noticed my body didnt match my mind i ended up hiding and suppressing the feelings without choice. when boys around me where developing with puberty i was still boyish/girlish but it was put down to late and slow development. life wasnt great then i suffered awfull shyness as i couldnt relate to my expected role to date and marry ect it just wasnt what i felt was right. then there was no internet so no real way to expolre a way out. i had spurts of how i really felt but they ended up been suppressed so as not to upset the status quo and that i think gave me mood swings and unstability in life.

but life went on and i identified as gay although that never really covered it and i was never happy with the label but it was the best i could do. because of my social situation along with the shyness i was never out as gay and i hid my feelings in work. then came the internet and life started opening up. i could explore my sexuality and discover if my life long feelings were right. suddenly a release and experimentation. all was great untill last year when i contracted hepatitus c through sex and was started on treatment straight away. horrible stuff and made me not well but after 48 weeks of the stuff it had worked and the hep was gone. the good bit was i had a lot of time to think and realise i was right my mind was female.

over the last few months ive not really done anything about it to see if it was just a flash in the pan but the feeling has stuck and i belive ive finally let my supressed female inner self show.

now i have to decide where to go with it.at 48 and been "male" all my life its not an easy thing to change but some things have started to seem more natural as appossed to a life of false manhood. body change is definatly on the books as ive never liked a mans body but i have never desired to be a girly girl. i want to be me but the real girl me not what some people expect a woman to be. i always thought if id been born a girl id have been a tom boy type i think i was always just off centre of the boy girl divide.

im not going back to how i was its forward from here

[Cyndee]

Thanks for posting your story John, it's never too late to resolve these issues. I was closeted my whole life pretty much, until age 51, now living a far more genuine life. Best wishes on your journey.

Cynthia -

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

You have come to the right place for exploring, information and companionship. May of us on here started late including me. I had my first dose of estrogen just 2 months after turning age 54. We wish you well. Post freely as the spirit moves you.

Lacey

[Guest jody h]

well ive decided i really like the name jo and old flame used to call me jojo and i really liked it. so jo i will be.

[Guest jody h]

isnt it strange how something can click into place. just reading a part of cynthias post when she said she was living a far more genuine life has made me think how false my life was. not through choice but through trying to be the man i was expected to be.

[Guest DebbieS]

Hello Jo

From the other side of the Pennines, welcome to the forum.

Debbie.

[Guest jody h]

hello debbie

nice to hear from you and especially up this end of the country. welcome as well to the forum

jo

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi JoJo,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We have MTF meetings-Mon & Sat 9pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[Guest jody h]

hi vanna

i am in the chat room now as jo well jojo to be accurate.

[Guest DebbieS]

Is it as cold and wet on your side as it is Bolton?

Debbie

[Guest jody h]

its horrible and misty. but warm inside. even better now ive asked doc to see gender therapist

[Guest DebbieS]

That's good news. Keep me posted how it goes.

Debbie.

[Guest jody h]

i will it was great the doc was very supportive. ive had real bad emotional and other problems for around 5 years and i think this has been the build up to getting it sorted. that pic of me the more i look at it looks terrible lol but ive had a viral bug thing and not been eating i need to learn make up and tart the old mug up

[JJ]

Hi Jo,

Sorry I didn't make it by to welcome you earlier.

Great about the Dr.

For myself I found that as I faced this and began to deal with it life just got better and better emotionally. It is a tough journey, no question, but a wonderful one as well.

Welcome to Laura's

Johnny

[Guest Svenna]

Jo,

Welcome aboard!

Yes, great news about the Gender Therapist! Please keep us posted...

Congratulations on taking charge of your inner life. It is a challenging road ahead, but I too found much relief very early in the journey. Somehow just knowing you are on the right track seems to begin a chain of calming thoughts. Accepting my trans-ness actually freed me to sleep the whole night through again every night. I haven't enjoyed sleep this deep for decades..

Best to you! Svenna

[Guest DebbieS]

i will it was great the doc was very supportive. ive had real bad emotional and other problems for around 5 years and i think this has been the build up to getting it sorted. that pic of me the more i look at it looks terrible lol but ive had a viral bug thing and not been eating i need to learn make up and tart the old mug up

Don't worry. I have to look in the mirror every morning too ! Whoever invented mirrors?....AARGGHH

[Guest GinaInside]

Hi Jojo,

I'm a bit older than you, but am pressing on. Be yourself, and never give up!

Hugz,

Gina Renee