Am I going too fast?

[Guest ignota]

Hey everyone

So hair removal's started now and I'm glad. But hormones... well, I've passed the (old) therapy requirement, I've been to see a doctor who deals with hormones, all I have to do is see him again and I could probably walk away with a prescription (don't know, but I think so).

So perhaps I should put the brakes on here. See how the laser goes, talk to my parents and friends (desperate to tell more friends ). I so want to start HRT soon - I don't like (sorry if it's distressing) the fact that every moment is another moment of perhaps irreversible change on T.

I often think, if only I could stop it just so I can figure myself out... or perhaps start and take things as they come. I don't want to rush in to transition, but I really can't see any reason why I'd not want to start HRT at some point. The only reasons I can see for the delay are: making sure my family are ok with it (ok), not getting anxious that people can see the changes before I'm ready (but I did some laundry tonight, someone had taken out my clothes before I got back, my underwear in plain view, and I was just like "oh, poor person". A few months ago I'd've been mortified), and wanting to make the most of it (female puberty, dreams come true! But what do I wait for? :S).

Just a little confused, I suppose. I'm not going to run out and get started as soon as I find an excuse to, I just want to be reasonably sure there's not something I'm forgetting about. Heck, why not just come out pre HRT? (Need more clothes, plus my thick arms and shoulders won't help).

Anyone any thoughts? If you got through my post?

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Honey....you're about 21, right?

Then puberty has pretty much run it's course and there is not much else to do to stop any more masculinity......

The impotant thing for you (anyone, really) is try to decide through working with your therapist if the is the path for you....

As you know, total transition isn't for everyone and there are many people that are happy in other places along the gender spectrum.....

Before starting HRT.....try to make sure that is the path that yo want to take......

Good luck

Huggs

Dee Jay

[JJ]

Even though it is now no longer a requirement for getting HRT I believe many Drs. will still require you to see a Gender Therapist-and with good reason. They can help you find what you truly want and help you find out what you need to do to live a happy fulfilled life. Too many of us find reasons to put off dealing with this for years. There will always be reasons, often good ones, not to transition. That's fine for some people and for others leads to depression and bitter regret. Better to invest the time and money now than waste years of your life.

Many Gender Therapists charge sliding scale fees based on your ability to pay and the online therapists are particularly reasonable-with the caveat to always make sure you have a verified trained Gender therapist when you find someone online because they can say anything without it being so. Here is a list of verified therapists http://lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm

This is a long, often scary and often difficult process. It is horrible and wonderful and amazing if it is right for you. For some of us it is the only way we can truly be alive. For others it could be a nightmare if it is the wrong choice. And that can be very hard to figure out on your own.

The questions you asked are ones only you can answer-but there are those who can help you find the answers and they are worth consulting

Johnny

[Guest ignota]

21, yes. But still... well, you know the feeling. I feel like HRT is something I definitely want at some point in my life - it's almost as if, right now, I'm just waiting for it to happen, knowing it'll happen one day. It hasn't hit me that it might actually not happen.

I've told my therapist this, and she says, if you want to try it, try it. I think I do! But then, I've never really been in the state of not wanting it, so I have no comparison

Expectations :\ luck, eh? Thanks for your advice, Dee Jay

[Guest ignota]

Thanks for your advice, Johnny. I have a therapist, gender-specialised, who I've been seeing for about five months, I think; at least ten sessions.

I can't imagine right now anything I wouldn't want about HRT. Even the things that are generally seen as bad - reduced muscle mass (I haven't done weights in months, trying to let the muscles waste away a bit), reduced libido (would hopefully let me figure out things a little more about my sexuality)... fertility, well there's options for that. Rather, I read about the effects of T and it doesn't sit well with me. Voice breaking, hair growing, masculinisation... ew. Then I realise I'm already on that and it's like, oh Obviously, things could change when/if I do start, but still.

So I suppose my therapist is saying, if you think it's right, why not try it? She says that T treatment is where you really really have to be sure; with MTF hormones there is apparently a little bit of time before the changes start becoming permanent. My parents had a time when they thought I should be living full time before I even consider hormones; I'd like to live as myself, but there are things I need to sort out in the meantime, and during that time I still have this rather nasty body.

Thanks for all your help; I think I just need to talk about this with other transitioners. And if there's anything I should be more sure about. :\

[JJ]

I understand and sorry I didn't remember about your therapist. Not my best at night sometimes.

I do agree with your therapist and have heard it said here many times. Often starting HRT will make up your mind in a hurry if you are ready to go full bore or not. I can say that I had some questions pop up before I started T and some extra medical reasons for wanting to start. I still have doubts rear up now and then-I mean I lived well over half a century as a different gender and this is really a strange thing to do by most standards-but even as those doubts still surface I know that the idea of being off T -for a month even, much less forever fills me with a fear nothing else in life does. And while I may have those doubts T feels right. I feel right when I do it. I really think often we know as soon as we tale those hormones. Like the brain says "AH! At last!"

Don't know if that helps or not but one last thing-sometimes you have to look at what is right for you and let everything else go by. There will never be a perfect time to start. Not saying it isn't okay to get your ducks in a row, but it is way too easy to make that an excuse for not taking that first leap.

Johnny

[Guest ignota]

No way do I expect you to remember every detail about my existence no worries That's the sort of thing I should have put in the original post really... ah well.

Thanks for your advice - much of it chimes with me, or at least I can see what you mean. And the same thing happened wrt. "perfect timing" when I was agonising about painting my nails. University, accepting (generally); but after 21 years of being so terrified of anything remotely feminine... Eventually I just did it, and now it's like, yeah, and? Even though sometimes, like you, I think, why am I doing this? I have painted nails all the time now and no-one here really seems to have a problem.

[Carolyn Marie]

Ignota, you've gotten some great advice from Johnny and Dee Jay. I don't have a lot of additional advice. Please remember that, just because you've been seeing a therapist for 5 months, it doesn't mean you can't continue and work out any last minute doubts or questions or concerns. This is a life changing decision after all, almost certainly the most important you'll ever make. Yes, you can stop HRT after a few weeks or months with little permanent effects, but its better not to start if you aren't sure.

If I were you, I would try to imagine what life will be like in 2 or 3 or 5 years. What will living as a woman be like? Is it what you want? What kind of relationships do you imagine yourself having? How will it affect your career plans, or school? What will your relationships with your family and friends be like?

If you can see yourself in these mental images as happy, well adjusted, and satisfied with life, if they don't scare you but inspire and excite you instead, if they seem like the life you want to live, then perhaps it is the right path. Only you will know, only you can know. Take the time to really figure it out.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ignota]

I am very grateful to get information from you women and man I do respect you all for your experience and ideas.

To be honest, what worries me is this vague fear of rushing in or doing something stupid. I ask myself what it might be, and ai don't know - I posted hoping to get some ideas.

Something I've noticed this term is I feel a lot happier than ai have before, even at uni. Thinking of myself as female, and telling myself that I am on track for sorting myself out (whatever it entails, but there is some expectation of life changes) has made me feel happier and more able to do things. That points to me that I'm probably doing te right thing. And if I doubt, I say, well if HRT isn't rightfor me, I must therefore deal with being pumped full of T. yuck. I already know that I cannot bear the thought that there may be any male in me. Masculinity, whatever that is, i'm fine with, but not maleness. That doesn't autonatically mean I'm female, but it's something.

[Guest Saguusa]

I know how you feel. I'm hoping to get on HRT soon too, but I've been putting it off. Mostly because I've been busy and happy where I'm at now for now. I feel like my facial and body hair is getting thicker and darker and I don't want it to. Still, it'll take awhile for it to really make a difference. You're where your at now because of years not days or weeks under the influence of Testosterone. A little longer wont hurt.

Rayne