Help! I do not know who I am

[Guest Alice International]

Well, I do not know who I'am. Its very hard for me to understand that Im transsexual and gay! I've been trying to cover who I'am because there is no one to support me or to tell who I really I'am. My parents would not support me so I feel very alone. I try not being transsexual or gay but it really doesn't help at all! HELP!

[Carolyn Marie]

I try not being transsexual or gay but it really doesn't help at all!

Alice, being transsexual, or being gay, is not something you choose. It chooses you. You cannot succeed in trying not being those things any more than you can try not having brown eyes or blond hair. If you are gay, or if you are transsexual, the best you could hope to do is repress those feelings, as I did for many years. But they come back, sooner or later, because they are who you are.

It sounds like what you really need is a gender therapist to help you sort through your feelings and come to terms with them, and then figure out what to do about them. Being transsexual, if that is indeed what you are, does not automatically lead to transitioning, if you are afraid of that. Being trans is not a choice, but acting on that knowledge is your choice, and yours alone.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Alice International]

I try not being transsexual or gay but it really doesn't help at all!

Alice, being transsexual, or being gay, is not something you choose. It chooses you. You cannot succeed in trying not being those things any more than you can try not having brown eyes or blond hair. If you are gay, or if you are transsexual, the best you could hope to do is repress those feelings, as I did for many years. But they come back, sooner or later, because they are who you are.

It sounds like what you really need is a gender therapist to help you sort through your feelings and come to terms with them, and then figure out what to do about them. Being transsexual, if that is indeed what you are, does not automatically lead to transitioning, if you are afraid of that. Being trans is not a choice, but acting on that knowledge is your choice, and yours alone.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

THANK YOU SO MUCH! I needed some encouragement even though you didn't say a lot that changed my mind! Thanks! I need to accept myself!

[Guest Svenna]

Alice,

Self-acceptance is the very first step and it is a very hard one to get past...

Seeing a therapist with gender issue training is extremely helpful and has been the key to opening up and getting all the hidden aspects of ourselves out into the light of day in a safe, supportive and therapeutic environment. You really might want to pursue gender therapy before too long, you may be pleasantly surprised at how much relief you can get from engaging the process!

Best of luck to you on your explorations into your inner self!

Love, Svenna

[Guest Mia J]

One way you can look at it is that if you are a MTF transsexual and you like boys then you are not gay but hetro.

As already said seeing a gender therapist is the first step to find out just where you fit in.

Here is a link to the Laura's site therapist list.

http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm

You might also want to check a local GLBT center who may have support groups that can help.

Mia

[Guest Penelope]

Hi Alice,

It came as a shock to me, well in to my fifties, to realise that I'm not just a heterosexual man but also a gay woman.

There really was / is no choice. It just is so.

I believe if you try to ignore or suppress your feelings you will end up seriously hurting yourself.

All the best,

Penny