Shopping - CD/TG Friendly Stores?

[Guest KayJo]

Hi everyone, its Kay,

I'm sure this has been discussed before sometime, but.....

I always feel so completely self-conscious looking at clothes in the womens section when I'm "clearly" a man (dressed in male clothing). I know its silly, but I feel like everyone will be looking at me and assuming I'm "some kind of perv" or whatever.

Its hard for me to let go of that guilty feeling (I get the same thing browsing on the cosmetics aisle too by the way).

I don't think this is an issue the other way around (maybe I'm wrong), because I think people see a "girl/woman" in the mens dept and they immediately think she's shopping for BF/Husband/son or whatever. Until "she" wants to try something on I suppose - but even then less likely to draw attention? I could be off base with those assumptions too though.

So, my actual question is, what clothing stores or dept stores (national chains) do people find more TG/CD friendly when we are talking about just run of the mill everyday garments. ?

Interested to hear anyone's opinions and experiences.

Thanks

Kay

xx

[Guest kimberly c]

Hi Kay, I love to shop at Kohl`s and many times I have tried on womens clothes in the mens dressing room. No problems.

I love to shop side by side with the women looking for that perfect top or some sexy lingerie. Some women look

at you strange, some may even help you if you ask. Good luck.

Love Kim

[VickySGV]

Its going to depend on your community to a large degree, but the whole list of Americana big stores have individual stores where the service to TG's is great and friendly. There is no one store chain better than others at ALL stores. For example!! The Wal Mart store near me will let me take Three any gender garment into a fitting room they point me to. The one closer to where my daughter lives occasionally gets a bit stuffy and suggests I buy the garment "have the lady try it on at home and bring it back for a full refund if you are not completely satisfied within 30 days". (I am now full time and they don't pull that routine any more.) Some of it will depend on the structure of the fitting rooms, and stores like Macy's and JC Penney make their changing rooms floor to ceiling with solid doors. Most fitting room attendants if they have a worry, will direct you to a seldom used or a tailors fitting room either in the next department or tell you to take the clothing over to the men's fitting room. They will be nice about it in almost any of the big name mall stores. (Macy's, Penney's, Sears, Dillards, Kohls, etc) in the larger communities.

Terrible thing to tell you, but REALLY, REALLY, REALLY no one is looking at you one way or the other in a major department store even in the women's wear department. They are all too busy with their own business to notice you!! To a sales person offering assistance, the line "I am looking for something nice for a person who is about my age, height & weight, and complexion, for ____________(type of wear). This will get you help and some great suggestions and if they respond by asking if it is really for you, a nice pleasant wink and grin "Can you keep a secret??" If they answer yes (and haven't heard this before), then you simply say, "So can I", and thank them openly for their help. It is actually a bit of a feminine thing, but will make you seem less nervous and they will respect your privacy.

[Guest KayJo]

Thanks girls. I'll give Kohls a look we have one nearby and I've probably never been in it. Vicky - I know you are right, no one is probably really taking too much notice of what I'm doing, but its hard to shake off the feeling of self consciousness. Maybe I'll feel more relaxed if I go early after the stores open and haven't got busy yet.

Kay

xx

[VickySGV]

A relatively short while ago, I didn't believe a word of what I said above!!!! Only cure----- Shop Til You Drop!!

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Hi there!

I've posted a few threads here and there, usually in Fashion or the MTF section about my shopping adventures. I know exactly how you feel stepping into the women's section looking like a man and freaking out about any women who may walk down that aisle and what they're thinking or if they're going to say something.

Social norms may dictate that you should feel guilty about doing something not appropriate for your current gender but if you think about it, you're just as much a valued consumer as that other woman is and your dollars are just as valued as hers are. Thinking about it legally, you have just as much right to be there as anyone else. You're not causing a ruckus, you're not causing a disturbance, you're in there with the intent to buy things so really, noone should ever make you feel bad about what you're doing.

On the other hand, your attitude also goes a really long way. It's taken me a few years to get to this point but I have walked into a few women's clothing stores knowing what I wanted to buy and when the sales lady approached me, I told her what I was looking for and she'd point me in the right direction. If anyone asks if you're shopping for your wife or girlfriend or whatever, just tell them no, you're shopping for yourself. It could make things uncomfortable but understand that they would be the ones uncomfortable with it, and that's not your problem to handle. If they have an issue with you buying women's clothing, that's on them. Some sales ladies I've dealt with have been awesome and if they did have a problem with it, they were professional enough to not let it show. They could have said things after I left the store but I don't care. I got what I needed, they got my consumer dollars so everyone's happy.

Same thing in the makeup department. I think most women probably don't care or don't think twice about it. What I most worried about were guys walking by, seeing me in the makeup department, and worried they would be the confrontational ones. Makeup can really be daunting because there is just so much to choose from. There seems to be 5000 different kinds of foundations in 5000 different shades for 5000 different skin types. For a beginner, that can be really scary to have to look through to find what's perfect for you. But don't worry about other women in the makeup aisle. They're probably not worried about you and probably think you're a drag queen or something. Hey, at least they're in the right TG umbrella category.

Just go in there, do your thing, and don't worry what other people are thinking. If I cared what other people thought of me, I'd never leave the house. I know that's easier said than done, like I said, I've been there. Worse case scenario, you think of some alibi like your girlfriend is the same size but you don't know her size but she's your size so whatever size that would be and you were looking online at some of the tops they had featured and you wanted..er..she wanted..to see what they had in-store. Sometimes if you accidentally refer to yourself they'll pick up the hint that there really is no girlfriend and you're really shopping for yourself but really nervous about doing so. Play the sympathy card! Also sometimes shy honesty works, too. If you tell the sales lady that you're looking to buy some women's clothing for yourself but you're new to the whole world of women's fashion and clothing sizes and if they'd be willing to help you find a couple things. again, playing the sympathy card.

[Cyndee]

I approved your post emphatically Lizzie. Shopping for yourself is so much fun, why not tell someone about it. I like getting others input in buying decisions as well.

Hugs

Cindy -

[Guest thomasina uk]

I don't know if they ship to the United States, but i've heard good things about 'Long Tall Sally' which i think is a british company.

They cater specifically for tall girls, so CD's are a natural market for them.

http://www.longtallsally.com/

[Guest KayJo]

Thanks girls for all the responses. Its clear my main issue is working on the confidence thing, like Lizzie and Vicky say, and just get used to shopping. Its weird tho, partly I'm worrying people will think I'm somewhere a guy shouldn't be and partly I'm worrying my presence will make them feel uncomfortable.

Anyway, with those thoughts in mind, I've made an effort to force myself to stop and browse in a number of stores over the past week, actually take things off the rack and hold them out and check sizes and prices - instead of circling the ladies dept like a cowardly shark, scoping out the clothing via peripheral vision.

Its helping and I'm getting more confident. This all sounds so silly, but I know I'm not alone.

I have decided for me, at present, I feel much less conspicuous in Walmart than a specialist clothing store. Nobody is taking any real notice of me there. Anyway, I bought myself some nice thigh-highs there the other day and felt much less nervous than I used to, then I went back early this morning and bought a cute pair of pink boy-shorts (blush) , which I love.

I'm pretty much in the closet here, so I've been wearing those items under my jeans today and nobody knows.

Eventually I'll work up the confidence to march into TJ Maxx or Macys and take a skirt and a blouse to the fitting rooms - but I'm not quite there yet.

Thanks for the good advice and encouragement tho.

Love you all,

Kay

xx

[Guest thomasina uk]

Thanks girls for all the responses. Its clear my main issue is working on the confidence thing, like Lizzie and Vicky say, and just get used to shopping. Its weird tho, partly I'm worrying people will think I'm somewhere a guy shouldn't be and partly I'm worrying my presence will make them feel uncomfortable.

Anyway, with those thoughts in mind, I've made an effort to force myself to stop and browse in a number of stores over the past week, actually take things off the rack and hold them out and check sizes and prices - instead of circling the ladies dept like a cowardly shark, scoping out the clothing via peripheral vision.

Its helping and I'm getting more confident. This all sounds so silly, but I know I'm not alone.

I have decided for me, at present, I feel much less conspicuous in Walmart than a specialist clothing store. Nobody is taking any real notice of me there. Anyway, I bought myself some nice thigh-highs there the other day and felt much less nervous than I used to, then I went back early this morning and bought a cute pair of pink boy-shorts (blush) , which I love.

I'm pretty much in the closet here, so I've been wearing those items under my jeans today and nobody knows.

Eventually I'll work up the confidence to march into TJ Maxx or Macys and take a skirt and a blouse to the fitting rooms - but I'm not quite there yet.

Thanks for the good advice and encouragement tho.

Love you all,

Kay

xx

Everytime i've went shopping for female clothes I've always went armed with an 'alibi'... I approach the store clerk with the cue ''excuse me, I'm trying to find clothes for an elderly or sick [insert relation] who isnt very mobile and cant get out, can you recommend something?'

This at least pre empts any scoffs you may get from staff and you dont need to concern yourself so much if you intend to be a repeat customer. Works for me at least.

[Guest KayJo]

Everytime i've went shopping for female clothes I've always went armed with an 'alibi'... I approach the store clerk with the cue ''excuse me, I'm trying to find clothes for an elderly or sick [insert relation] who isnt very mobile and cant get out, can you recommend something?'

This at least pre empts any scoffs you may get from staff and you dont need to concern yourself so much if you intend to be a repeat customer. Works for me at least.

Thanks so much Thomasina. That's pretty good. I may use it. I'd kind of like to use "I'm looking for a miniskirt for a friend, she's about the same size as me" and then give the assistant the old poker face. But maybe I'd chicken out. I am finding it easier the more I sort of force myself to shop in the womens depts though

Oh - and thanks for the suggestion re Long Tall Sally. I've seen those stores in the UK when I was visiting, I think they do sell online here. I'll investigate.

Kay

xx

[Guest thomasina uk]

Everytime i've went shopping for female clothes I've always went armed with an 'alibi'... I approach the store clerk with the cue ''excuse me, I'm trying to find clothes for an elderly or sick [insert relation] who isnt very mobile and cant get out, can you recommend something?'

This at least pre empts any scoffs you may get from staff and you dont need to concern yourself so much if you intend to be a repeat customer. Works for me at least.

Thanks so much Thomasina. That's pretty good. I may use it. I'd kind of like to use "I'm looking for a miniskirt for a friend, she's about the same size as me" and then give the assistant the old poker face. But maybe I'd chicken out. I am finding it easier the more I sort of force myself to shop in the womens depts though

Oh - and thanks for the suggestion re Long Tall Sally. I've seen those stores in the UK when I was visiting, I think they do sell online here. I'll investigate.

Kay

xx

No problem Kay, I'm glad to help.

The few female clothes I own, I also had to force myself to go into a shop and wait for a blind spot between visiting customers. I own one pair of boots and that was possibly the most awkward transaction i've ever made, especially as the register clerk was male. So I empathise with how you feel. Here in the United Kingdom we have non profit charity shops that sell cheap second hand clothing. I dont know if they have them in the US but you can get a real bargain if you dont mind wearing hand me downs and the staff tend to be less judgemental as they're more concerned with raising money for good causes.

These days I dont get to go female clothes shopping at all now that i'm a dad. My wife always drags me shopping, which I can't stand. Not because I dislike the clothes, but because I cant take part because of damn conservative attitudes on both her part and that of rubbernecks.

When we go clothes shopping I feel compelled to wait outside because when we walk past the hoisery or launderette section the green eyed monster hits me smack in the face. It's really hard to deal with. I pray for the day that my wife and I can go shopping together with a proactive attitude on her part. I wish I could go female clothes shopping on my own more often, but aside from the embarressment factor theres also the cost implication. When you are living a double life you're having to clothes shop for 2 people. It isn't cheap to live as a CD. Id do it more often, if I had more money.

[Guest Just_Lucas]

i thought about doing that once in bells near by since its basically empty except for a few people which is really nice no one really notices/cares :X if anything i would just say im shopping for my girlfriend lol,spare a bit of embarrassment

[Guest StaceyC]

I feel more comfortable shopping near the holidays helps as well. Great excuse to be shopping for a "girlfriend" / "wife" or whatever. Also, I've bought gift cards using cash then went on line and mail ordered things that way.

[Guest thomasina uk]

I feel more comfortable shopping near the holidays helps as well. Great excuse to be shopping for a "girlfriend" / "wife" or whatever.

That alibi isn't seasonal. Theres always birthdays.

T

[Guest gwenthlian]

Also, I've bought gift cards using cash then went on line and mail ordered things that way.

Good idea, never actually thought of that one. Wasn't old enough to have a private credit card nor able to intercept the bank statements if I did.

Shopping for girls clothes and then later as a girl was definitely something that took a lot of time for me to get comfortable with. It is a seriously daunting prospect but you just have to push past that and if you do it enough it starts to get easier. Also helps to think it out first and have all your "shopping for my ___ because ___" lines ready in your head. Chances are you won't need them but it helped me to have a plan and to focus on that instead of the fear.

Best of luck

[Guest Kendra K]

I'll also say Kohl's is great and JcPenny was great as well. I'm still new to this whole "in public" thing, but my couple of tries I was fine.

I was certainly self-conscious. In both of them I had their deep shopping bags. I had a male shirt in the bag and then put the women's garments I really wanted underneath the men's shirt.

I used the men's dressing room with no problem, other than worrying of course. The wonderful thing about Kohl's and JC Penny is that they have racks to put clothes that you don't want right inside the dressing room. So when I was done I just simply put the entire bag in the bin and was gone. Don't know if I annoyed the people working there, but for now it works for me.

[Guest Amberley_Vail]

I know this feeling well!

The first time I even thought about buying some girls clothes for myself, I got as far as the shop, hovered in the male section, then went back to work and had a panic attack!

Today I bought myself 2 pairs of tights, pants and a skirt. Seeing as this was my first real transactions, I glanced back at the cashier as I walked away; already oblivious, already serving the next person in line. No second glances. =]

Its nerve racking but your new purchases are worth it!

@Thomasina, can you recommend anywhere specifically for the UK thats nice [and preferably cheap!] to shop at?

[Guest thomasina uk]

I know this feeling well!

The first time I even thought about buying some girls clothes for myself, I got as far as the shop, hovered in the male section, then went back to work and had a panic attack!

Today I bought myself 2 pairs of tights, pants and a skirt. Seeing as this was my first real transactions, I glanced back at the cashier as I walked away; already oblivious, already serving the next person in line. No second glances. =]

Its nerve racking but your new purchases are worth it!

@Thomasina, can you recommend anywhere specifically for the UK thats nice [and preferably cheap!] to shop at?

Cheap, there aren't many places. I was recently able to pick up a blouse and skirt at Primark for £15 total. Other than that, you're looking at charity shops.

Pretty sure they have Primark in Scotland?

T

[Guest thomasina uk]

TK Maxx is also great, I got my favourite piece of underwear from there, a black bodyshaper for only a tenner.

T

[Guest Kendra K]

Thinking about it some more, JCPenny and Kohl's are also great in that they don't have those "dressing room monitors" that other stores have. It's much more comfortable to be able to walk right into the dressing room without having to show the person what you want to try on. Stores like Target and others where they have a dressing room monitor where you have to go through them to use the dressing rooms I can't bring myself to try women's clothes on there.

[Guest GinaInside]

I have only bought clothes out in the open a few times. One time, the saleslady gave me a very wierd look, but she did help me find what I was looking for. The other time, I was at a dept. store, and a really nice blouse caught my eye...I went over, checked it out, and put it my basket, and went through the self-serve checkout. My heart was pounding hard, but I succeeded, but was so scared, did'nt try again. I prefer to buy clothing online, yes it takes time, but much less stressful!

Hugz,

Gina Renee

[Guest Janice Lynn]

One nice thing about getting older ... I'm in my 60s ... is that there comes a time when you

don't give a rip. Should I care that a part time salesgirl at Kohl's has something to talk

about in the lunchroom?

More seriously, I've shopped in just about all the major stores in my part of the country for

ladies clothing and what strikes me more than anything else is how LITTLE service there

is out there. What I have discovered is that body language is the real issue. Face it, 99%

of salespeople in the ladies section are women. If you are shopping in drab but look

purposeful and confident ... knowing what you are doing ... they tend to leave you alone.

Act apprehensive or befuddled and, if they happen to see you and care enough, they will

come to try to ease your pain in shopping for your girlfriend or wife. I think most of the

time the trouble is in our heads.

The makeup thing has been something that really stumped me for a long time, but

spending an hour or so on the telephone can solve the problem. I simply went to the

Yellow Pages and looked under Cosmetics. I was upfront honest: "I'm a TS that would

really like some help in putting together a look that is right for me. Are you comfortable

with helping me?" On the third or fourth call I found my first "ready to serve you" sales

rep. By number 8 I had another. I scheduled an appointment at their home and just

let them do their thing. In both cases I was convinced that I was not the first to use

this approach. And in both cases I bought what I guessed to be a fair reward for their

time and compassion.

The first was top dollar and would have cost me an arm, a leg, and even a breast if I had

taken every fashion tip she gave me. She was nice, but I bought $85 of stuff and hoped

using makeup didn't cost 3 times more. The next woman was 20 years older than me

and took me under her wing. I came out of her home after spending $130 for everything

I could possibly need ..... Avon may be an old brand but the saleswoman was fantastic

and gave me a dozen hints about what to look for in the stores. I tipped her generously

because she made the experience a good time.

One more thing which might help ..... shop Costco for the basics. If you are already a

member it is easy. Have a slip on paper in your hand that makes it appear that you are

shopping for your wife or girlfriend, then buy whatever you like (without a dressing room

to try things on). Then, if you believe you are being read, ask the person scanning your

purchases if they have seen a .... ______ woman that gave her husband the shopping

job while she was at the pharmacy. End of awkwardness. You were shopping with HER

list.

Yeah, its deception but it works. In time we really don't care!

Hugs .... Jan

[Guest Amberley_Vail]

Completely get you, GinaInside!

That rush when you put your purchases up on the counter, and wait to see their reaction. But you did it; thats the main thing! ^.^

[Guest Teri G]

I was really surprised when I discovered that no one really cares. I have also found the sales clerks at Kohls and Penneys to be very helpful.