Donni starts therapy

[Guest DonniDarkness]

Hello everyone its been awhile since ive posted here.

Since i went out for the first time i have been struggling with serious dysphoria. The anxiety and pressure of wanting to be out more is really starting to get to me.

I had a drag date with my wife last week and the day of the date i was so overwhelmed with dysphoria that i just couldnt even look into the mirror to shave. i just started to cry.

By the time she got off work late in the evening i was supposed to be dressed and ready but i wasnt. I was dealing with my own internal stuff and never even thought that she would feel "stood up" by me not being ready as my femme self. She was mad and we didnt even speak that evening. By the time the morning came i was so upset i just googled for TG therapists and drove there without an appointment

I was a mess and sitting in the office i almost walked out twice while waiting for her to finish up with another person. I managed to keep myself there and when she came out of her office she said that she had a few minutes before her next appointment and that she would speak to me.

Sitting there in her office i was overwhelmed and wanted to run right then. But i managed to answer her question about why i was there with "Im transgendered" then everything just broke down inside of me.

We talked about alot of different things and by the end of the discussion i felt better but knew that i had just opened a new door to my life and i am still sitting here scared to death about it. I have another appointment at the first of the month, and i dont know how im going to deal with all this change in my life and still keep the things that are important to me intact. Family, work, friends.....

I just need to vent all this out i guess. Starting therapy is not easy for me as i have dealt with all of this alone for the most part. aside from my wife helping me thru some dark times in the past. i have been alone as a crossdresser for my entire life, i know no one within the vicinity of my area that i can be friends with.....go shopping, meet for coffee, manis and pedis.....just simple stuff is all i want. i dont know where to start to meet other like me and the only people who have ever tried to contact me as a crossdresser friend is guys emailing me pictures of there junk or other crossdressers who want to "hook up". I need a local support circle and i think out of desperation i went to a therapist ......maybe she has suggestions for groups and activities that i can be apart of and be somewhat free from ridicule.....idk....

i just need to be out more and lose this depressing feeling of being alone with this plight called crossdressing.....the internet helps but it is so impersonal and it doesnt really take the place of face to face friendships.

Id love to be able to meet other married couples who deal with this in their lives, having support from a friend who knows exactly what your going thru seems like it will never happen tho.

So frustrated in dealing with who i am. I accept who i am, i just cant do it alone anymore. it makes me feel like a freak and i know its not right to feel that way about myself. I want to feel like im part of something when im enfemme, not just a six foot guy in girls clothes....

Thanks for listening

-Donni-

[Guest John Chiv]

Donni,

Congratulations in taking the step to go see a therapist. While we may not be able to be there in person, I hope this forum can be of support to you and in time, as you grow comfortable here, you might find others in the same area or through the forums you may be able find local resources.

John

[Michelle 2010]

Hi Donni, I've pretty much done what you are now doing but it was in the last 16 months. Long term marriage, came out to people this year, etc. I chat mod on sunday nights and would be happy to discuss stuff if you want to register there, or you could pm me. i've posted how coming out to friends and people i respect and who respect me has been healthy. Chat would be the easiest way to discuss who to come out to, marital stuff etc. PM me if interested

Huggs

michelle

[Carolyn Marie]

Donni, I'm sorry that you've had such a tough time lately. Seeing the therapist is an excellent step forward. She probably can suggest some local support groups, but if she doesn't have a list, try Googling Tri-Ess in your area or other CD support groups. I hear lots of good things about Tri-Ess.

Keep coming here and telling us what's going on and how you feel. We understand, hon. I was a cross dresser for many years before I got married, but thought my marriage would "cure" me. I was wrong, and that delayed my transition for over 20 years. You may not be transsexual, but your problems are still the same as all of ours. We are a family here, and we want to help you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest DonniDarkness]

John and michele TY for the responses

John, ive been searching my local area for TG support groups but havnt found any yet. Im still looking tho.

Michelle, I do frequent the chat app. and it does help to have a heartbeat on the other side of the screen from time to time. I hope to see you there, thanks