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[Guest DeafeningSilence]

I used to pop/snort pills and drink... But as of December 31 of this year, I will be sober for one year. But my gf is an active alcoholic, and it is affecting our relationship, and it is getting harder and harder for me to stay sober. But getting sober took so much to commit to, and I wanted to just die. Any advice?

[Carolyn Marie]

I addressed this issue in your other thread, hon. But I'll restate it here; you need to either get your partner into AA or rehab, or consider parting ways. I'm certainly no expert, but I know enough to know that if you stay around her, she is going to cause you harm. Falling off the wagon will do neither of you any good, and all the work and effort you've put into staying clean will be for naught.

I'm sure others with more experience can provide better answers. I wish you the best.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Michelle 2010]

Hi Deaf.

I almost posted on this in the dead of night but held off till morning. After reading your other post I am glad I did...

Reading your original post kinda changes the dynamics of the situation.

Its important to remember that one of the primary reasons to get sober, in addition to making the pain go away, is to get healthier. Part of being healthy is feeling better emotionally and spiritually as well as physically, right?

Your other post indicates that your year of sobriety has not come without a price... While you do not indicate how you accomplished the year of sobriety, it sounds like getting with like minded people who are traveling, or have traveled, the same route might be a good thing for you.

People in AA not only know how to get sober, but how to enjoy life's journey after doing so. One of the amazing things about walking into a meeting, is the frequent sound of laughter coming from groups of people. And.... they are laughing with people, not at people. When I entered the rooms of AA I had long ago forgotten how to laugh... There was nothing funny going on in my life!

While your GF might also need AA, she has to make the decision for herself. You are in pain in sobriety and the desire to numb that pain can be tempting. Since you asked for advice... Get with people, probably AA, and learn how to change how you feel without resorting to drugs and alcohol to do it.

Secondly, if you like, get a chat room ID, and stop by our little corner of Reality on Sunday nights 9PM Eastern time (USA) and join our small band of intrepid journeyers dealing with life and addiction issues in all their complexity, pathos and comedy. Another mod and I are there regularly, as well as others who have 20 minutes to 20 years of sobriety. No one is put on the spot or made to feel uncomfortable. We park our Egos at the door. A problem shared might be your own...

Best wishes

Michelle

[VickySGV]

Hi DS

OK, I have just been in this thread today and not seen your other post, but I see two problems, and have been in both myself, your own Alcoholism and your Co-Dependency on your girlfriend. Lets face it, if you are not out the door and long over the hill, your relationship with her is Co-Dependent. Michelle is very right on the benefits of AA and also on the point getting with other people who share at least the language of recovery. You cannot get your GF to begin recovery!! Period, double period!!! That is her call alone. You can get busy on your own though, and leave the invitation out for her to join you. You will have YOU ready and waiting for the relationship to really become a wonderful thing, or you will be ready to move on, alive, with experience, and toward your own happiness.

As a co-dependent, I know the frustration and the pain that comes from watching a loved one kill, if not their body, then the spirit that you fell, or grew in love with. Its a little different to deal with that than it is to deal with yourself, but it can be done, and you can have your sobriety in a way that will fill your emptiness and allow you to grow. I am another one who shows up on the Sunday night TGAA/NA chat from time to time and we get some mileage I think. Welcome aboard.

[Guest Kael147]

I'm no expert either - my ONLY advice is this:

DON'T DRINK and GO TO MEETINGS!

Kael

[VickySGV]

I'm no expert either - my ONLY advice is this:

DON'T DRINK and GO TO MEETINGS!

Kael

An AA meeting is an AA meeting whether you show up sauced or not. Why not show up? We'll give you a nice chair and some coffee, and while we ask that you do not share during certain meeting on recovery, you can still learn something that you may be able to work with when you do get clean. We take drop-outs from Herbie's Bar willingly. Certainly if you are going to start a fight or start passing a bottle around you may be asked to leave, and come back later, but drinking or sober, come on in and give it a try.

One caution, if you come to a meeting with a court card to be signed, and you are obviously intoxicated, you won't get that signed, but we don't have the time or intention to call the cops on you for violation of the court order that said no drinking allowed on DUI probation.