What the heck am I?

[Guest Amberley_Vail]

Im really not sure. especially since Ive only recently accepted and acknowledged this side of me!

Im really looking forward to the first half of next year: Im dead set on telling at least one real-life friend that Im... uncertain. Well if Im moving in with him he'd have questions if I started wearing mini skirts around the flat and didnt tell him anything!

My heart is set on that much at least.

Ive attempted to arm myself with knowledge about the MTF process as much as possible, and Id be lying if I said I wasnt terrified! But I dont know how far Im willing to go. I guess that might change over time too.

I feel more comfortable wearing female clothing, I find myself jealous of natal girls and wishing I had the body they do.

BUT. I still feel attracted to women. Theres the fairly pedestrian guy crushes but it tends to be mainstream stuff.

My worry is that If go past the point of no return and surgically align my appearance with how I feel, Im going to be stuck in limbo. Straight girls will see the girl in me, Gay girls will only see they guy I was.

Anyone got any insights or similar situations?

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dearest Amber,

Your sexual orientation will remain as always. The very core of who you are never changes. What really happens is that who you really are emerges. Embrace yourself without shame or regret. You now know and there is never really any going back.

Indeed, a gender therapist will help you immensely to sort out what you are feeling, but in the end your honesty with yourself is what is really needed. There is no strict time-line for transitioning. Each step must be where you are comfortable with all the dynamics in your life. Always know that we here at Laura's know, understand, and will support you every step of the way.

Love you

Brenda

[Guest Juniper Blue]

Welcome to Laura's Playground Amberley.

[Guest Amberley_Vail]

Ive read through a couple of threads where members talk about their Gender Therapist or saying that talking to a GT is the way forward.

I had a look at how GD is diagnosed in the UK and the NHS' own web page makes me feel less than confident! Lots of people saying their GP had no clue what to even say when confronted by someone with possible GD and then much stalling tactics from the doctors. Add into the mix I hate my doctor to begin with!

Does anyone know of any service in the UK that can help me that doesnt require me to go through my local GP?

[Guest Roux]

My worry is that If go past the point of no return and surgically align my appearance with how I feel, Im going to be stuck in limbo. Straight girls will see the girl in me, Gay girls will only see they guy I was.

A lot of transpeople have the same worry. Definitely not the only one.

The physical limbo is pretty pronounced for transguys; there isn't a bottom surgery that produces functionally and aesthetically correct male genitals, so a number of transguys just don't have bottom surgery at all. But you'll find a lot of guys who're in happy, healthy relationships with straight women or gay guys. Similarly, there are a lot of transwomen who haven't gone "all the way" with their transition for whatever reason (or their "all the way" didn't involve bottom surgery, or so on), and who're in their own great relationships.

Not to deny the existence of people who have trouble (or refuse to even try) wrapping their heads around an ambiguously-gendered person or body. But there are definitely those who won't get too caught up in your body and gender--they'll see you, and love you, for who you are. I really, really hope you don't let fear of not finding love prevent you from making any changes that you feel are necessary.

Before we started dating, my fiance knew that my gender identity was, uh, confused. (We were friends for a while, and I suddenly started going by a male name and requesting male pronouns, but wasn't working too hard at passing as male--so that wasn't hard to miss.) We sat down and talked about it more seriously when we made the decision to actually start dating, and he expressed concern about how he might respond if I did decide I'm a straight-up transguy after all, and went the route of a full transition. (He's straight.) At that time, I knew I would never want T, but that I would love a hysterectomy and top surgery. And male genitals if they were possible. In the end we decided to date, but there'd be no pressure on me to conform my identity to suit his sexuality, and no pressure on him to maintain the relationship if my identity changed my body to the point that he couldn't be attracted to me. Then we fell in love, and now he doesn't care what my body looks like! He bought me my chest binder and packer and so forth, and is completely supportive of me transitioning as far as I want.

So even if you do fall for someone who expresses some reservations about your transition, the relationship isn't necessarily doomed. Or maybe you'll happen to fall for someone who doesn't have any reservations at all!

And just in case you do end up feeling like you're not exactly male or female: the in between isn't so bad as you might think. =)

Does anyone know of any service in the UK that can help me that doesnt require me to go through my local GP?

Can't help with this one, but I really like what someone else suggested in another thread: printing out a list of local gender therapists and their contact information, as well as info from NHS on the subject, and giving the whole packet to your GP when you talk to them. Making the referral process as easy as possible for your GP sounds like a really good idea. And maybe stating it as a firm request instead of a question: "I need help, and these are the people who can help me. However, I need your referral to talk to them. Please write a referral so I can get help." I was pretty meek around my old GP (whom I hated, and whom I recently moved across the country from, hurray!), but that's how I would've tried to approach the subject. Hopefully someone in your area will come in with better news, though.

[Guest Luturna]

Ive read through a couple of threads where members talk about their Gender Therapist or saying that talking to a GT is the way forward.

I had a look at how GD is diagnosed in the UK and the NHS' own web page makes me feel less than confident! Lots of people saying their GP had no clue what to even say when confronted by someone with possible GD and then much stalling tactics from the doctors. Add into the mix I hate my doctor to begin with!

Does anyone know of any service in the UK that can help me that doesnt require me to go through my local GP?

The best thing I can suggest is to just ask the GP for a referral to a psychiatrist and then put to a GT from there.

The stop gap measure I found was the local LGBT support group in my area from there they can even refer you to a councilor on gender issues but are not official GT but will be the next best thing in the UK.

Hope that helps. We need more Brit centered topics =P

[Guest Amberley_Vail]

Thanks so much all for your responses! I think Im going to go with a goal of getting a good amount of information together and going to see my new GP when I move into my flat. That way its a new doctor, hopefully one easier to talk to than my current one, and Ill be properly armed with all the information I need.

I think talking to a therapist has to happen. Im not sure of who I am at all now.

To begin with way back when I was a teen, I was always aroused by the thought, sight or feel of wearing girls clothes, but as it went on, its lost its sexual component and just feels comfortable. Similarly I would feel similar stirrings if I really sat and thought of what my life could have been like if Id been born female. Now its just longing without the sex again. I suppose it almost feels like lust turning to love.

Where this leaves me, I dont know.

[Guest Luturna]

My suggestion is not to bring up the sexual side when talking to the first referral as with my experience the NHS would want to diagnose the cheapest option after the reforms last year and also the best bet is to go to a larger GP practice that also does private as well due to the fact they have the best resources at hand and normally faster with actions being taken.

Hope that helps and good luck!

[JJ]

While I always knew I was a man in a way I also had so much confusion and would peel back one layer only to discover two more beneath. There are good things about being a woman. Things I wasn't sure I would or could give up.

It's one of the reasons that this process is by necessity slow. It takes a lot of time to work through. I think a gender therapist can really help as a guide but only you can find the answers.

I found mine. Some surprised me. I still like women as people. A lot. Kind of regret that it isn't me. At all I'm discovering, but the process has taken many months

now that I am in transition and being seen as male-9 months on T-I am finding women are flirting with me. None seem to have any problems seeing a woman left in me. I'm not following up with any of them so can't say what problems they might have with closer association. I believe however that the only relationship I want is someone who cares about be as I am and sees me as the man I am. And I know from life observation and from other's experiences here that those people are out there. Maybe I'll find one. Time will tell.

But I would say you don't do this because you want to find someone. You do it to find and be YOU. The rest happens in good time I hope

Good luck with your process and information gathering. It can get confusing sometimes because we are all individuals.yrt there are also many similarities

Johnny

[Guest RadioheadRachael]

Sexuality is very fluid especially among women. Most of my friends who are girls, would sleep or have slept with other women. A few have had relationships with women. A friend actually came onto me after I told her I was trans and wished to transition, it was wildly inappropriate for other reasons, but the point is a lot of people it isn't an issue at all. As long as you take care of your body and mind, there will be people for you to date.

People respond best to confidence and comfort in self. So just do what you feel you need to do and let everything else fall into place. Non-traditionally attractive people who are comfortable with themselves get a better response from people than traditionally attractive people who are uncomfortable with themselves.

[Guest Roux]

I think talking to a therapist has to happen. Im not sure of who I am at all now.

Keep reminding yourself that no matter what gender you are, you're you and you're awesome. =)