Well, You Decide-Effects of T When You are Older

[Guest ashleynikole]

HOLY CARP!!!!!

I just went back to this thread from the top and WOW!

Last night at support group, I showed someone a pic of me from 2005 and they said, "NO <EXPLETIVE> WAY?!??!". I honestly don't think I'm that far along at only 6 months HRT, but seeing your pics Johnny have inspired me to find the best pic of my old self and partner it up with a new pic in about 6-8 months (maybe for my 1 yr HRT anniversary).

Wow. God bless you in your journey sir. You are an inspiration (and quite handsome).

Astonished

Ashley

[JJ]

Thanks! The pics in this thread don't even really capture how great the change has been because I don't have any pics of where I was before transition that really show how I looked. The one at the beginning of the thread was me but it was also flattering . I think this one shows it best and it was worse after that.

Not one day goes by that I am not thankful and amazed at what can happen when you decide to do your best. I really never believed I could look male at all. Now even the most redneck guys, who though not nasty as I expected were still very uncomfortable, are just treating me like a regular guy. And recently a young guy refused to believe I wasn't in my 30s till I proved my age. Not that I think I look that young but I do feel great. T is still making changes -which was unexpected.

Sure I sometimes struggle with the whole "I lost so much of my life" or "I'll never be or have" thing, but when I do I remember what I do have is so much more than I dreamed and living as me just feels so good. I look in the mirror and smile-not because I'm good looking-I don't really think so and actually it isn't important to me-but because I see the me I have always needed to be. I see what others see- a man.

I was thinking about it the other day and realized I have made the very best of me that I can physically. That is a great feeling. It's really all I could ask for. I'll never be a big guy or a young guy but I am the best me I can be. It took time and patience and work. Relearning a lot-changing bad habits even more mentally than physically. Deciding to be happy and letting go of bitterness and regret. I've said before and will again and again-this condition robbed me of enough without me letting it rob me of more by being angry and resentful . Being happy IS a choice. And I KNOW that if I can do this anyone can.

Believing that can be hard-can be scary. But even trying makes it better. Trying makes it happen. Making the choice to do your best. I've seen so many lives turned around here as well as my own.

Sometimes it feels like this must all be a dream-but most of the time it feels more like the past was a nightmare and I finally managed to find my way through and wake myself up.

Thanks again!

Johnny

[Guest MostlySwell]

Hear! Hear!

I very much appreciate your sharing this, Johnny. I feel the same way about the past and the struggle with not feeling bitter. How free it is to let go of that, even if I find myself letting go over and over. I'm so very grateful for this site and for all of you who have helped make the path and all who are still doing so. It's remarkable how far we've come and how quickly things attitudes and level of awareness are changing.

[Guest MostlySwell]

Oh. I meant to add an anecdote. A friend came to visit the other day. It was the first time she saw me after my top surgery and starting T. She was floored by the change. She then commented on the phone yesterday about how she couldn't imagine my wearing some items I had given her. Some jewelry and a purse. Yet, she had seen me week after week wearing those very items. (I also can't imagine ever wearing those items!!!!!)

[Guest JandJ]

Such an inspiration Johnny! I'm new here - tomorrow will be my 6th weekly T shot, so I'm very new to transition. I started my transition just after my 50th birthday. I am recovering from 7 major spine surgeries from 2004 - 2009. I think I read somewhere that you use elastic bands for your incredible results. Can you point me to some exercise routines using the bands? I ordered a set after reading your post and seeing your results. Thanks in advance

Jay

[JJ]

Thanks Jay. Still amazes me that it's happened and real.

I started with weaker resistance tubes and worked up to ultra and started with around 10 reps then 20 and now 25 with each thing I do and I do a set twice during a 5 hour hike. I also use wrist weights which I think helps. I hike with them too. As with the resistance I worked up from small weights to now using 2 sets that are close to 5 lbs each arm. If you start out with high weight it will do far more harm than good.

I don't want to build my lower body- had enough of big legs and calves and thighs in my past from rriding a bicycle everywhere, including trips to the mountains, when I lived in Denver in my 20s and 30s and fear that if I work them they will come back. I could never wear boots even when I was super fit and small because of the calf muscles. So I only do upper body workouts.

Basically I do pullups with each arm-25 each side while standing feet apart on the tube. I pull up in front and lift my arm till it curls into my shoulder. Then I attach the tube about shoulder height and do then overhand pulls back to my chest, 25 on each arm, underhand pulls ditto, and 25 side pulls with both arms. Then I turn around and do pushing out with them-25 of the overhand and 25 underhand with each arm, and then I do 25 where I start with my arms parallel to my body and bring them forward straight armed to meet in the middle. I finish with 25 starting with both arms straight overhead and bring them down in front straight armed. You can feel each group of muscles as they work. Because I am in the woods I wrap the band around a tree just a little larger than the grip of my hand-just needs to be stable and not bend. I step out to the point I feel tensions on the band. Because the bark is abrasive I went through tunes every few months till I got one with a fabric cover.

Hard to describe clearly I'm afraid but the bands will come with exercises -at least every one I've gotten has-and there are also videos on YouTube. Just feel free to adapt to what works for you. You can feel the muscles that are working with each exercise. The one with your arms straight out to the side and brought together will also build pecs - not good for chest dysphoria -but it builds upper back and shoulders even better. So I do it. Before I used the bands I could wear a mens small in the shoulders and now I need a large. Still the same size waist etc. Athletic fit shirts work best actually but I can seldom find them. Also because pecs are muscle they will not bind flat. But if you have shoulder and arm muscles you won't look right flat anyway.And nothing eases those dysphoric days like seeing those arm muscles or the strength they bring when I am working on something. I hope it works well for you too.

I've had less back pain since using them than any time in the last 40 years. Apparently the core strength and muscles have stabilized my back. Even the drop foot thing I got from my back problems has virtually disappeared. Just go slow and build up and it should do the job without injury to your back.

Johnny

[Guest NeutraLee]

I just want to say thank you for sharing your story like this, Johnny. There aren't many ftm stories around. I'm a newly exploring ft? and your story provides me so much food for thought.

[JJ]

THe other day while I was clearing out some old stuff I came across what is probably the latest picture of me before I decided to transition. About 2 years before and I actually gained even more weight after this was taken. . Those were my arms and not just the shirt puffing out.Eventually that shirt got too small believe it or not. Nor does it show my largest area then by far which was my backside and legs but it gives you an idea. You can still see it was me but also see how different I am now

Sometimes it's hard to believe it was ever so. Other times that my life is like it is today. Can't quite get my head around both having been me.

Anyway thought I'd share a different before pic closer to my transition. There are plenty of after pics around the forums and this thread so I'm not adding one here.

Johnny

[Guest MostlySwell]

Wow! JJ, thanks for sharing.

--Frederic

[JJ]

Every pic of me is always dressed to hike or hiking but I finally got one dressed to go somewhere instead. This is Thanksgiving this year.. Makes quite a contrast to the one above I think

In fact sometimes I still can't get my head around it.

Johnny

[Guest MostlySwell]

Wow, JJ. That's great. You are a handsome fella!

You inspire me or motivate me to stick to an exercise regime and just keep moving forward. I jumped back onto my home rower the other day.

Just for grins, I'll post a before after here, as well. (Well, I'll have to figure out the My Media thing first. Then I'll post a before after. )

[Guest]

That's a wonderful picture of a very handsome fella.

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest KayC1]

Looking good there Johnny! Who says country boys don't know how to rock it !!

[Guest ravenhawwk]

Hi Johnny,

I wanted to thank you for sharing your story... what a great picture from Thanksgiving...

Alex

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Wow Johnny, you are a hunk. Quite handsome, as well.

hugs,

Stephanie