Crossdresser or something more?

[Guest confusedlt82]

I'll try not to ramble too much.

I'm a straight male. I crossdress a bit for sexual purposes, I like to wear a bra only. But I also feal as if women are somehow better than men, and wonder what it would be like to be one. I am slightly feminine in some ways, not in others. Strangers don't seem to think I'm gay or anything, but people who know me think I have odd girly tastes in music and so on for a man.

So, recently I was reading online about transsexuals because I saw something linked on a blog I read. Aparently some transsexuals can start off in denial, thinking they are just crossdressers but it's acutally more?? I didn't know this. Now that I do, I'm scared. What if I'm a transsexual and not just a crossdresser??

I should mention that I have a history of hyprochondria and I've now been all over the internet researching everything I can find about transsexuality but can't proove that I'm not a transsexual or that I wont one day decide I am.

So is this denial, or just hypochondria?

Note: COGIATI test says I'm a Feminine Male, and other test I've done online say I'm male, but are they accurate? Maybe these tests can't pick me up as transsexual yet because I'm too deeply in denial?

[Guest John Chiv]

I would suggest you see a therapist to both address your fears and figure out your identity in an objective, safe environment with a qualified professional.

John

[Guest Nicholas]

Hey man,

You don't need to worry. See, the thing about gender is, it's all about self-discovery and acknowledging your inner identity. Think about how you see yourself, how you feel about others treating you, and figure out what YOU want. How would you feel if people referred to you as 'she' without hesitation or weirdness? Would that make you comfortable, or uncomfortable? How do you feel about wearing dresses or skirts or any other traditionally feminine clothes? How comfortable are you with 'he', male clothes, masculinity, etc, and how you are perceived and treated by others in regards to gender? Have you ever felt frustrated by being considered male, grouped with other males, relating to other men, etc?

If in 20 years you were living life as a woman, does that sound fulfilling, or uncomfortable?

If in 20 years you were living life as a man, does that feel better?

Transsexualism/transgenderism cannot and never would be diagnosed on you against your wishes. If someday you realize you do identify as something other than cisgender male, that happens completely by your own decision and the process is completely in your hands-- whether you want to pursue treatment, the pace at which that happens, whether you'd like to simply see a therapist and talk, or whether you don't want to do anything at all except crossdress sometimes.

Also realize that gender is not as black and white as some people claim-- it's perfectly normal to be a man with some female traits, or vice versa; some people even find that they identify with more than one gender (bigender, genderqueer, genderfluid, etc) and that's perfectly ok too.

There's nothing to be stressed about. This is just about what makes you feel happy and fulfilled.

Peace,

Nick

[Guest Jenny C]

Nicely explained, Nick !!!

;-)

Jenny

[Guest confusedlt82]

To answer your question Nicholas,

Female clothes don't generally interest me, though I'm curious about a dress of fashionable top. I'm mainly excited by wearing a bra.

Kids in school called me lots of names and occasionally that would include calling me a girl, which I felt insulted by at first and later I thought "that's not an insult, there's nothing wrong with girls", if I girl were to say I was "like one of the girls" as if I'm compassionate and trustworthy and such, I would be complemented (but then I would be slightly upset about being friend-zoned again). So it would depend how they meant it calling me "she", I'd mostly think they were being inaccurate rather than insulting/complimentary. As for calling me "he", that's normal.

In 20 years, well I don't think very far ahead it's hard to imagine either way, but I'd want to be a normal husband and father to someone (haven't met my future wife yet). I'd be quite old by then (by my perspective, no offence to anyone who's ~50) It doesn't feel like it would be any fun any more to be a girl, I'd want to stay a guy. I am imagining some of my heros who are smart men around that age and how I'd want to be witty and awesome like them.

So in summary to your questions, with most of what you're getting at, my feeling is I'm male. But how likely is that to be the end of it? Might I have to worry about my feelings shifting? I mean like deep down denial that I can't pick up on yet?

P.S. Thank you for your responses.

[Guest Kaitlyn16]

Ah yes, denial. It is a very fun game that I'm sure many trans people have played at some point... >.>

The best bet would be to talk to a gender therapist. You do appear to be a bit confused about this, and they should be able to help you sort these feelings out.

Maybe you could try looking at this from a different perspective though, instead of trying to figure out what you feel like you are, ask yourself what you really want to be. After I realized what I wanted, things started to clear up a bit for me. (Don't get me wrong though, there is still some confusion, but I am a LOT closer to figuring it out now than I was before >.>)

It all comes down to being honest with yourself. I know that it isn't always easy (especially with a topic like this), but its the only way to figure it all out.

[Guest onmyway]

I have found talking to a therapist helps and who cares if you don’t “fit” into any of the gender roles. You can just be you. I gave up a long time ago trying to be something I wasn’t.

just my two cents.

[Guest Tinuviall]

I thought I was a crossdresser, turns out I identify more strongly with gender fluid. I allow myself to adapt and choose a comfortable response to each situation. I am male bodied but will begin low dose HRT ... So my mind and body will be more aligned . T thought it was frowned apon to receive hormones unless you wanted to go all the way.( standards of care 7 , says ....not so much )

Tinuviall

[Guest Brianna_Denise]

good point Kaitlyn16, Thats how i truly feel but theres a barrier stopping me to go a step further to want to go MTF.

[Guest ChloëC]

Confused, I'm not sure it's about shifting feelings, more likely it's how you perceive and accept the feelings you have (which I'm more and more suspecting are triggered by chemical reactions within parts of the body from before birth right through old age). Do you have the feelings you have all the time, or do they come and go. How intense are they when you do have them. And how do you handle the feelings that do come? The answers to these and similar may help you understand yourself a little better and give you a little more to go on, especially if you do decide to see a therapist.

I will admit that I'm sort of at the inverse position of you, from what I understand. I've always felt since at least age 4 or 5 that I should have been/should be the opposite gender from my outward birth gender. But I've also made choices in my life, very often understanding the consequences. And some of them have been that I know I'll never investigate transitioning. But I have learned to live with cross-dressing. Maybe not as fulfilling as full mtf (since I'll never know), but I have reached a point where I can deal with it, and move on with the rest of my life. Which includes a first marriage with a now grown married son and two wonderful grandchildren, and a second on-going marriage (34 years) with two grown daughters, one getting married later this year and the potential of more grandchildren. I would have to put all that on the line which includes significant personal happiness against a potential personal happiness in another direction and understand that it may be with or without any of those people.

I've made the choice. I cannot guarantee that making a choice using this criteria will work for everyone, but I think most of us are rational enough to consider the different possibilities and ourselves and what we're willing to live with and to give up.

Traditionally, most transitioners seem to know something's different from a young age, but there are plenty of cases of people coming to that acceptance and decision later. That's why it may be to your benefit to look into your feelings now, get some kind of baseline and see if there are changes over time, and where they seem to be going. I don't think it's particularly easy at any single moment to come to some kind of long term understanding of what's going on, what you want, what you can live with.

But as I always say, this is my opinion from my own experiences and reading and sharing with others. If it helps, good. If someone else sees this and it helps, good, too. If not, well fleshing out my own feelings is always helpful.

Hugz

Chloë