What Is It You Like Or Desire Most About Being a Man?

[Carolyn Marie]

This is a first for me, as I don't recall ever starting a thread in this forum. I hope you'll pardon the intrusion, gentlemen.

I'll try to explain the kind of responses I'm trying to elicit by my question, above.

I am not talking about wanting to feel complete, or feel masculine, or reach a goal, or become the person you have always known you were. My question is more about, what are the qualities of being male, of being a man, that you most desire (if you're not there yet) or most love (if you've already transitioned or are almost there)? What makes being a man unique, valuable, and important to you, as an individual?

Am I making sense, or do I sound ditsy? LOL!

I've started a nearly identical thread in the MtF Forum, so you guys can compare and contrast your responses to those of the ladies. Maybe we'll see some similarities. On the other hand, maybe we'll all just be confused.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[JJ]

Interesting question Carolyn.

I haven't thought about it specifically except as qualities I want to have as a person - I think I would have to answer that it is strength. And being seen as strong physically for my age as well as spiritually and mentally.

The mental and emotional is a two edged sword in my opinion and can become a trap but I still value it. And being physically strong-not a muscle man or anything, just strong -has always been important to me. Perhaps because I am exceedingly independent and being strong means I can take care of my needs myself. And help others when they need it.

Kind of eye opening to realize that is what I value as a masculine trait. Of course there is integrity and all that implies and it is more important to me than strength but I don't see it as a male characteristic. I really don't tend to define a lot in terms of gender except strength and forthrightness. Being very direct and I also value that in myself. I have always been told I was more masculine than feminine that way so it must be a male trait by society's definition anyway.

In a way this is hard because I don't want to be a man because I particularly value or desire things about being a man. I just am. Guess I'll have to stick with being strong. Everything else pretty much is the same for men and women except expressed differently

Hope this is what you are seeking. I'm really seriously sleep short today and my bulb is pretty well dimmed to a weak glimmer.

Read the women's thread and can add that I also love not caring so much about appearance. People understand now if I wear the same soft old shirt all the time. Laundered and put right back on. And my jeans that feel so natural. No real concern if something is a current fashion and no accessorizing. Comfort rules the day. Yeah -I like that. A lot. My inner slob can come out and play-at least at home. In my family men didn't go out as slobs-appearance sends messages male or female- but home was another matter.

Johnny

[Guest John Chiv]

Carolyn,

I was going to answer being me but since you want to know about qualities I will list some and state that these are qualities I have and admire in myself and have had them before I completed transition.

To me a man is a provider and a protector and by this I don't mean that the woman is helpless, it's a primal and natural feeling for me and I want to take care of the woman I care about as well as my woman friends but that is a different kind of relationship. Honesty and being dependable and this means true to myself regardless of the challenges and being there for my friends and the woman I love unconditionally. Being that rock for your woman when her world is falling apart and she may take it out on you but it is because she knows you will be there for her.

Assertiveness and independence. To me knowing I can take care of myself and I am a take charge of guy is important. I am talking about being confident and not controlling and about being decisive.

Some of these qualities are not necessarily male but you asked for qualities I admire and what I like about being a man.

John

[Guest Jesse0319]

For me, I think it's about being able to help people physically. I actually find charity work to be fun, but every time I volunteer somewhere, I get put with children, or put to work doing something equally feminine...it's not really about being seen as masculine, though. At school, when the janitors need help moving the wrestling mats, I want them to think, "Oh, Jesse'll help!". Instead, when I OFFER to help (I actually did help them move the mats once, and I did just fine) what they tell me is, "Oh, let's leave it to the guys" ....even if the guys don't wanna do it. The only reason I got to help the one time was because my English teacher is feminist and started to out-and-out argue with the principal, who was present.

I just want to be able to help people like that. I don't like kids, and I don't appreciate people assuming that I do well with them because they think I'm a woman. I like being able to help people do things that they can't do themselves, and I like offering my assistance to others. People often assume I can't help them, though, because "I'm not a guy" :<

-Jesse

[Guest Gauvain]

What I like about being a guy is that I'm not "your average guy" I guess. The stereotypes work against me. I'm really sensitive and clingy and things like that, so people can easily beat me down with stereotypes saying that I'm can't be a boy because of things like that. But honestly, it's just part of me being myself. I am a guy, and those things are just part of it. It's better that I don't mold myself into society's little box, because if I did, then I wouldn't be myself, and I wouldn't be a guy. I would just be an empty box, I guess.

I don't know if that really made any sense at all, but basically what I like about being a guy is that I'm not exactly how people want me to be in order to be male. So yeah, I guess that's basically it, if it made any sense... ^^;

- Gauvain

[Guest Kael147]

Seriously, I just want to fit in. I am an outgoing person and men just seem to be able to kibitz and joke the way I do. Does this makes sense?

[Guest ranse]

I want it to finally be okay when I throw a great spiral; I'm tired of other guys slinking off because they think they're being one-upped by a girl.

Seriously, like John, I see myself as a provider and a protector. I look forward to other people seeing me that way. I'm also looking forward to people looking at me in approval when I roughhouse with my kids instead of tsk-tsking that that's not how women are supposed to act.

I wonder how the outward gender change will affect people's outlook on me as a solo parent. Most of the single moms I know still face some kind of stigma; I know a few full-time single dads who get loads of praise for raising children alone.

I also look forward to being like all the other guys I grew up around who flirt harmlessly with women (I don't know how to explain it ... the Southern man thing where they can casually wink at a woman and it's charming, not creepy or seen as trying to hard ... you have to see it to understand it) and tell great stories, etc. I know those are things women can do, but I've never felt free enough to to do them while being seen as a female.

The funny thing about this is as I try to move from one sex to another and from one gender role to another, I wind up using stereotypes and societal expectations to describe my ideal self.

[Guest ranse]

Seriously, I just want to fit in. I am an outgoing person and men just seem to be able to kibitz and joke the way I do. Does this makes sense?

Totally. Every work environment I've been in, I wind up with the guys, joking and shooting the breeze. They accept me; usually, the women don't or don't know how to respond to a masculine personality in a female shape.

[Guest leo]

Agrees with Kael! Though I like the dominance and to be honest to have a penis!

[Guest Exeter]

These are really the only ones that are entirely male-specific.

- Having a deep voice; particularly for singing. I admire baritone male singers most of all, and would love to be able to sound like that one day.

- Having a flat, 100% male chest.

(There are other physical things, of course... erm... *points down*, but those really aren't what was being asked, right? Plus, I'm not going to say something like --> 'the ability to urinate standing up', as despite how important that, sadly, is to me, it's something I can already do fairly well, and I wish to defend that females CAN do that if they know how. I'm weird like that.)

And most of the others aren't really things that people can't do in some capacity as a female... (As I'm a strong disbeliever in gender stereotypes) But for me to do any of them comfortably, I'd have to be male, as I feel I should be on the male side of the spectrum.

- Being able to go around without a shirt and not be considered vulgar or nude. (or without having to feel extremely dysphoric, of course, because of female parts... Because, you know even if I were on a nudist beach, I wouldn't go topless as a girl.)

- Being able to joke with a group of guys about things that would seem inappropriate for mixed-sex friends, and just otherwise fit in completely as one of the boys.

- Rebel against gender stereotypes as a male, rather than a female. --> Being able to wear androgynous clothing, make-up, etc. and have that be considered rebellion, rather than simply comforming to the 'norm' for a girl. And feeling less obligated to prove strength and be overly masculine. Ironic, yes, but it's because I hate gender stereotypes, and feel I have to prove I'm not a girl. I'd love to not worry about that anymore. I'd be less competitive and no longer insecure. I'd be perfectly happy if a girl kicked my bum at something.

- Wear what I want and have my hair however I'd like as a male. (And get to be a girly boy rather than being a masculine, butch girl.)

- Be attractive as a male. (Being considered 'hot' or 'sexy' as a girl CREEPS me out! )

That's basically it, well other than... erm... not having to be plagued by certain 'functions' anymore. And in fact, I'd love to have the male ones, instead. And though it's not biologically possible in the conventional way, I'd probably like to be a dad -- I'm too much a kid, myself, mentally and emotionally right now, but maybe someday in the distant future. (Whereas being a mother scares me even if I'm not giving birth....)

[Guest ShortyT]

Burly voice. I love listening to myself in the morning.

[Guest Masculinity]

I gotta say almost everything. But, the things I desire more than anything about being a man is:

- Be able to fit in and be seen as a normal man, not a woman that changed to a man. I want people to see me as biologically male because even if I was born a female, I was actually a guy all the time since I was just born in the wrong way.

- Look good...I want to have girls go wow with my looks like I was a cisgendered male and leave them in doubt of me being transsexual since I look...um..... hot. ..oops, looks like I just spoke for many FTMs in here with that.

- Have top surgery!

That's all...I want those three stuff more than having a penis and stuff like that.

[Guest Gregg Jameson]

Hi Carolyn Marie!

First off, please do not feel like you might be "intruding" if/when starting a thread here! I welcome your presence here!

I have considered your question, repeatedly, throughout the day. Maybe I have some kind of a brain glitch, yet I just do not thoroughly understand your question. I can answer saying: I am, at the very core of my identity, male. When I start trying to list traits, they are not traits exclusive to men. I love strong women! Strong in every way!

I tend to be a protector and want to provide for others. While I can be sensitive and can yield when it is most appropriate to do so, I am a leader and a warrior in so many ways. I step forward in any confrontation that threatens my household, my loved ones, and am sure the interests of my loved ones are totally protected. I work hard to change laws in order to offer more protections to the most vulnerable members of our society. I can go on and on; yet, in all honesty, it is possible a strong female might do much the same.

So, as I think about the type of info you are looking for, I think I best answer this by telling you how much I adore women!

Women seriously stoke the male energy within. I adore women, yet I truly do not want to be a woman.

I want to protect them, provide for them, encourage them, support them, escort them, cherish them, comfort them, honor them, love them. I am so very attracted to women. I love their style, their walk, their lipstick, their beauty, their... everything. So incredibly... wow! I enjoy the strong response I have to women.

I enjoy the simplicity of men's clothing, men's styles... the simplicity of men's lives. I am comfortable as a man. I love my one-on-one time with a woman, with the woman I love. In social groups, I am much more comfortable with men. I don't care for men without integrity and men whom do not show tremendous respect toward women. I thoroughly enjoy my time with other men... socially and for business. We often think alike. Within social groups, I identify with men of social power and of integrity.

Yet, when the work of the day is done, I want to retreat with my beautiful, sensitive, soft, sensuous female lover. I don't want to watch television with her... no, no, no! I want to hold her, look into her beautiful eyes, listen to her, show her affection and appreciation, attend to her needs.

I am not sure I have answered your question, Carolyn Marie. Yet, I'd wanted to make an effort!

My Best to All,

Brad

[Carolyn Marie]

LOL! Brad, you not only answered my question, you left me panting! What a guy! Thanks, hon.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Rowan19]

Manly things that I already have and love: My chivalry, it makes me feel like a noble Knight of King Athur's court!

Things I wish I had: Big hands and impressive physical skill.

[Guest Lelouch]

I don't know if this is too simplistic or what, but my answer would be:

because it feels right.

[Guest Kallum]

What Is It You Like Or Desire Most About Being a Man?

It's an interesting question because there are so many ways that I could answer it.

- The thing that I most like about being a man (im 16 so technically im a boy, but still) is that it's who I am.

- Also, like a few of the other guys have said, I see myself as a protector. I want to be able to care for the women in my life in a masculine way.

- There are a lot of physical things to like physical strangth, having a flat chest, and being able to stand and pee (still practising in the shower at the moment its an entertaining experience!)

Hope this gives you some insight

Great question

Kal

[Guest Lelouch]

Kal, your last note there made me lol. I do that all the time.

[Guest Talon]

Oh there is lots...

I like being able to eat as much as I want (usually a lot!) when there are others around and not having anyone comment negatively on it. Instead people just say "Oh what a hungry man you are, you must've worked hard today."

Being able to eat all the meat I want without anyone thinking it's inappropriate.

Also, being able to sweat and groan as much as I want when I work out and not having anyone comment or stare.

Being able to help carry heavy/bulky stuff, changing a tire, changing a light bulb without people taking it away from me and telling me to "Leave it to the guy(s) when he (they) get here."

I like not having to smile and laugh at stuff that is not funny or cute only to be polite and make others feel good. Like, not being expected to touch people's arms all the time and say sweet stuff. I am a nice person but I am more into pats on the back

Yeah, all in all, not being expected to be so damn sweet all the time.

Not having people tone down the bad language, change to a more civilized subject etc. when I join a conversation. It's much, much better (for me) to just be included in a fun conversation.

Not having people look at me like I'm completely retarded and a unsuccessful failure as a human being when I tell them I can't cook to save my life and that I still don't get many basic principles behind doing my laundry.

Not having people act as if I am completely supernatural and calling me a "handy girl" or other lame stuff when I tell them that I can fix my bike and change the oil in my truck by myself.

And lots of other stuff...

I might post again, there is definitely more!

Talon.

[Guest Erwynn]

I've never been in a particularly gender role oriented world, so I have a hard time thinking of traits as "male". I remember, as a little kid when Grandma would take me to church, trying to sing hymns in a deep voice. I used to run around wearing a hard hat and mittens when I was two, because I wanted to be a construction guy like my dad. I built things with Grandpa and wore my dad's old clothes when I visited their house. I couldn't stand when my mother would ask for help fixing things and putting things together, and I learned how to do everything I could, and I didn't really have men around as role models much at all after I was 10. But I learned to use power tools, wire stuff, do plumbing, landscape, etc, because those things suited me. In my marriage to a man, I did those things, too, and he didn't.

I've always, since I can remember, wanted to be seen as chivalrous. I held doors for girls, and I carried things. Still do, but I have a fiance who is as strong as me and doesn't much let me do things for her. She hurt her elbow, and I finally get to carry stuff for her. ;-)

I guess I don't have a real answer. I need to look more male, because I do have body dysphoria. But I never really thought any of the above wasn't anything a woman didn't do, besides singing hymns in a deep voice.

[Guest Damond]

While I want to be a guy, I don't want to be masculine. I like my body frame as it is, aside from the obvious markers as being a girl. I really, really want a flat chest. I don't care if people find me attractive as a girl, but as a guy. I like to imagine that people that don't know me around school are trying to figure out if I'm a boy or a girl (and hopefully decide boy). I do like the feminine or emo boy look. Maybe as a girl I'm not very feminine, but as a guy I would be, and I want that. Not in a girly way but kind of a flamboyant way.

[Guest Rowan19]

Oh there is lots...

I like being able to eat as much as I want (usually a lot!) when there are others around and not having anyone comment negatively on it. Instead people just say "Oh what a hungry man you are, you must've worked hard today."

Being able to eat all the meat I want without anyone thinking it's inappropriate.

Also, being able to sweat and groan as much as I want when I work out and not having anyone comment or stare.

Being able to help carry heavy/bulky stuff, changing a tire, changing a light bulb without people taking it away from me and telling me to "Leave it to the guy(s) when he (they) get here."

I like not having to smile and laugh at stuff that is not funny or cute only to be polite and make others feel good. Like, not being expected to touch people's arms all the time and say sweet stuff. I am a nice person but I am more into pats on the back

Yeah, all in all, not being expected to be so damn sweet all the time.

Not having people tone down the bad language, change to a more civilized subject etc. when I join a conversation. It's much, much better (for me) to just be included in a fun conversation.

Not having people look at me like I'm completely retarded and a unsuccessful failure as a human being when I tell them I can't cook to save my life and that I still don't get many basic principles behind doing my laundry.

Not having people act as if I am completely supernatural and calling me a "handy girl" or other lame stuff when I tell them that I can fix my bike and change the oil in my truck by myself.

And lots of other stuff...

I might post again, there is definitely more!

Talon.

U just said a mouthful there bro!

[Guest Rowan19]

While I want to be a guy, I don't want to be masculine. I like my body frame as it is, aside from the obvious markers as being a girl. I really, really want a flat chest. I don't care if people find me attractive as a girl, but as a guy. I like to imagine that people that don't know me around school are trying to figure out if I'm a boy or a girl (and hopefully decide boy). I do like the feminine or emo boy look. Maybe as a girl I'm not very feminine, but as a guy I would be, and I want that. Not in a girly way but kind of a flamboyant way.

Same. And even though I've started getting a bit more masculine lately, I still cherish my guyliner & skin tight clothing like the first time I realised Barbie's clothes come off! XD

[Guest Lelouch]

Another thing to add to my list, I want to save myself the hassle of going to the restroom. It's bad enough that I get all the stares when I step in the female restroom at school, but I have to wait cause they take too long to pee. And some of them change their clothes in the stalls so you can't use the toilet even if you are in dire need. It's really annoying. I get to escape this when I'm not in school. I just use common restrooms. Saves me from a bunch of stares.

[Guest sphere]

Aside from being comfortable in my own body?

having muscles. I hate being a stick. I want to be beeeffffyyyy.

and I want to be hairy. I want a beard.

and having a deep voice.

and I want a penis. for obvious reasons.

and yeah pretty much everything.