I Am Not Really Sure What I Am.

[Guest Kenzie W]

I really don't know what to consider myself. I often wish I was born a girl, I very much envy them for their beauty and pretty much everything else about them. I have felt this way for as long as I can remember but only in the last few years have I really started thinking about it. I have been trying ignore and suppress these feelings for years as I felt far too embarrassed to tell anyone about it, but now I can't stop thinking about how much happier I would be as a girl. I would be able do all of the things I wish I were able to do without public embarrassment and I would feel beautiful.

I remember when I was younger in elementary school I would often fantasize about switching bodies with girls in my class that I thought were beautiful. I would imagine what it would feel like to be them and how wonderful it must be. I envied them sooo much. I hated not being able to wear beautiful clothes and do girly things. During recess, I so badly wanted do whatever the girls were doing and hang out with them, but they never wanted to be around icky, messy boys and would think I was weird.

I often feel sad and depressed that I can never be the beautiful girl I have always wished I was. I really don't think transitioning would be right for me as I wouldn't feel like I was really a girl. I wouldn't wan't to have a vagina just because girls are supposed to have one, I would want one because for the purpose it is meant to serve, To be able to give birth. The only way I feel I would ever be truly happy is if I could somehow go back in time to before I was born and change my sex so that I would have been born a girl.

I also feel very hurt and offended whenever some idiot tries to accuse me of being a homosexual just because I do or like things that are feminine. How do people get the idea that men who like feminine things must automatically be gay? they act as if liking something feminine somehow triggers a switch to go off in your brain that forces you to find other men attractive. I have never found myself attracted to another man in my life, not that there's anything wrong with that. Men just don't appeal to me. I admire beautiful women far more than any man, no matter how good looking they might be. I just find it really offensive that society doesn't allow men to enjoy feminine things without accusing them of being gay.

[haythorx]

Welcome to the club. I was very confused like you, I guess I still am. I don't act very feminine, at least I don't think I do, but I feel like it. I know it sounds odd. I am so envious of those beautiful ladies . Oh well, I guess I'll stick to crossdressing. No transitions for me.

Haythorx

[Guest katie019]

Hey, welcome.

I felt like you a few years back, with a few minor excptions. I would always admire other girls when I was younger too. Id want to play with my female cousin and her friends but id always be like, I don't want my mom or my little brother or anyone to critisize me. I kept it suppressed for years. Then, when I hit 12-13, my feelings got stronger and harder to deal with. I would pretend to joke with my best friend (a guy) about what it would feel like to be a girl. Or not really feel but be. And he'd be like yeah, whatever(your weird) type thing. Then I wanted to tell my family how I felt but I couldn't so, I had to deal whith it all through school. I finally dropped out and got my GED. But all through my life id sneak in my moms room and wear her clothes, look in the mirror, and be like why? I didn't know what was going on, but I felt more comftorable(sp?). I just knew that's what I wanted.

I came out to all my friends and family when I was 17. I didn't find a name for what I felt like till I was 16. It was some sort of documentary, and the whole time I was like, that's what I feel like!

So I hope that i could help you.

You can pm me if you need to talk or have questions. You remind me of myself.

Katie019.

[Guest nicole lace]

i am also very confused, i wish someone could just tell me what i am, im 33 yr old male who is married with kids, i've always been drawn to girl clothes since i was like 10. i always ignored it through life, the feelings would come and go until i could not hide it anymore and just told my wife, she is very supportive...thankgod..i bought some of my own clothes and feel good, it just feels nice, but still i wonder..i always look a pretty girls wanting to be them and most of the time i am attracted to them, but sometimes i feel like i want to be with a man, i think just to feel like a girl, i dont know..am i gay, bi, a crossdresser, transexual, transvestite, or something else....will someone please please tell me..if it were only that easy.

[MaryEllen]

Counseling with a gender therapist would be a great help. He/she can help you find answers to the things that are confusing to you.

MaryEllen

[Guest Evan_J]

i am also very confused, i wish someone could just tell me what i am, im 33 yr old male who is married with kids, i've always been drawn to girl clothes since i was like 10. i always ignored it through life, the feelings would come and go until i could not hide it anymore and just told my wife, she is very supportive...thankgod..i bought some of my own clothes and feel good, it just feels nice, but still i wonder..i always look a pretty girls wanting to be them and most of the time i am attracted to them, but sometimes i feel like i want to be with a man, i think just to feel like a girl, i dont know..am i gay, bi, a crossdresser, transexual, transvestite, or something else....will someone please please tell me..if it were only that easy.

And here's the thing, your sexual orientation-who you're attracted to (gay, bi, heterosexual)- is entirely separate form your gender identity (male, female, MtF, FtM, androgenous) neither of which is dictated by the "activity" of crossdressing. Now how's that for a brainfull? Don't get to believing that everyone who feels like a woman is attracted to or needs to be attracted to males. You'll be in for a big surprise. And neither should you believe that all people who see themselves as male are automatically by default attracted to women. Like Mary Ellen said, a gender therapist is great at helping folks figure that out.

Yes, there are heterosexual transsexuals (example: a ftm who is attracted to women) and also homosexual ones (a mtf who is lesbian because she likes women for instance).

There's possibly a lot to be worked out in each situation Lindsey and Nicole, take your time and know that there is no "deadline".