Is it Possible for Sexuality to "Change?"

[Guest Amelia]

Hello, everyone!

My regular therapist brought up something interesting yesterday when I questioned my sexuality; she wondered if my attraction to females was brought on because of me attempting to fit the "normal" image of a boy, and my true attraction is towards males. And I may have repressed those true feelings, as I was too afraid to be judged (and I am).

I've questioned my sexuality before this whole transgender thing, but I was always too afraid to explore it. I've said "I'd go gay for " too many times! I still have an attraction towards girls, and I'm starting to explore the feelings I had toward boys in the past, and I now feel I'm bisexual.

So I was wondering, ladies, did your attraction towards the two genders "change" when you transitioned or welcomed the thought of possibly being transgender? i.e.- You kept your sexuality hidden until you finally became OK with you and your body?

[Guest Amberley_Vail]

I dont plan on telling anyone yet; one 'out' at a time, but if I see a hetero kiss / sex scene in a film, I now find myself imagining myself in the woman's position as much as the guys. But the thought of being with a man pre-transition just doesnt appeal to me.

So it does happen!

[Guest Elizabeth K]

My therapist says it's a 50-50 chance. I have transitioned and live as a woman, but I am pre-op. I will admit men look a whole lot different to me now. I wonder what post-op does to those feelings. sometimes, but I am 64 and not sexually active anyway. Plus I already am in a relationship and have NO problems loving my sweet baby, just as she is, just as I am.

But if I had been post op at age 25? Probably I would have reworked my orientation. I mean when you get that equipment, isn't it tempting to see how it works? BUT again, many women out there? They really prefer NOT to have all that going on.

So who knows. Go with what comes your way., I think. Maybe find love with a another person, regardless of their gender. It's an easy solution.

Lizzie

[Guest Melanie54]

It can. I know mine is changing most definitely. I'm pretty close to bisexual with a bias towards men but I do still find women attractive in that way. =) Lizzie is certainly right. Something about taking E I think, makes you look at men a little differently.

Yeah but being pre-op being with a guy is kinda not my thing. =/

Madison

[JJ]

It is my understanding that because sexual preference is also hard wired in the brain it doesn't actually change BUT our ability to accept our preference and even recognize it can and does.

I always knew I was not a lesbian. And that wannabe feeling can be so strong it feels like great attraction. Since going on T I have realized and accepted that I am a straight man. It has been a liberating experience. I had even been married and had a child. But always with men there was a "Is that all there is?" feeling. I wanted to be with them but never actually to have a sexual relationship with them.

Now I understand why. The mind is so complex it can definitely fool us.

Johnny

[Guest Luturna]

I dont plan on telling anyone yet; one 'out' at a time, but if I see a hetero kiss / sex scene in a film, I now find myself imagining myself in the woman's position as much as the guys. But the thought of being with a man pre-transition just doesnt appeal to me.

So it does happen!

This sums it up for me as well. A friend who I came out to has already said before I thought about it myself sees me going with a guy once I have transitioned.

[Guest Exeter]

Sorry for intruding ladies, boy here. Hope you don't mind.

I think it can, too. And I personally think it's a lot like what Johnny said, more about opening up to who we always were, rather than an actual change. I really think mine has been clearing up, as ever since I've come to terms with being FtM and seeing myself as male, I've been looking at girls differently. I'm still attracted mostly to males, but I'm noticing this odd thing that wasn't there before. I think it's because I never saw myself as a bisexual female, and couldn't be comfortable being one, but as a male, it feels different.

I haven't started T yet, or anything, so I'm not 100% sure how I'll feel when my body is aligned, but I'm thinking I'm Bi, and always have been, but just wasn't comfortable being female attracted to another female.

[Guest Ney'ite]

I think that once on your target gender hormones (since we have both FTMs and MTFs chiming in here), our bodies with those new hormones often allow us to break down our previous barriers we put up towards a particular gender. I will admit that for me, now 2+ years on HRT, my thoughts towards males has changed some for the better. I am in no way attracted to them one iota, however, I no longer have an intense loathing for them anymore...HRT has toned it down a LOT in me thankfully.

Strangers only see me as female now and because my attraction is still 100% toward other females, I usually get tagged with the cereal box label “lesbian.” That is other people's choice. To me, I am just me.

[Guest Shari]

Umm hmm,

I don't think my sexuality has changed, but, I'm open to whatever happens in the future. I suppose at this stage, I would fall for just about anyone who would me as a woman should be loved.

Shari

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Sex...sex....sex.........

I lived 58 years in a male world with a male body.......and lived with black and white......

But, upon transitioning.....I have found that the biggest revelation to me is the ability to love......

Sex? Yeah, if I had done this at 20-25-30-35..I probably would of experienced a relationship with a male.....

But now.....

I am totally in love with my "other" and there the story ends.....

(even after surgery ....hopefully later this year...)

Dee Jay

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

I put this in another thread but will repeat it here since it is just as appropriate.

I want to say I am pre-hormones and realise I might still be blocking things or it may change but...

I am only sexually attracted to females. However, I could see myself falling in love with the right man (if my wife and I split up) and if I fall in love with a man, I believe I would then be sexually attracted to him.

[Guest Stormrider2112]

I think that once on your target gender hormones (since we have both FTMs and MTFs chiming in here), our bodies with those new hormones often allow us to break down our previous barriers we put up towards a particular gender. I will admit that for me, now 2+ years on HRT, my thoughts towards males has changed some for the better. I am in no way attracted to them one iota, however, I no longer have an intense loathing for them anymore...HRT has toned it down a LOT in me thankfully.

Strangers only see me as female now and because my attraction is still 100% toward other females, I usually get tagged with the cereal box label “lesbian.” That is other people's choice. To me, I am just me.

I've only been on HRT for 2 months, and I've already found myself doing what can only be imagined as an exaggerated anime girl doing gaga eyes to this one particular guy at work (though just him for some reason...maybe because I never saw him before I started). I still picture myself with a woman, however. I'm slowly getting used to my brain adjusting to the new chemistry, but I'm willing to accept whatever I wind up as (straight or lesbian).

[Guest apostate79]

I have raised my own concerns regarding this. I originally discovered my sexual feelings toward males when I was still a teenager, and those feelings horrified me to such a degree that for many weeks I remember falling into a depression. It was a tremendous relief for me to know that I was also attracted to girls, and from that point on I only allowed myself permission to explore my attraction to women. I no longer fear becoming attracted to men, but rather I fear losing my attraction to women, and I have not yet started HRT. I feel deeply saddened when I read and hear stories of transwomen who lose their marriages because they lost their attraction to females and ended up exclusively heterosexual, and I worry about it happening to me.

[Guest Ney'ite]

...

I feel deeply saddened when I read and hear stories of transwomen who lose their marriages because they lost their attraction to females and ended up exclusively heterosexual, and I worry about it happening to me.

...

I was one who lost my 17+ year marriage due to transitioning, though not *quite* for the same reason you mentioned. My soon-to-be-ex-wife-turned-BFF/sister does not identify as lesbian. We still do everything together, live together (separate bedrooms though), share household expenses together, grocery shop together (yes, we get those silent disapproval-of-lesbians "looks" now and then by other shoppers - mostly older shoppers), nearly everything. But she now has a boyfriend. Oh well, I am not complaining as I know SOOOOO many have it much worse off than I do.

[~Nova~]

I was one who lost my 17+ year marriage due to transitioning, though not *quite* for the same reason you mentioned. My soon-to-be-ex-wife-turned-BFF/sister does not identify as lesbian. We still do everything together, live together (separate bedrooms though), share household expenses together, grocery shop together (yes, we get those silent disapproval-of-lesbians "looks" now and then by other shoppers - mostly older shoppers), nearly everything. But she now has a boyfriend. Oh well, I am not complaining as I know SOOOOO many have it much worse off than I do.

I don't remember writing that, but I must have. It's me exactly. Except the bold

My 20 year anniversary just past. I wasn't even allowed to mention it. I didn't. we live as sisters. we introduce ourselves as sisters.

She has made it clear that she is not a lesbian and will have no part of it. I'm not a lesbian either and truthfully, I'm just not interested in her, or any girl for that matter, anymore. We talk about dating and her response is she will not. I WANT TO BUT CAN'T FIND A BOYFRIEND. To ugly I guess.

[Guest Ney'ite]

...

I don't remember writing that, but I must have. It's me exactly. Except the bold

...

Hehe - nopers, I was quoting, who was it, apostate79.

...

To ugly I guess.

...

Oh no you don't - we won't even GO there young lady! I think many in here will chime in that you are anything BUT ugly . . . no matter how tiny you write it!

And I will add that Carolyn got my first "cute as a button" comment with her flower picture from V-Day, your current avatar picture will get my second one - you are cute as a button in that picture young lady!

[Guest XFaelanX]

Autum you are a beautiful women and I'm sure the right guy will come along someday. (hopefuly soon ;] )

[Guest xxCynthiaxx]

Omg I can totally relate!! i am new here and i just wrote my entire story of struggle with this that is pending approval but yeah honestly people say that it can change with the hormones.. but i don't think hormones can really change that.... in fact i really hope it doesn't because the whole reason im transitioning is because i want to be who i really am.... and a new attraction to men would not be it at all... the fact that unless they were repressed which to me there never was any attraction to men. at all since when puberty hit and this was after i already thought i was a girl... i was attracted to women and only women and still am and don't think i ever will be attracted to men... im all about emotional connection. and i remember when i was watching tv one day and some commercial came on with some women with big breasts and it was like a lightbulb turned on in my head and girls no longer had cooties. maybe physically certain sensations that women feel internally like penetration for example. may become more pleasurable but nothing can change who you love and who your attracted to. its all about what you find in that person. there personality and only you can know. honestly i am really off put by men and there aggressiveness. there physical features do nothing for me and believe me i tried to get interested. because being gay would be easier then telling my parents that im a women and they still don't know that i am in the process of transitioning but they will find out real soon. i honestly i don't think you should explore this to much. if you like women you like women and thats that. if you like both that's great to but that's only if you really felt like you did. therapist or not who has the right to question who your attracted to. isn't that what everyone is fighting for. the right to be accepted for loving who they love. liking who they like. marrying who they want to marry. not what the world considers right just because your a women doesn't mean you have to like men and vice versa if your gender therapist keeps pushing the question. ask them why they ask that and then ask if they think its wrong for women to like women and if they say yes run and get away from them as fast as you can hope this helps!!

[Guest chngnwnd]

I have to agree with JJ. Orientation is hard wired, out ability to accept and act on it varies. When I first started to transition, I went through an experimental phase with men. In retrospect, I probably did it to fit in as a woman. A few months after hormones, I found my arttraction to women growing again and now find being with a man rather distasteful. My thought is that as I became more comfrotable with myself, fitting in became less of an issue so it was easier to stick with my natural inclinations.

hugs

Bobbi

[Guest rikkicd64]

I was one who lost my 17+ year marriage due to transitioning, though not *quite* for the same reason you mentioned. My soon-to-be-ex-wife-turned-BFF/sister does not identify as lesbian. We still do everything together, live together (separate bedrooms though), share household expenses together, grocery shop together (yes, we get those silent disapproval-of-lesbians "looks" now and then by other shoppers - mostly older shoppers), nearly everything. But she now has a boyfriend. Oh well, I am not complaining as I know SOOOOO many have it much worse off than I do.

I don't remember writing that, but I must have. It's me exactly. Except the bold

My 20 year anniversary just past. I wasn't even allowed to mention it. I didn't. we live as sisters. we introduce ourselves as sisters.

She has made it clear that she is not a lesbian and will have no part of it. I'm not a lesbian either and truthfully, I'm just not interested in her, or any girl for that matter, anymore. We talk about dating and her response is she will not. I WANT TO BUT CAN'T FIND A BOYFRIEND. To ugly I guess.

Autumn,you are a beautiful young lady,you will meet the right one.

Rikki..

[Guest brenda lee]

sweetie ,i would love to get to be the female in a realationship. To be a housewife or girlfriend would be great.LOL Brenda Lee

[Guest Michaele]

For me at 7 month on HRT I'd have to say my orientation is in flux. Most of my life I was a strait male (dare I mention the experiments with a high school friend) and played that part with 3 ex wives. I had kids and did the whole male persona thing. Before males did nothing for me, ok I could tell if I guy was attractive but barely. Now I look at guys and am not repulsed, in fact they are starting to interest me and I've thought "he's kind of cute". I've always fantasized being the female in sexual encounters, but with the current state of equipment (pre op) it just puts me in a funk now.

Wow long dissertation to just say YES for me I think it is changing.

Big Hugs

Shelley

[Guest RadioheadRachael]

I don't think it changes, I think how you view yourself consciously changes. When I thought I was a man, I desperately wanted to be close to women and get validation from them though I was not actually turned on by sleeping with them or their bodies. Now that I know I'm a woman, I don't feel the same overwhelming desire. And this coincided with me allowing my attraction to men to come out. Now I think of myself as mostly straight, but I'd certainly fool around with women for fun and intimacy. They just don't turn me on.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is once I was able to see myself clearly, I could see my sexuality clearly. Nothing changed, I just became self-aware.

[Guest Amelia]

Thanks for all the responses, everyone! I asked my gender therapist on Friday about this subject, and she told me that several clients she has worked with have "changed" (not exactly the operative word here) or recognized their true sexuality after or during transition. In my case, it seems to be pre-transition!

I myself am still a little wishy-washy on the whole thing, but I feel that I would be bisexual if I were a female. But in that case, I should be bisexual now, regardless of my present gender, no? And inside of me I feel that I should love someone for who they are, not the secondary characteristics we scrutinize so much, like gender. It's all a little too confusing right now... Maybe I'll figure it out when I finally get into a relationship for the first time.

Oh well, this is still a great conversation piece. So by all means, if there are any more stories, please share!

Love,

Jessica

[Guest Mayrah]

I was always very straight, and when i started my transition that went out of the window almost immediatly. Now im bisexual since i go for both men and women.