Surname change and spouse/kids

[Ravin]

When I got married to my husband, I kept my father's name and added my husband's, with no hyphen. When I change my name, I'm thinking I'll go back to my birth surname. I'm worried about the impact of this on my spouse and my kids (who have his name in conventional fashion). Has anyone else dealt with this issue? I know a lot of trans guys are in relationships with women before/after, so this might not come up.

Thoughts?

[JJ]

Just my take but it seems to me that this may be something you would want to work out with your spouse and children. For us it is not a driving need usually -not the surname at least-but it can be vitally important to those who love us. They already have to accept big changes and changing your name away from theirs could be traumatic -even feel like a deeper separation or betrayal to them.

In many same sex marriages the partners share a hyphenated name. Keeping your name as it is or adding the hyphen might be worth it as a gesture of love and connection to your family.

Essentially I think you need to work it out with them at the very least

Johnny

[Guest Kael147]

Hey - I agree with Johnny, but I'm trying to work out the same thing. My kids have my ex-wife's last name and so do I, but when I change my name I'm thinking of going back to my last name I was born with. It is a tough decision and I waffle on it daily. I'm assuming it will come to me sooner or later. I'm actually thinking that I may keep my ex's last name and add my last name in the middle.

Again - your choice, but you should figure it out with your family.

Take care and good luck,

Kael

[Ravin]

My husband wasn't much help. "It's a personal decision." and "As long as you don't expect me to change my name, I don't care." were all I got out of him. Our girlfriend thinks that as long as I'm married to him, I should have his name. However, given that I've never been completely comfortable using his name...even after being married for 12 years, It seems odd whenever anyone addresses me as "Ravin Marriedname."

I figure if they want to stand on tradition, going with my father's name will help it sink in that this gender thing isn't just going away. They still think it's a phase.