My Story

[Guest EmilyK]

This is my story, such as it is.

I remember coming home one night. At least, what I considered home at the time. I was on the verge of homelessness, having lost my job, family and most of my friends. I climbed the stairs into the second story flat I was living in, where I slowly made my way down the small, dark hall, into the living room. The friend that I was staying with had been unable to pay the power bill for the last six months, so we suffered without power. I had picked up driving a taxi because I couldn’t find what I considered a “real job”, so I spent the small amount of money driving on food, and that’s just about all that it covered.

The friend that I was staying with was also a taxi driver, that’s how we met. Between the two of us, we didn’t make enough money to cover the rent, either, so we ended up getting evicted and lived out of his car for about 4 months. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Anyhow, on that night, I realized how much my life sucked, and how decisions that I made much earlier in my life ended up screwing me over.

Fast forward a couple of months, after the eviction, living in my friends car. We spent a lot of time together. My friend, of course, was a gay man. Up to this point in my life, I was a straight man, at least in actions. It turned out, he had spent plenty of time trying to “get into my pants”, as it were. I said no, but that got me to thinking. I realized I probably wasn’t as “straight” as I let on. Truth is, I’ve spent my life wondering about how my life would be different as a female. I’ve always got along better with women than men, and I spent plenty of time when I was younger dressing in my older sisters clothes. It was never a sexual thing for me, I just felt more comfortable in womens clothes, and I liked the variety better. All I had ever wanted in my life was a loving relationship with someone I could spend my life with, but so far that ended for me with a divorce. The more that I thought about it, the more that I realized that the problem was me. I didn’t want to be a man, I was a woman.

Back to my gay friend, we ended up not getting together, because I would have wanted to be with him as a woman, but he enjoyed very masculine men. I ended up being taken in with a loving family that was just as poor as me, but made space for me in their home. I lived with them for over a year before I was finally back on my feet enough to get an apartment.

Unfortunately, this family became really close, they are now my family, but they are also fundamentalist christian, so I don’t know how my transition would affect them. I am their adopted brother, and adopted uncle to their kids. That will probably cause me the most grief, I just don’t know.

There is so much more, but this is pretty long as it is.

Em

[MaryEllen]

Hello Emily,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

MaryEllen

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Em - it is never easy being transgender, and it seems you have a lot going on already. I do hope you stay with us and let us work it out with you. We all here have issues with gender. There are many here like you appear to be - a transgender person wanting to be a woman. I am also one of those people and have in fact been able to fully transition up to getting my SRS which is in the works. It is horribly difficult to be like we are, especially when we are almost destitute. So stay with us please? Perhaps we can ease your journey a bit by listening to how you are progressing and by answering any questions you may have.

Lizzy

[Guest miss kindheart]

welcome to the playground Emily

<<< hug >>>

vanna

[Guest EmilyK]

Wow, rereading that makes it sound like I live a miserable life, but that's not true. It was a struggle, but I'm on my feet right now, living on my own and going to school, courtesy of the VA. My only current problem, other than not having a lot of friends, is lack of employment. It's hard to work with my school schedule, but maybe that is a blessing in disguise if I decide to transition now. I mean, I wouldn't have to worry about problems in the workplace, and I'll be going to school for at least the next year and a half or so.

Em

[Guest Mia J]

Hello Em and welcome to Laura's. We are happy you are here.

I am glad that things are getting better for you and look forward to seeing you posts.

Mia