I Need Guidance On What I Am And What To Do

[Guest xX Alice Xx]

Okay so here's my current situation. I am an 18-year-old male and I have no idea what the hell I am. I have been, with increasing frequency, thinking about becoming more feminine and as a result have taken up some light crossdressing (panties, stockings, etc.). However I don't necessarily want to become a full-fledged woman. Even so I have become increasingly interested in aquiring certain female chracteristics such as breasts, more feminine face and body (hourglass figure) but still want to remain a fully functioning, biological male. I don't really have access to a genetic counselor since I still live with my dad and I want this to be a secret.

Any help or tips you have guys may have is greatly appreciated. If you have anything you want me to elaborate on please tell me. Thanks and I hope to stick around this forum for a good while.

[Guest kelise]

I can't say your story mirrors my own, but I have heard it many times over, so don't think you are alone or unusual in any way. My suggestion would first be further evaluation of your situation. If I were a counselor, which I am not, I would ask you to look into further details of what you've said. Let's break it down:

1. You're thuinking about becoming more feminine. What draws you to femininity? What aspects of it attracts you? Are you sexually drawn to it? Do you think by exploring fermininity yourself you are in a sense, becoming more intimate with it? Or is it the idea of expressing it to the world as yourself? Do you want the world to see you, interact with you, non-sexually, as they do other women?

2. You say you want to remain a fully-functioning biological male? Why is this? What aspects of maleness interest you? Do you enjoy using your male parts? Do you want to father children with them? Or are you afraid that surgically altering them you will no longer get any pleasure from it? If you woke up tomorrow with a fully-funtioning set of natural female reproductive organs, how would you feel?

[Carolyn Marie]

First let me welcome you to the Playground, Alice.

I think Kairi's questions are very appropriate and you should consider them. Although you stated that a therapist is not possible right now, I would certainly make it a priority in the future when it is more doable. We are pretty limited here in terms of getting to know you well enough to answer in a meaningful way, and also insofar as our own expertise.

I can tell you that obtaining breasts and other physical changes, while remaining a fully functional male, are pretty much at odss with each other. Hormone therapy undertaken long enough for most physical changes will also, in most cases, make you sterile and non-functioning with your male equipment. This is one case where you can have your cake but will never be able to eat it, too.

It is also true that one doesn't have to fully transition. There are partial transitions, there are people who go on HRT and even undergo facial hair removal, but choose never to live as a woman (or vice versa). Cross dressing, of course, is another option. Or you could become an androgyne and express both genders or neither gender. Almost anything is possible, Alice. It is a gender spectrum, and not a gender box.

When you get around to it, posting an introduction in the, what else, Introductions Forum would be nice. In the meantine, read, learn and ask questions.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie