Insecure

[Guest aquariusbob25]

Hi! I can't talk to anyone in my personal life about this, so I'm glad I can talk here! Recently I've been having fantasies about dressing up in woman's clothes, especially lingerie, boots and dresses. These fantasies are sexually arousing, but also make me feel very guilty. I am not interested in cross dressing full-time and see it more as a sexual fetish. I am a very insecure person and doubt whether I am doing the right thing were I to indulge in this fetish. Especially after reading this article:

http://jenellerose.com/htmlpostings/darksi...lingtheUrge.htm

The last thing I need right now is more self-loathing or insecurity. On the other hand, the urge to dress in woman's clothes is there and maybe it will enrich my (currently unsatisfying) sex life. I am unsure how to proceed. Can anyone give me some advice?

Thanks in advance!

AquariusBob25

[Guest Keiichi-kun]

I think that if the urge to CD is there then do it! There is nothing wrong with dressing in the opposite sex's clothes if it makes you feel good. Even if it is a sexual fetish there is nothing wrong with that. If you are worried about perhaps you could find a therapist to talk to. Maybe seeing a therapist can help you get rid of some of the insecurities you have

[MaryEllen]

Hello aquariusbob,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. We're glad you found us. I read the article in the link that you posted and I was totally flabergasted. That article has got to be the biggest crock of B S that I have ever read. If you didn't have a guilt complex before you read that, you'd sure have one after.

First of all, you have nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. This is not something you just decided to do when you reached puberty. This was hardwired into your brain before you were even born. This is a proven medical fact. It is estimated that one in ten men crossdress to some degree or other. So don't feel that you are alone in that respect.

Lose those feelings of guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty about. I would not consider crossdressing a fetish. For a crossdresser it is a very natural thing to do. Genetic women crossdress in men's clothing constantly and no one gives it a second thought. It is only an unlightened society that makes it taboo for men to dress in women's clothing. Many consider crossdressing a blessing in that they can have the best of both worlds. Being both male and female.

It's true that the general public will condemn crossdressing as being perverted but the fact is that John Q. Public has his own skeletons in his closet that he is hiding. We all have something to hide.

To sum up, Bob, crossdress all that you want and do not feel even one second of guilt about it. It's your life and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty because of what others may think.

If this continues to bother you, I would suggest counseling with a gender therapist. He/she could help you deal with your doubts and fears. Good luck and happy crossdressing.

MaryEllen

[Guest Evan_J]

Wow. That person really took a lot of time to project their own fears about their crossdressing on someone else didn't they?

Unfortunately I think you'll find that most of the people who jump up and down about crossdressers, trans people and gays and lesbians have at least one (maybe more?) common denominator; a lot of what they fear involves the likelihood of them doing X Y or Z. They don't want it to "rub off" they don't want to be "influenced" , "recruited", "made gay", "tricked into crossdressing", "adopt that lifestyle/views" just like you really can turn them into whatever you like. It stems from (I honestly think) the knowledge that they do have some interest or curiosity most of the time and are so guilty and ashamed of just that- mere curiouslity that likey could be satisfied in a conversation- that they demonize the entire populus it applies to out of their own fear.

Ignore the article. Talk to real crossdressers with a balanced existance if you "want to know what its like".

[Guest Krystyna_Marie]

I am a professional during the day, a (generally!) happily married, straight man for 16 years, a secret cross-dresser for about 25 years now, and I want to say that you should not feel shame that you have these feelings. Only you can decide whether, and how to act on these feelings that you want to dress in women's clothing, or even to go out dressed as, and trying to pass as a woman. It can be a little frightening, but exhilarating too. Sexual excitement and thrill is an aspect of my dressing, but only one component of my crossdressing; It feels very VERY natural to me, and I just get a sense of happiness and calm when I'm dressed. It may be a little narcissistic, but again, no cause for shame there - learning to love (and not to loathe) one's self is about the only way I know that we can understand and experience love for and with others.

That being said, I am careful about where I go dressed, and I have not come out to my wife yet - not out of a sense of shame, however, but because I do have some fear that she (and others) will not be as understanding of my feelings about gender, and about exploring my feminine side as I would love her to be. But that's a side of our relationship we're struggling with anyway, unrelated to my CDing. From your words on the page, it sounds like you may have some concerns (and some anticipated shame) about being "found out", and therefore, you should probably be cautious in line with your instincts. A therapist familiar with gender identification issues could help you sort some of this out, and at least help you understand what CDing means and what it should mean to you.

I wish you the best, it's a journey and your life, AqBob - don't let anyone tell you how to live it.

Kisses, K_M

[Guest CDSara]

i didnt even manage to get half way through that load of crap in that article.

what that person fails to mention is that we are all FREE people and shouldn't have to stick to these rules of the "social dress code" because that would in effect be taking part of our freedom and rights as humans to do what we want away.

theres is no shame in cross dressing, if people dont like it then that's their problem not yours, you are who you are so be true to yourself.

[Guest aquariusbob25]

Thanks for the all responses! It means a lot to me!

I am currently in group therapy and a few days ago I told the group and one of my therapists I've been having these fantasies! It was difficult to say, but I felt quite relieved after having done so! I'm not sure yet how to proceed, it feels like I'd cross a line I shouldn't cross if I if I did cross dress, on the other hand I'm beginning to think it's really nothing to be ashamed of (I've been surfing the internet for more info on the subject and the more info I find the more it feel okay to have these fantasies and to act them out!). I'm quite an insecure person and tend to depend on other peoples opinions, which is partly why I'm in therapy.

Kind regards,

Bob