Do You Hide Your Cross Dressing?

[Guest dessiree2b]

Do you hide your cross dressing? If you are married, would you tell your wife? If you hide your cross dressing from your wife, how do you hide it? I use to cross dress before I got married. I stopped and now I am getting the urges again. My wife is a post op girl and want to be with a masculine male. She knows I use to cross dres, but gave that up. She would be ok with my cross dressing and even being gay. She would just divorce me, but we would be friends. I don't want her to leave. So I have hidden my latest cross dressing urges. I just can't hide my things in the house.

Dessiree2b

[Guest Evan_J]

This sounds like a very difficult situation. I always think if two people are in love the first thing that needs to happen is talk.

[Guest chibi_usa]

O_o ummmmm ya... Tell her and work it out? That's what I did... But I dunno I'm just a teenager so it might just be differ. But she still accepted me after I told her.

[Guest Kelly Ann]

Imagine that someone you love, or really admire, from the bottom of your soul...suddenly veers hard to one direction or another. You have little...or no warning...the surprise is complete. What you thought is suddenly turned topsy turvy and you are in a maelstrom of confusion. How would you react? I think that the tenderness/understanding/unrequited love that one human being feels for another must come from within...no matter the assignment phyiscally or mentally..it is the proof of commitment to love and friendship. I recently came 'out' to a very good friend and he has been struggling with it but has accepted ME for who I am and what I am capable of. Namely an informed, intelligent, caring person he's known for about 20 years. Nothing else changed except my openess...and I feel so much better.

This isn't to say that you should play 'Joe Palooka Punching Bag' and constantly take it on the chin...rather it is up to us to be aware and take measures to negate the need to protect ourselves and still remain open and willing to let the feeling of love and acceptance enter our lives...HEY if you don't want me around, like a cooool breeze...I'm GONE.

A lot of what is rained down upon a person is the search for approval and acceptance. Ghandi met with...ahem...a BIT of resistance. It didn't stop his beliefs nor did it diminish his desire for a better way for the people of his country. Look where India is now! I'll rest that case (-;

So do I hide <gulp> yes...some...and it sorta shames me. The funny thing is my Mom's gone...and how I miss her. She was soooo unbelieveably cool and loving, Dad's alive and and my BF, and, although he's never actually seen me 'dressed' he has, with the ladies at the pool, noticed my legs and bikini lines are clean with the...ahem...'swimsuit' I usually wear...I was an F.B.I. fanatic when I was younger and was too surprised to hear J. Edgar H. was something of an afficinado...and Pop's gets a kick out of that too..."nothing wrong with liking ladies finery." There are several stories of younger years that I can remember and heck this was the 50's-early 60's where I was in a somewhat erm...uncompromisin position. I was asked if I wanted to be Errol Flynn on one such occasion...oh my. My sister is extreemly supportive as well and loves me for who I am regardless of some concept that society feels, she is my rock and I her's...family does matter, keep them close always unless the harm is greater than the good.

I love my life and always have...dress as your comfortable and that is the key. I've always had a somewhat effimate look no matter how rugged the job and managed...my co-workers took it in stride because I was able to hold my end up, so it's up to one's self where one wishes to go...I just go a wee bit less in public generally to keep out of tussles...but it's still there...and obvious if you care to notice. Now what occurs later at night might be another matter ;-).

I'm not some elfin little person...rather tall at 6' and a widely fluctuating weight of 180 or below...but comfortable with who I am and the manner that I seem to be growing as the years tick by. BTW, this is extreemly important...you have to grow...think about it...birthdays whether natal or soulful ARE the best thing that have EVER happened to you...the alternative really is not acceptable.

Live happy and content...not everyone has a chance at as much happiness as you MIGHT experience if you don't worry about others thoughts of whom you are. You are a unique individual...like NO other...and as precious as anything that has ever been visited upon this planet. Just be safe and sane and take care of yourself.

SOOooooOOOooOOO...one last thought...without laughter and fun my life would have been futile...it makes the world go 'round...make YOUR world go 'round and smile...darn if it isn't contagious. Smiling now, Kelly Ann

[Guest Donna Jean]

Kelly Ann .......

Gee...what an upbeat and really wonderful letter! Nicely put! You had me smiling all the way through and it really lightened my day...Thanks, dear

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Kelly Ann]

Thank-you...after all one can only be what one is. What's funny is that I've never felt any shame...have always had many friends...and by no stretch have I ever been, even when married years ago, 'easy'/looking,ect ect. Just me and it's seemed to work for everybody. This IS a wonderful place...if only years ago the internet had existed....but I am still young and loving of life. The adventure hasn't even begun (-; OO Kelly Ann

[Guest Donna Jean]

What a incredibly cool attitude.........you keep that up now, ya hear?

Donna Jean

[Guest mia 1]

Life is a circus ride. We are all in this together and in some way we will all be better people for it. There are no normal" people except the ones that we fantasize in our minds. Tell your lovely wife that you want to be close in a sensual way and that these clothes make you a stronger better lover. She will either say let's fall in live or:" No,I need you to be the person that "I" fantasize about." In that case say OK thisi s fine, but next time lets do it my way.

Sounds fair enough. Sounds rational, but lets face it emotions aren't rational. But It's worth a try.

[Sally]

You said that your wife is a 'post op' girl? I don't understand why she would be so harsh about your need to crossdress. You didn't indicate that you wanted to be female - just crossdressing would make you happy. I think that I would be more than happy to find someone that I loved and loved me to let them dress however they wanted to. It would make more sense to me if you were talling her that you wanted to have the surgery - then you couldn't 'perform' as male. I would hope that you could talk to her and ask her if she remembered how it felt to deny her gender issues, maybe you could reach a compromise as to when, where and how much to crossdress. You don't have to dress female all of the time so let her have some say about when. Like on Valentine's Day, I know that you would love to wear a beautiful dress and all of the appropriate jewelry - but maybe wear a suit (yes even men's socks and underwear) for that evening and negotiate for a couple of other less romantic occasions to dress. Life is full of compromises - but you both need to talk and agree. I tried to give up myself to keep my wife - she's gone and I've been set back nearly a year on transitioning while I played around trying to get her to understand - I'm 57 and a full year is prescious to me at this stage of life. You can't always give in, be flexible but she has to meet you half way or it just won't be worth it!

Sally

[Guest Rhonda-tx]

Yes I have to hide my crossing dressing from my wife. She does not know and would not understand. It is very difficult. I use to keep my things stored at a wonderful little boutique here in Houston where the owner was very helpful and encouraging for the TG/TS/CD community. Unfortunately she has recently shut down her business, so now I am looking for a new place to store my things.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Well - as a life-long CD (I thought) I hid-hid-hid. I had a reason - I have have been married a lot - the one person I confided in almost spit in my face when I told her about my cross dressing - later divorced me - so that didn't give me much encouragement (understatement). My sweet wife today - heck - she caught me at it (really need to get thet door lock fixed - grin).

She and I worked out I would seek a therapist - well, to her dismay and my surprise - I am really transsexual. (Really wasted a lot of money buying and purging all those years - ha).

I say her dismay because it has turned our relationship on its side - and we are working through it. We are older and ther is a good chance we will make it. I am past my prime so transitioning - losing sexual prowess - is a moot point. Still, it is a shock to my wife to find out that I have more to me than what is apparent. And two women in the same house???

But hiding? My current SO is deeply upset I hid the cross dressing. I have only the excuse that when I told a person I trusted she kicked me in the teeth, that I just couldn't take that chance ever again - well, she still calls it betrayal - so remember, you will never be completely forgiven if you hide your CD.

What does that mean - dunno - would I do it the same again? (actually, to be honest, if I could relive my life I woulda transitioned at 18!) Yes, probably would hide it. Its a rare woman who understands our need to touch the feminine part of our being. I just found out I was more - I was trying to meld mine, body and soul - now try to explain that one... Cross dressing? My wife says it might be better than transitioning. Well... I don't know how to answer that...

In any case - she says my clothes are ugly! I told her she was just jealous - ha. We decided to toss out the clothing and stuff from my CD stash (bad energy) - and buy new and better things together. Now think about what that means to me... wow

Strange world we live in - us gender dysphoric...

[Guest Guest_]

I like Rhonda have to hide my cross dressing. I lost my first wife because of it. I know that the second would not like it either. On several occassions I have done little things like put on one of her rings or made a comment about me wearing a bra I have some pretty good moobs, and the looks Ive gotten are more than enough of a Red Flag that tells me there is no way she would except me as a cross dresser. For me my clothes as well as me are tucked away in a downstairs closest and that is where they and I stay until we have an oppurtunity to come out and be Amber L.

[Guest litzy]

I´ve hid my CD too, currently hiding it. its a tough situation, i dont know how my wife would take it but im not ready to tell her just yet, what ive been doing recently is this, ive been working on a "project" in which i want to know how many people i could make think im really a female and i ask my wife for help, i told her "i have this project, and i would like your help, please help me with make up, we could buy a wig and you can take me some pics, lend me some of your clothes, i want to be your personal doll today, you can dress me anyway you want" let me tell you it wasnt easy for me, i did not know how she would react to my petition or what she may think, she did help me and we had a great time together she was excited about seeing me in her clothes and taking some pics, that way i can fulfill the urge to CD, you can always ask her to practice make up techniques on you.

on th clothing issue, what i usually do is buy her new clothing and tell her to discard the old items on her wardrope, put it on a bag or a suitcase for donation or selling(and that is never going to happen)and you can keep those clothes for your personal use. this is just a short term solution.

i hope some of the words ive written can help you, and there are alot of ideas and games you can try, but if you want to do it alone there is always the option of talking to her and taking some days apart even if its for a while, you could tell her you need some personal space to think about your life and that you love her alot, or tell her to go visit her friends or family, there are infinite options.

im sorry if my english is not perfect but i hope you understand.

[Guest ~Phoebe~]

I am not married, when I was married I dressed in my wife's dresses and panties and bra only a few times while she was at work and the kids were asleep. No I didn't tell her and she never found out. Now I am divorced, single and live alone so no need to hide my crossdressing. I live in a senior facility with about 200 residents. I dress openly and never have had negative remarks made to me while dressed. Also the building is non discriminating. Also there is a "transgender" law in Minnesota that states that I am allowed to appear female if I wish.

[Guest kimberly c]

Hi , I told my wife about my crossdressing right after we got married. It took her a while to get used to it, I started by just

wearing her panties, then I bought my own panties and started underdressing everyday. Now I dress in all types

of womans clothes anytime I want. I also dress in lingerie during sex. No problems its best to be open your desires.

Love Kim

[Guest savannacd]

I have always hid my crossdressing. My wife would never understand and would be constantly trying to analyze why I would want to do it. In my situation it is just the thing to do. I do have one female friend who knows and is supportive, thank god for her, someone very real to talk about it with.

[Guest leopron]

I also told my wife right after getting married, for many years it was great, then my son was born, and it all got hidden in the closet. That included me. My wife has not really been supportive now after my son has grown up, but she knows I do still cd she just doesn't want to see it, but also says I should do whatever makes me happy. Therefore I dress when I am not around her if she catches me she is fine with it she just thinks it kind of funny but my son still doesn't know none of my friends know nor ay of my immediate family. So yes I hide it from many people. Just not my wife but still do not display it to her either.

Leopron

[Guest Eve Caillard]

I came straight out to my wife. But my history is unusual in that I crashed into cross dressing at the age of 53 in 2012 (as many of you have been bored by my tale). Last year we had our 30 wedding anniversary and then I had to tell her what was going on, as I was acquiring stuff. It was all a big shock for me but based on people's stories and advice on this and other sites, I felt I had to be open from the start. She took it very well, with some humour but then we've always had a great relationship. She does not want to see me dressed, nor participate. But she's happy for me to have my clothes and we joke about it and I am very happy we have that. It's good for me. It works and we are happy. And I'll say this, there is no way on this earth I could have kept it secret from her. The stress would be unbearable.

Good luck!

[Guest Wendae]

From family and neighbors. Wife , no! And I do get out and about every so often.

[Guest Guest_]

Eve: You are one lucky lady. Take care of that women of yours treat her as treasure. I was with my wife in the lingrie department of a local store and she was in the process of purchasing some new panties. Before we checked out she decided she needed to use to restroom and seeeing how she could not take the panties in with her she had me hold them. How I loved the feel in my hands. When she returned I made a comment about how good they felt. When we got home she tried them on and commented about how good they felt. I again stated that they did feel good. She turned and looked at me and asked me if I wanted to try them on. I thought this it! I then asked her what if I liked it and her reply was that I would be pervert. I was very disappointed. I was thinking this could be the opening I ve been waiting for but instead I shut myself down realizing if I had went on disaster was just around the corner. As I said earlier treasure your wonderful wife she is a very special women, Amber L.

I came straight out to my wife. But my history is unusual in that I crashed into cross dressing at the age of 53 in 2012 (as many of you have been bored by my tale). Last year we had our 30 wedding anniversary and then I had to tell her what was going on, as I was acquiring stuff. It was all a big shock for me but based on people's stories and advice on this and other sites, I felt I had to be open from the start. She took it very well, with some humour but then we've always had a great relationship. She does not want to see me dressed, nor participate. But she's happy for me to have my clothes and we joke about it and I am very happy we have that. It's good for me. It works and we are happy. And I'll say this, there is no way on this earth I could have kept it secret from her. The stress would be unbearable.

Good luck!

[Guest kimberly c]

Hi Amber, I think you had the perfect opening to let your wife know. I would have put those panties on and let your feelings be known. At the very least

the conversation would be on the table about your desire to crossdress. Ithink she already knows.

Love Kim

[Guest Guest_]

Thanks Kim: Yes I realized as soon as said "What if I liked it" I had blown it. This is me not knowing a truer opening. Believe me next time if it ever comes up again I am going for it. As far as her knowing already I dont really believe she does. I feel if she did there would'nt be an SO . Thanks for the input. Love Amber L.

Hi Amber, I think you had the perfect opening to let your wife know. I would have put those panties on and let your feelings be known. At the very least

the conversation would be on the table about your desire to crossdress. Ithink she already knows.

Love Kim

[Guest Eve Caillard]

Thanks Amber for your comment. Yep - she's precious! I am amazed she is so understanding. She does not want to see or experience me as anything but a man, yet she tolerates the 'other side' so long as it remains away from her. We do joke and have a laugh about it, which feels good. And she doesn't mind me wearing a bangle / bracelet and under-dressing. I usually underdress all the time, and wear some light calf boots under my jeans around the home - they're more cosy than my male slippers. The kids don't seem to bother. They don't know (At least I hope they don't but I think our 17-year old daughter has a suspicion).

So thanks!

xx Eve

[Guest Jamie_cd]

I've never dressed in front of my wife but she's knows. We even went out to the mall near us and got a pair jeans and panties. Keeping a secret like that would hard and luckily for me my wife is supportive and understanding!

[Guest Kendra K]

Yes. No one has seen me dressing. My wife knows that I have TG feelings, but doesn't have a clue how bad they are. My friend knows more about my feelings, but hasn't seen me dressed; at one point she said we should go to a drag bar, but that didn't happen and sadly she's moved away.

At this point I'm terrified of dressing anywhere that isn't by myself (exception, trying once in a while male-dressing rooms)