more pointless ramblings

[Guest Stacy Wilderness]

I'm going to band practice in a bit,

I told the lead singer of the group

(of middle aged, married professional

white guys who play music for fun)

that I can get the band on stage at Pride

here in Minneapolis, so he emails back and

says he'd do it -bring it up with the group tonight,

It woud have been nice if I'd actually came out

as gay and trans at some point before tonight,

so this should be interesting, and of course

playing Pride on stage with my group would be

an amazing thing, but I'll be cool with whatever

they decide, and I'll be out with them in the process

and that's way over due, but going out Thursday nights

to a guys garage and playing the blues has been

a way to get away from some of the whole stress of

going around dressed as a woman at times

(I've been going out about 20-40 hours a week since October

when I first dressed up and went out in public)

I went to Pride last year for the first time and walked

around worried that someone might see me and think

I was gay or something, so I really wanted to play at

Pride in drag, only now I'm thinking playing in drag

really isn't that important - I mean I'm asking a lot from

these guys, standing up there with me, and it's idiotic

not to come out to them that I am trans, and that the

person who runs the stage has never even seen me

as a guy and that that I want to play at Pride because

it is part of my coming out experience, but actually

wearing the dress on stage really isn't that important,

I don't think I'm going to push for that -I'm just going

to tell them about some stuff and see if they want to play

the gig with me.

[VickySGV]

Best of luck to you hun!! Sounds like it could be a lot of fun. Its a great way to come out, after all, our life is just a tad over into the blues side of things.

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

Good luck Stacy, I hope it goes well coming out to your band and that you do get to play at pride. It would be an awesome experience!

Gabe

[Guest Stacy Wilderness]

well so far so good, they're interested in playing Pride,

I didn't actually come out, officially but I talked about the details

of the gig, and it sounds like we're going to play it -

(as long as there are no scheduling conflicts)

OK I'm a chicken -I'm keep working at officially

coming out, but really, it's one of those "they have to

know or at least suspect at this point"

[Guest Jal Marie]

Hi Stacy,

There is nothing in your post that is pointless rambling. Playing your music is a wonderful way of dealing with the stresses that we face each day and I believe very strongly that we need to do things that we enjoy to escape stress. Each individual needs to work on their own time frame that is best for them when coming out as you know there are many things to consider. The one thing that is true for all of us is that being trans is living an interesting life. Don't feel like a chicken or even think along those lines because that will only increase anxiety and stress. It is not easy coming out, I believe having a plan but being watchful at the same time so that you don't put yourself in a situation that could turn out to be a disaster. But no matter the situation when coming out we need to be well prepared in our minds and ready to accept the out come.

This may not be for every one to do but when I came out to certain people who for whatever reason it seemed really hard to come out to I would actually set myself up so that I had to come out. Actually that is how I came out to my wife. For you it could be lets say on a day you go to band practice and before you get started tell your fellow band members that after practice you wish to talk to them about an issue that is very important to you.

I hope everything works out really well and playing at Pride would be so much fun. Remember rambling to us sometimes is not really rambling but seeking answers and relieving stress. Have a wonderful day.

[Guest ZoeG360]

Hi Stacy

I know how important your music is to you and playing Pride in June would be totally awesome. If you are really set on playing Pride as Stacy, then coming out to your group and practicing as Stacy before hand would probably be a good idea so that the performance isn't thrown off.

One thing I have learned in my own experiences and from my friends here at LP is that its nearly impossible to predict how people react to coming out. Is all over the map. But there are two things you can count on: 1) Fear is the biggest problem and its usually misplaced. 2) You feel better after having done it regardless of the outcome.

Pride is about being proud of who you are and in the Twin Cites Pride Festival, trans people have always been under-represented. So from that viewpoint you would really be making a statement about yourself and the direction you are going.

On the other hand, you need to consider the group. You all are good because you have a good vibe going. I don;t know these other people but I do know you are a great harmonica player and I am sure that's what really counts to them. Instead of the dress, perhaps a pair of jeans and some of those great boots you have might ease them into it so the vibe stays hot.

Besides, if you don't play as Stacy, How will I know its you? :>))

Zoe

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

It's ok if you're not ready to come out yet. Maybe performing at pride will help you to feel more confident when you see how your band mates act around LGBT people there. I'm glad the band agreed to do it.

Gabe

[Guest Stacy Wilderness]

Hi Zoe!

there's still time, and I cleared the first hurdle, so maybe I was just being practical

and focusing on first things first -step 1 get the gig, step 2 get the band to be interested

in playing the gig at Pride step 3 tell the band that I want to play the gig in drag

(bawk! bawk! bawk! bawk!)

[Guest ZoeG360]

Step 4, clean lipstick off your harmonica!!