Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Everyday is a struggle


Guest poeticallyhuman

Recommended Posts

Guest poeticallyhuman

Hey, I'm new to Laura's and I figured I'd start here because I'm probably going to wind up here quite a bit. I was raised by drug addicts and as result, started doing drugs at a young age. My DOC is heroin, but I've done almost everything. Thankfully, I've been clean from heroin for two years, but still dabble in other things like MDMA, ketamine, hallucinogens, prescriptions. I find it impossible to be completely clean for any period of time. The longest I've gone without anything since I was 10 years old was a year. I'm 21. I drink quite a bit as well. I wish I could be clean. I have an older friend who's a recovering alcoholic who wants to take me too NA/AA, but it seems like a daunting step. I've been to a couple meetings to keep my friend company, but I really don't think its for me. I suffer from horrible anxiety which makes the meetings emotionally hard, as if they weren't hard enough already. But I'm tired of this being my life as it has been for years. I can do good for a while, then the cravings start and its like I'm not even in control anymore. I'm not sure where to go from here and any insights you have would be great.

Charles ******n

Link to comment

Hi Charles, welcome to Laura's...

Sounds like you have the classic problem: Although you don't say why you want to stop, I'm guessing that things happen when you're using that you'd rather not have happen... On the other hand, when you stop, things get worse on the inside instead of better...

For me, the pain of staying the same had to get worse than the pain of changing. The "craving" you refer to was kinda like having a coiled spring in my solar plexus that would wind tighter and tighter, and I knew all I had to do was get in the car and drive to the liquor store and, magically, the craving would go away... Life was perfect after 2 1/2 drinks... Of course, the problem was it never stopped at two or three...

The anxiety you describe is common for newcomers. People don't show up at an AA meeting because life is wonderful, lol!

Yet, those that are convinced they are true addicts or alcoholics can begin a new way of life they can't even concieve of. The problem for alcoholics and addicts is that the booze or dope isn't the real problem... If it was, you could put down the substance and the problem would disappear. For the true addict or alcoholic the opposite occurs; that is, the problem gets worse. You see, for a true alcoholic, booze was the answer long before it became the problem. When the "crutch" no longer works, we are faced with living life in all its glory and pathos, without chemical aids. That is were the 12 steps of recovery come in, learning to live Life on Life's Terms, aaaand, to do it with some joy and happiness....

Every Sunday night a few of us show up at 9pm EST in the substance abuse chat room and discuss living a quality life in Sobriety and also catch up on how our trans issues are interwoven into it. Your welcome to join us if you like. No anxiety needed. It is chatroom stuff, no video, no audio. You would probably want to stop in earlier and get registered. It is a safe place like here and all new members have a brief interview to insure they're intentions are honorable.

Best Wishes

Michelle

Link to comment
Guest rita63

Welcome Charles Hope you can make it to the meeting Sun. Michelle is our gentle mistress of ceremonies. We try to find ways to help each other to be sober but also come as our real selves with trans issues. I am still fairly new at it myself and its a frightening and fufiling process. My life is getting better, one day at a time.

hugs rita

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Charles,

Great name but i've been giving it up. i'm on an overnight trip from home and just went to the first of 3 AA meetings i'll go to in this strange town. Got phone #'s and welcomes as well as peace at the first. Looking forward to the others. 5 years ago i would be wasted by now! really wasted but working on enough to pass out. That used to be how i went to "sleep". It's now life beyond my wildest dreams. I'm having fun sober and clean..... Used to think i was having fun but i knew in my heart that it was because i couldn't quit. AA has worked for me and countless others and will work for you if you want it and work it. Hope to see you here on Sunday. Found this group a few months ago and love it.

Hugs and welcome, Charlie (once chuck or charles)

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 185 Guests (See full list)

    • KatieSC
    • Abigail Genevieve
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.7k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,033
    • Most Online
      8,356

    ArtavikenGenderflui
    Newest Member
    ArtavikenGenderflui
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. afraid of self
      afraid of self
    2. Chaidoesart
      Chaidoesart
      (14 years old)
    3. Faith57
      Faith57
    4. Joyce Ann
      Joyce Ann
      (70 years old)
    5. Kelly21121
      Kelly21121
      (56 years old)
  • Posts

    • KatieSC
      Protections? Well, when they mandate that some who is transgender can get facial and genital electrolysis paid as it is essential to affirming care, or when they mandate and pay for facial feminization surgery, speech therapy/voice affirmation surgery, I will believe that the order is effective. One of biggest hurdles for many transgender individuals is the cost of care. I remember when my one insurance company tried to say that my speech therapy and voice surgery were "cosmetic". I remember when they blocked paying for my facial surgery. I remember the fight I had to get electrolysis. These procedures could save someone's life if the procedures help the individual successfully transition, and are no longer misgendered. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I don't think it should be.  Nor do I see Project 2025 as pushing Christian nationalism.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The agencies are supposed to work for him.  The problem, as conservatives found out in Trump 1, was they will ignore the president and do their own thing.  The agencies are supposed to be under his control.   Congress delegated some of its law making authority to the agencies, which is another problem.   The bloated federal government needs to be trimmed.  Dept Education is worthless - test scores have dropped since it was instituted in the Carter administration consistently, and it is currently implementing Biden's woke agenda more than doing anything else.
    • FinnyFinsterHH
      I hope to eventually wear a suit for dance but don't know what exactly to look for. I feel like jumpsuit is safe option but I have been interested in wearing button up and formal pants. Is there a certain brand i should look for or sites I should look at for tips? My mom is not exactly keen on me wearing too masc clothing like suits just yet but is okay with jumpsuits. Also is there hair styling tips availible, my hair looks like image below. I might be able to get shorter haircut like pixie but am not sure yet.  
    • MaeBe
      It’s never been about him, but he is the Presidential nominee for the Presidency that starts in…2025. I don’t see a lot of conflation that this is a “Trump doctrine”, it a doctrine that benefits him surely, but it is a plan to instill crony governance and enact very Christian conservative (if not purely Christian nationalist) “order” on the country. If you don’t see this as the Right doubling down on Big G government, I don’t know what to tell them. Getting rid of agencies and giving the authority directly to the Executive isn’t shrinking government. It’s consolidation power. 
    • MaeBe
      It is the made up ideology they believe trans people are pushing on the world, those “poor young girls who are being coerced into believing they are men” and the “perverts who put on dresses and think they’re girls”. The anti-LGBTQ+ movement came up with the term. Being trans = you believe in trans ideology/transgenderism, supporting trans people = the same.   In the end anyone that acts on or thinks gender is anything but what is in your pants is a “transgenderist”, why not make it a word if it’s not, there is no real grey area. Unless you acknowledge there is transgenderism, but use your knowledge to “correct it”.  So I guess there could be transgenderist conversion “therapists”.  Face it, we deface the America they want. Land of the Free and Home of the Brave? I think being out and queer is pretty brave. And freedom shouldn’t just be for those who push a narrow “Christian ideology” as the “true” governing model.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Over here muttering about "a new Jim Crow against a persecuted minority."    
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Rants are not a problem.  My favorite hobby! :)   What's out there is bad enough that I wonder why some people feel they need to embellish it.  Be alert.   Some of this will need to be fought in court if they try to implement it. If people are out to get me, paranoia is justified.  And this may not be the only document.   Abby
    • Ivy
      Not in so many words, therefore it's not there at all.  Excuse my paranoia. And the states passing laws against us are nothing to worry about either. Having to change my gender back to male (like in Florida) is reasonable.  I should just accept it, I mean I was born with a dk.  So that "F" is lie, and a fraud.  My delusions need to be dealt with for my own good.   I'm just frustrated these days.  Just a bit of a rant.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You probably remember the Target PR fiasco.  I remember reading an account from a woman who shopped there.  She went into a stall and did her business, and someone came into the bathroom and began swinging stall doors open, and when she came to her stall, the woman peeked at her through the crack. "What are you doing?" "Checking for perverts." The writer was so stunned by the absurdity that she finished up ASAP and got out of there, while the other woman entered a stall and locked it, made sure it was locked, and locked it again. 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Been a good day.Cleaned my closet of clothes that I do not wear anymore and do not fit me.It looks better now.Came down to my newest property beside mine,owner passed and I inherited it.There was a double wide there that was removed,it was in bad shape.It is the shop part I am keeping which I got the tools,shop equipment,benches,hoists and shelving too.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Nothing about eradicating TG folk. 
    • Ivy
      If 9 out of 10 parts are ok, that doesn't mean I need to accept the bad parts (that are aimed directly at me).  That seems suicidal.
    • Ivy
      True, most of it has nothing to do directly with us.  It's the parts that do that are the problem.   I see the  few problematic statements as being a big problem.  Just because a lot of it may be okay, doesn't change that. Even supposing the rest of it might be good for the country, it doesn't help me if I'm being "eradicated".  I suppose I should be good with that, because it's for the "greater good".  If me being gone would please a number of people, then it's my civic duty to disappear, and vote to implement that.
    • Ivy
      Yeah.  There are already laws against assault.  I don't think the overwhelming majority of trans women have any desire to harass cis women.  Speaking for myself, if I go into a women's washroom, it's because my eyeballs are already floating - not for kicks.  And I worry about getting clocked and assaulted by some guy being a "hero."
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...