:(

[Guest BreanneB]

That smiley says it all. My ex gave me two days to get out. Told me she hates me. And now once I move she told me that I am to have no contact with her 2 daughters that I helped raise. Just stab the dagger in a little farther. I am constantly told that I dont deserve to be a father by her. That I am brain washing her girls. How I would like to know. Is this because I dont run off to the liquir store or not come home for days at a time? Then told that I should just go wack off my penis and become the woman I am acting like because I show emotions. Then finding out that the weekend of my birthday you had sex with someone else. Yet I dont have the right to be upset. Now with my sons birthday coming up with no money, no home, and very little dignity left you ruin that for the second year in a row.

All I wanted was someone to help me and understand. From day one 4 years ago when I came out. You have thrown me out of our house 4 times now. I stood by your side threw cancer, three surgeries to remove it all. Bailed you out on more than one occasion. When your car didnt work I loaned you mine even when we were split. You had an affair and even moved in with a guy while we were married. I took you back even gave up a job to be back home with my family. Took all the kids on vacation and you were seeing Josh behind my back again. And in all this all I ever wanted was your help when I struggled. Not once did you offer me help. The night I tried to kill myself I wish you would have let me die. Then when I came home you didnt even want me here. You had already moved on in a week. Then you bring your new boyfriend around the kids. Yell at me because I have my nails painted. Yet you sit in your room night after night getting high or drunk. Yet I am the (bad person).

I never asked to be TG. Somedays i wish it would just go away. Other days i embrace it. Yet you cannot handle me trying to be myself at any point. You call me names, tell me I am selfish and I should just deal. At least I am trying. Not everyday is roses for me. Being TG and bipolar is like TNT at times. you try walking a mile in my shoes and tell me its all going to be ok!!!! Now you tell me you hate me right to my face and wish you never met me. Thanks no wonder there are days I wish death would visit my door. Why does this life seem to be so cruel to me? who did i (tick) off in another life to be here. Girls I am slowing losing hope here. Only thing that is keeping me going is my kids. Without them I would just end it all in a matter of seconds.

Bre

Edited May 18, 2012 by Carolyn Marie
two words substituted due to language rules

[Carolyn Marie]

((((HUGGGSSS))))

I am very sorry that things have turned ugly for you, Breanne. You and your S/O have a great many issues to deal with, and you both need counseling desperately. Your troubles are beyond what we can do for you here.

My only suggestion is to remove yourself from that environment, because fighting to stay with someone who doesn't want you there, and whose presence seems destructive to you, is not helping anything. There are times when moving on is the best answer. Just something to consider.

I think that venting with us is a good thing, because keeping those emotions bottled up or directing them at your S/O or kids would not be helpful.

I wish there was more I could do. Good luck, hon.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest AllisonJane]

I'm really sorry to hear of a bad turn like this for you (hugs). Being TS is really hard for our S/O to understand. Honestly,none of us would have chosen to be this way if there was a choice,we would have just chosen to grow up our true gender. I can identify w/you on a lot of how you feel.

I would like to say this though, I've been told by my GT(and it makes sense) that being TS is NOT something that someone can use against you successfully when trying to "ban" you from your children. That's discrimination. My mom works for children&youth services,I'll have to double check with her.

[Guest Melissa~]

Dang, Thats rough, It's Friday almost a new week. Pop back in soon with some updates.

[Guest BreanneB]

Thanks Carolyn n Allison. I am searching now to find a place. I have a couple of leeds in the works, I just have no money waiting on disablity check. And the kids are my step daughters. I was suppose to adopt them but could never get to it once I came out as TG. I so agree. If I wouldh ave just been born Female none of this would be happening.

Bre

[Guest rikkicd64]

Bre, I am sorry your going through this, but your partner seems to be just using you, please distance yourself from her as she seems to have a history of abusing you. You have to get yourself to safety. I have been in three of these type relationships and know these people don't love us! Keep us posted and know that you have friends here.

Rikki...

[VickySGV]

Colorado has a couple of GLBT centers with access to legal counsel. Even step parents who have had a lasting or meaningful relationship may have rights of visitation with the children. After you get your new place, see one of them, or check with your divorce attorney, and by all sakes get one if you don't have one.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Bre, I am sorry your going through this, but your partner seems to be just using you, please distance yourself from her as she seems to have a history of abusing you. You have to get yourself to safety.

Baby, I have to agree here...this is important....get away from the fire so you can work on treating the burns.....

G'luck

Dee Jay

[Guest otter-girl]

Breanne, this is a harsh turn of events. I very much wish you the best possible outcome. You deserve better than this. Focus on your needs. It's time to go the distance now and move forward. This person is not good for you. Do not give them any more of your power. Focus on practical stuff that serves you.

Best wishes.

Rachel.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dearest Bre,

In many ways I have been where you are now. I am so sorry that you are hurting so. As soon as you can I would recommend that you do move out and find your own place. I will tell you that having one's own place that is not fettered by the ex and memories really does help you heal. Also you might want to consider therapy (I don't mean gender therapy per se, but someone to talk to to help you sort your feelings out without self destructing would be good for you). You deserve to move on from your marriage and divorce just as your ex does. Your children (all of them your step daughters too) are very important to you and you are important to them as well. You have the right to remain in your childrens lives after divorce. Moreover it is important that you do so. If you cannot get your ex to see this then I would secure that you will always be in their lives...it is very important. Remember, you have not done anything wrong. Try not to allow your ex to make you feel down. I know it is easier said than done, and I have through very deep depression from what my ex has said to me in the past too. Your ex does not have any real power over you unless you allow her.

I have been exactly where you are now. Believe me, the future is so much brighter than you can imagine.

Love.

Brenda

[Guest angels wings]

I'm so sorry to hear this please take some positive steps for you . You do not deserve to be treated this way . Sending u lots of (((hugs))) filled with wisdom and strength . You can do this u deserve to smile

[Guest BreanneB]

Well update. I am now homeless. Called the police on her for screaming at the girls I didnt feel they aere safe. What happens I get told I have to leave and she is putting a restarining order on me because of my mental state. That was a tearful goodbye. I miss my girls already. And I know I will not get to see them as I am not their biological father or step father so I have no rights.