What do you say to binaries?

[Guest agfrommd]

A binary notices something about the way you are presenting your gender and asks you about it.

It's in a friendly way. They're genuinely curious about what makes you tick.

What do you say to them? What words do you use to explain your gender identity?

[Guest Haileyruso]

I don't know about words, but here's a picture...

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I would say something like:

'How do you feel in the morning? I mean you don't have to think 'I feel like a girl' (if talking to a girl) Because you feel secure in what you are. But what if some mornings you think 'I feel like a guy.' And sometimes there is the double way of feeling about yourself that is so powerful. And what if sometimes you don't feel like you have any gender at all?"

Tell them it's like that.

Lizzy

[Guest Elizabeth K]

And a transsexual's response:

"It's complicated. Imagine you woke up one morning a male body (if talking to a girl) and you thought at first it was some terrible mistake? But then no one would listen. and they insisted said 'just be what you seem to be' and you felt it was wrong. But you tried as hard as you could, but you just couldn't do it. So you decided if you couldn't be the real you, you didn't want to live anymore"

It's like that.

Lizzy

[Drea]

A binary, is that some sort of creature?

To a person I would say "oh I don't know, I think it is pretty weird but it is what it is, go figure. Have a good day"

[Guest kelise]

I'd say, "0100100 1001000000110 00110110000 10110111000100 111011101000 01000000110001 0011001010110 110001101001011 001010111011 0011001 01001000000 110111001101111 001000000 110111101101 110011001 01001000000110 0101011011 000111001101100 101001000000111 01000110 10000110111 101110101011001110110100001110100001000000110111101100110001000000111010001101000011010010111001100100000011001110110000101100111"

[Guest Juniper Blue]

These are great responses . and fun ... my response is less creative but it usally goes somehtin glike this:

I was born this way and I have always been like this. I do what feels right and natural to me. For me, it is not a choice, this is who I am ... I have no desire to force myself into a little box that I can never fit into and so, I am just me and I hope that people can accept and respect that. Why do you ask??

Something like that ...

Hugs,

JB

[Guest Alder]

I just stare and shrug.... and say "I like it."

[VickySGV]

"When you look in the mirror each morning, do you see the face that you feel is a representation of your inner spirit? I did not until I nearly killed myself. "

[Guest agfrommd]

I'd say, "0100100 1001000000110 00110110000 10110111000100 111011101000 01000000110001 0011001010110 110001101001011 001010111011 0011001 01001000000 110111001101111 001000000 110111101101 110011001 01001000000110 0101011011 000111001101100 101001000000111 01000110 10000110111 101110101011001110110100001110100001000000110111101100110001000000111010001101000011010010111001100100000011001110110000101100111"

Ha.

Though you misspelled 0100100. It's actually spelled 010n01a00. The reason why so many people misspell it is that the "a" and the "n" are silent

[Guest Micha]

A binary notices something about the way you are presenting your gender and asks you about it.

It's in a friendly way. They're genuinely curious about what makes you tick.

What do you say to them? What words do you use to explain your gender identity?

Doubt anyone would suspect any sort of gender variance just by lookin at me, but for conversation we can assume otherwise.

To keep it simple, I'd tell 'em that my genitals don't define me, and that stereotypes and gender roles are absolute rubbish - I choose to live free from those restrictions. As well, being called a man makes me feel uncomfortable, not sure why. I just feel better thinking of myself as gender-variant.

Or perhaps I'd just smile and skip along my merry way.

[Guest agfrommd]

Thanks for the wonderful responses.

This topic is really important to me. Binaries have their gender to speak for them. Their breasts, razor stubble, etc. tell the world who they are so they don’t have to. Non-binaries have only our words. We have to describe because our looks do not.

I’m going to need to face this. I want to tell people why I am the way I am – why I prefer the company of women, etc. I’m seeing two possibilities:

“I’m mix-gendered. You don’t hear about it a lot, but there are people who mix both male and female into their identity. I’m one of those people.”

Or, talk about the native American tradition:

“I’m two-spirited. Some Native American lore talks about people who mix the spirits of both male and female into one soul. They were called two-spirited people. I'm one of them.”

Still not sure which one I’m going to go with. Maybe try them both out and see which tests well. Thoughts?

[Guest Micha]

Everyone's reasons are their own, so if that's what works, give it a shot. If they don't get it then oh well, you tried. In the end you could always go with "this just feels right to me."

[KieranD]

I either walk away or ask them snarkily "well, what about you, dressing all [insert gender expression here]?"

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I'd say, "0100100 1001000000110 00110110000 10110111000100 111011101000 01000000110001 0011001010110 110001101001011 001010111011 0011001 01001000000 110111001101111 001000000 110111101101 110011001 01001000000110 0101011011 000111001101100 101001000000111 01000110 10000110111 101110101011001110110100001110100001000000110111101100110001000000111010001101000011010010111001100100000011001110110000101100111"

KAIRI!

What you just SAID!

omg omg omg'

Lizzy

[Guest amanda_s]

I'd say, "0100100 1001000000110 00110110000 10110111000100 111011101000 01000000110001 0011001010110 110001101001011 001010111011 0011001 01001000000 110111001101111 001000000 110111101101 110011001 01001000000110 0101011011 000111001101100 101001000000111 01000110 10000110111 101110101011001110110100001110100001000000110111101100110001000000111010001101000011010010111001100100000011001110110000101100111"

you made my day thanks Kelise needed that have to go back to the dentist tomorrow may have an infection and reading this made me smile

Amanda

[Guest Annabelle Anders]

I explain that gende identity refers to hire the mind perceives itself. The brain is such an extremely complicated and fascinating device, do you really expect it to be only one thing or another?

[Guest aleon515]

I'd say, "0100100 1001000000110 00110110000 10110111000100 111011101000 01000000110001 0011001010110 110001101001011 001010111011 0011001 01001000000 110111001101111 001000000 110111101101 110011001 01001000000110 0101011011 000111001101100 101001000000111 01000110 10000110111 101110101011001110110100001110100001000000110111101100110001000000111010001101000011010010111001100100000011001110110000101100111"

Ha.

Though you misspelled 0100100. It's actually spelled 010n01a00. The reason why so many people misspell it is that the "a" and the "n" are silent

You know the ROTFL. Well this one was pretty danged funny.

I think these are interesting responses. Carry on.

--Jay Jay

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

Yeah, I'm a computer programmer, where "binaries" is colloquial for binary executable files. So for a fraction of a second I thought "what's this doing on this forum?"

I'd probably fumble with my words, say something along the lines of "it makes me feel more interesting" then regret it because it sounds so cheesy.

If they asked me to think about it and write them a response, and I didn't feel like getting too specific, I'd say something like:

I just have this image in my head of how I want to look and it doesn't happen to line up with traditional male or female.

[Guest Chrysee]

As to the Binary language above, I thought you were all quoting The Matrix movies!

As to the issue at hand, from my own experience, I feel it comes down to this:

"The more carefully I try to explain it, the more confused people become as they try to 'compute' the whole thing and come to some cozy conclusion. The beauty for me is that I no longer have to think about it at all. I simply put both feet on the floor each morning and run with it.

Now to be perfectly honest, I am having some confusion of late about a few things here and there, but why tell a so-called 'binary' when they don't get even the basics? And I've put my therapist on hold as I begin a rather lengthy (and painful) dental procedure that will see my remaining teeth extracted and replaced with a full set of dentures.

That's right, my smile's in the mail!

[Guest Velanna]

I would ask them "why do you identify the way you do?" In which they'll probably say "I identify this way because I was born this way." My response: "exactly."

The I would carry on.

Simple!

[Guest endthesilence]

........ I tell them the truth. If there still wanting to know more I share the joy of it and if they can swallow that part I tell them about the hard parts to. All in all as a person I sugar nothing but Ive also learned that its does not give me a licence to shock innocent people who really have no clue what it means to be TG. But lately I just stick to the facts and let the conversation evolve from there

[Guest kelise]

I would ask them "why do you identify the way you do?" In which they'll probably say "I identify this way because I was born this way." My response: "exactly."

The I would carry on.

Simple!

It's cute and would work as an internet meme, but unfortunately in the real world, it would only confuse them more. We need to focus on what's going on in their heads.

A "binary", or cis-normative person truly believes their mental gender is informed by their physical body. They think "I was born with a penis, therefore I act/feel/think like a man" or "I was born with a vagina, therefore I act/think/feel like a woman". They truly do no see the absurdity in this. So when they say they were "born this way" they mean their physical body developed as it is and no altrations/modifications have been made to it. They see us and think "That person was born with a penis, therefore, like me, felt/acted/thought like a man, then for some reason chose to alter their physical body and therefore changed the way they think/feel/act. I wonder why?" If we simply throw back at them, "I was born this way too", their response will only be a befuddled "No you weren't." Because, in their physically-based way of thinking, they're right. We've all made modifications to what nature gave us, whether it be surgery, hormones, or even simply the way we dress, that cause us to stand out from the cis-"norm". If we are to get to the heart of the problem, we need to change the perception that the way people; trans, cis or otherwise; think/act/feel is somehow based on our physical bodies. We need to point out this absurdity in a very simplistic way or they'll never understand it.

[Guest Nicodeme]

What do I say to binaries?

[Guest devida]

I think it's a real problem. Even language is gendered so the idea that I might not identify with either being a man or a woman is particularly hard for most people to grasp without falling into stereotypical thinking. It's also difficult for us to describe for the same reason. It's only been recently that I found the vocabulary to describe myself. Fifty years ago when I knew I was different from all the other boys I assumed it was because I was mixed race in an all white environment, then when I was older I decided it was because I was a deviant, a badge I wore proudly. I was delighted to discover the terms non-binary and genderqueer. So if I were asked by someone I hadn't already told, which I expect some day will be (maybe because of my age, or my looks most people are not comfortable asking questions like that), I would have to say I just don't accept that I have to feel like a man or a woman, and I don't. But I don't think they will understand. They will try to fit me into some kind of mental box they already have. They will think, as many people certainly have, that I'm gay. I don't care. I don't validate myself by what other people think of me.