Just Got Back From Nashville!!!

[Guest bobbi/robin_p]

My sponsor told me three years ago "you can go back to work now, we all know that your still mad at her and don't want to pay child support". I went back to work with a chip on my shoulder and started paying child support. I practice financial terrorism for a while because i was still mad at her and what she done to me. Because i did what i was told. I have 15 years now at work. My work just sent me to Nashville for a week.

Nashville was awesome. As soon as i got there i plug into AA. I got to a meeting right a way and let them know i was a visitor. they took care of me. Back in spring when my work sent me to Washington DC the lonelies hit me like a ton of bricks and was very uncomfortable. It did not happen in Nashville. I was able to walk the streets of Nashville without the fear of picking up a drink or feeling uncomfortable.

From the TG side of things i got to hang out with a bunch of black women which i dont always have the opportunity to do because where i live. It was awesome.

I tried to used my name Robin in Nashville but i got confused and self conscious because a couple of people i work with came with me. It was the first time the saw me out of work clothes. All they said was hmmm. I messed with them badly when they got drunk. I did manage to lose them by going to AA meeting first and then hitting the town.

I ended the weekend at an AA retreat. The Incredible Tapestry. http://www.theincredibletapestry.org/

It was awesome i got to be Robin around AA members that accepts me as Me. They were so supportive and the girls there gave me tips on my nails and everything. One girl even told me her sponsor was TS and was going to be jealous of little ole me. That got me giddy.

The biggie was i had to run home because my beautician had an opening at 3 to wax my eyebrows so i left the retreat to get it done. I'm vain my eyebrows exploded at this point and i could not stand it anymore. So while i was in the chair going OUCH!. Her little daughter started saying a story out loud. "there is an ugly guy sitting in the chair with pink nail polish getting his eye's done blah blah blah...." My beautician thought i was hurt. I had to swallow at that point because being on hormones has increased my saliva. i just smile and was amazed that i did not cringe inside. I thought it was cute myself.

Anyway when i hop out the chair i smiled at the rest of the women there because i look good as a women and the little girl was right.

Ugly guy but beautiful women emerging.

I embrace my pain with help of other's.. found a Higher Power that i can used....Started living a life instead of wishing for oblivion.

I'm Robin P. I'm an Alcoholic and this is my story in recovery living the life as a divorced, black, soon to be 40, Trans women with kids, working, getting along with the mother of my children and her boyfriend, Experiencing things as a three year old would for the first time i'm standing in the sun. It is Awesome!!! giggles

[Guest clearleeraines]

I am SO SO envious, I used to live in Nashville! franklin and murfreesboro Whoops can't remember how it is spelled. I left a few months before the flood. I really miss TN. Opryland, Cumberland river trips, Oh. All of the people are so friendly. My heart is in Tennessee. There was someone there and she . . . .Well it was . . I almost did not did not survive it. We all, if we are lucky have the one love that nearly destroys us when it ends. She was gay and saw that soul in me that we try so hard to hide. She could not give up the needle and the spoon i.e. hillbilly heroin. She taught me about myself, the things that I was not willing to accept, basically my soul was not that of a man, but a woman. It was the most intense love I have ever felt. Tennessee has a very special place in my heart, excuse me as i have to go cry for a while.

Thanx for the reminder. I need to feel it now and again, lets me know i am alive and free.

Clear