Did Your Attraction Change During Transition?

[Guest Rayne]

I've been on hormones for about two years now.

I've ONLY ever been attracted to women my entire life...I just never "got" what the big deal was about men.

Until recently.

I've been having "thoughts" about them lately.....the kind that you can't mention on a PG-13 board.

I was wondering if it's happened to anyone else here during transition.

Rayne

[Guest RainBird]

Hi Rayne, Beautiful name BTW

I have always been atracted to men, but I did try to resist it and hide it in my earlier years even by dating other girls, it is now something I'm becoming more and more comfortable with as my transition progresses

It's really difficult if you like guys but all they do is give you strange looks like you're a gay man or something, I'm kind of conservative with how I express my attraction or body language, etc, to guys.. BUT, when I am pretty confident that I have a good chance with one, well then, That's a different story all together!

[Guest Shannon Marie]

I am not sure how qualified I am to answer this question as I have only been on meds for a few years and I have not been taking them consistently but, I have relationships with both men and women although, I am partial to girls. When I started hormones I thought that might change and my attraction would shift more toward men but it hasn’t. I suppose on top of my gender issues I am also gay. Weird huh?

Anyway, nothing has changed for me but I think it would be at least a slightly different experience for everyone. A little experimentation never hurt anyone so I suggest if you are curious, that you test the waters a bit. Being with a man is a very different experience but it is still fun with the right guy. If you decide to experiment, the best advice I could give you is “be selective and take your time.” Nearly all of the men I have been with were in a big hurry which was real turn off, for me anyway. I was fortunate enough however to have a great guy for my first experience. He was patient, and gentle, and didn’t make me feel pressured in the least. Also, if you do experiment and at any point you are not comfortable with the situation, just stop there (this can be difficult with the wrong guy). You can always try again later if you want to. Or, you may discover men just aren’t for you and never try again.

Well I have babbled long enough. I guess my point is, if you are curious, experiment but be selective, take your time, and don’t be afraid to stop if the situation doesn’t feel right.

*HUGS*

Sahnnon

[Guest]

There is an old Community myth that orientation can't change. According to my high volume of emails and from personal experience though it just isn't true for everyone. This seems to be very common for about a third of us. For some MTF's it starts out subtle, suddenly noticing men's physiques which can grow stronger the longer you are on hormones. Some changed back after stopping hormones. It can start as early as a few months then grows from there. It's like flipping a switch. For many it will go no further than attraction. Others will completely change orientation. Within two years your orientation becomes more clear and set. This is why we tell people who are confused pre-hormones to relax because everything works out in the end.

Orientation can't be helped. You are attracted to who you are attracted too. That being said there are Psychological factors that will keep some from going beyond the attraction phase when things change. Trauma and past experience with cis-gendered men can hold some back and limit a meaningfull long lasting relationship. In these cases therapy can be helpful.

An interesting side note about hormones is that interests and hobbies that you've had all your life can also change. Of course not everyones experience will be the same but there are trends and groupings. I'm not sure why experiences are different since many's orientation will not change at all.

Laura

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora Laura,

If HRT can 'change' a person's sexual orientation then in theory 'all' trans-people on HRT should have a shift in orientation and it would also dispel the theory/belief that gay people are born that way and can not 'change'...I believe psychologically ones orientation doesn't 'change' as such, but like Rainbird mentioned for some it's deeply closeted along with ones true gender identity-because of all the stigma associated with 'homosexuality' ones sexual orientation's closet is much deeper than ones gender identity one and that might account for the late awareness and acceptance...

A friend of mine as always seen herself as bisexual but as been in a longterm lesbian relationship[for over twenty odd years],she still see herself as bisexual but has found true contentment with a female partner...

As the other theory goes we are all born bisexual and for some as they get older a part of their sexual nature gets closeted!

Remember transsexuality might be more obvious because of the body change-but the stigma of 'homosexuality' runs much deeper...

Now I could be wrong, but to date I have not read any scientific 'proof' that orientation can actually change on HRT...

Happy Mindfulness

Metta Jendar

[Guest julia_d]

My attraction to men hasn't changed over 8 years of hormones, but the type of man I go for certainly has. Years ago I used to be attracted to the slightly effeminate men, the ones who were preened and clean shaven and who fitted I suppose into the bi/gay edges.. Now I like the big strong men.. the masculine men.. the builders and motor mechanics with oil under their nails and a smell of diesel about then.. It's really quite odd how it has changed..

[Guest CharliTo]

Eh, I fight my feelings with no success. lol.

I'm finding myself attracted to guys too...and I think it's good to be open about it...

I'm bisexual, but I still say I'm "lesbian" to people. I do however notice that just recently I had a crush on my friend for a bit. (I still do too) >_<

....and yeah, I definitely had thoughts that aren't really PG-13 when my mind wanders off w/ him in mind. oof.

but yeah, i can't deny it any more really. I know someone outside of online that is just like me as far as sexual orientation so it does make it easier for me to deal with, knowing that i'm not the only person like that.

[Guest]

Now I could be wrong, but to date I have not read any scientific 'proof' that orientation can actually change on HRT...

I get tons of mail running as high as 1500 some days after spam. It is impossible to answer more than a small portion and my mail downloads take hours not minutes. In addition compiling all the numbers I have would take a large group to anylize. I'm one person. Research on Transgendered people has been limited because it's hard to get a lot of us in one place so studies have been small. In contrast this site has had 6.9 million users which makes us a researchers dream. What you see on the forums or in chat is the tip of the iceberg on the information available to me. I also have the advantage of doing followups if I want to get to the heart of any matter. Usually When I speak it is with a lot of personal knowledge and personal accounts to back it up. If you wish to challenge the personal accounts of 6.9 million users I am not surprised. How many accounts do you have? Certainly i don't speak for my health Jendar, it is to relay information I have.

I've already stated above that i have had a lot of mail on this subject. I could write a book on just this subject alone. Don't you think i explored Psychological factors in replies and interviews? I mentioned this above. There is a trend I see that some orientations are changed on hormones as well as life long interests. It takes place in about a third of my respondents. Yes some may have psychological factors but many don't. A few who stopped hormones found their orientation reverse again. I'd say that's evidence wouldn't you?

This site is working with several researchers, therapists and Universities. Hopefully they can make sense of the mountains of data I've accumaltaed. This if course will lead to more scientific surveys and the PROOF you always demand. In the meantime what I've said is real and backed up and is not any less true. If you choose NOT to believe me that is your right. Am I not suppossed to believe thousands of personal accounts? Yep must be a conspiracy. Obviously I write myself 1500 emails a day.

Laura

[Guest Sarinah]

If HRT can 'change' a person's sexual orientation then in theory 'all' trans-people on HRT should have a shift in orientation

Jen, your opening statement you use the word can... Can does not equal will. Just because a persons orientation can change doesnt mean it will change, So no not all trans-people on HRT would have a shift in orientation. Nor would going on HRT guarantee a change in orientation.

As to rayne's question, I do not have an answer. I have yet to go on HRT. I would however offer a piece of advise if you will have it. You have said that you are happily married. You will always be tempted by physical desires for other people and regardless of wether those desires are for men or women. Be honest with your spouse always and respect and love their wishes. From the way you have responded in many other posts I assume you already know and follow this advice.

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora laura,

I'm sorry if I offended you in any way, I was just stating a logical conclusion that I came up with, that is for me it just does not add up...If HRT can 'change' a person's sexual orientation-then wouldn't it be logical for an homosexual person who's uncomfortable with their sexuality to be prescribed testosterone/estrogen [whichever the case may be] to make them fit in so to speak-From what I gather this as been tried and to no avail...

What's wrong with the theory that for some pre transitionals their 'true' sexual orientation [because of the stigma attached to the term 'homosexual'] is deeply closeted and will only come out after they become comfortable with their 'true' gender identity ? Think about this for a moment Laura, how many of us have lived in denial and lied through our teeth about our true identity because of the stigma attached and on top of that add the fact the social stigma of 'homosexuality'- being attracted to the 'same sex' runs much deeper that 'transsexuality' - transitioning from one sex to the other...And I'm not belittling transsexuality in anyway-suicide I've been there and attempted that on more than one occassion in the past...

Laura, if people say their sexual orientation has 'completely' changed - so be it! I may feel that this is not the case[no doubt I'm not alone in this] but if that's what they believe then so be it...You may well be right Laura...Besides whatever makes them feel comfortable...

To be honest with ones feelings is the only true freedom!

Happy Mindfulness

Metta Jendar

[Guest Evan_J]

I hate speculating about "other peoples business" and yet I'm human and do so.

I guess my own little drawn up theory wonders if transitioning allows a "mental freedom" to pursue a gender alterior to the original attraction choice for folks with internalized homophobia and at the same time /sometimes creates a need to fulfil a fetish towards homosexuality for other folks.

Here's what I mean, person A is genetically male and because of deep shame/homophobia has never allowed himself attraction to other genetic males. Upon transitioning and accepting the position of being a female attraction toward a male is no longer homosexual and so is allowable.

Conversely, person A the genetic male might be a "professed" homosexual who in truth is more enamored with the tabooism of homosexuality than males for the sake of maleness and upon transition and accepting the position of being a female the tabooism is lost so now to achieve that same feeling this person would need to be lesbian.

IF both of those were true then it would also account for the attraction "changing back" when they went off hormones.

Its just something I've been playing around with in my head for a little bit. And actually Laura I would love to hear more about the whole thing if its possible? I dunno why but its kinda fascinating. I have some kind of need to understand the human creature lol.

The segment of the population that it does NOT account for however -and this is where it all goes downhill- is in the case of say a genetic female who socially would be "acceptable" being attracted to males but that wants to transition so that they could be intimate with specifically gay males esp when prior to transition they were not attracted to gay women or women at all since that'd be necessary for fetishism.