How Do I Get Rid Of Transgender Thoughts?

[Guest Burning Spirit]

Before i get started:

- I do not have disqust with my current privates, i'd just rather have women privates due to my unbearable desires

- I have felt this since i was 9, never felt it as a todler

- I'm 14 years old

- I'm currently male

When i was 9 i read a book where some boy and girl swapped bodies i think it was called "The Toilet Of Doom" or something.

As soon as i read it i started having emotionel desires to want something like that to happen to me, so had loads of dreams of being a girl and

i went through a phase of wanting to explore the oposite sex, however at that time the desires were not that strong at all, it felt like a

bit of an obsession that would gradually disolve away and it did, since at that time i was enjoying male life the desires eventually went away.

I still had them within me, i just manged to ignore them for a long period of time. They came back for a little while when i was 10 when i heard

there was something called a "Sex Change", everyone in my year thought it was hilarious, the joke never got old, i think people even came

in to school wearing bras or something pretending to be transgender. You see i had the desire locked within me, and it hid but came out every month and so.

When i was 10 up until i was 12 i couldn't feel the desires at all, they had gone away and i was comepletely relieved, little did i know it only took them

a little more notice to make them entirely formidible and evil. 2 months after my birthdday hair started growing in my pubic area and i realised i had

hit puberty, my thoughts started to mature a lot, and i developed a wider way of looking at things, i was autistic and i was recovering from the behaviour

i was always the one left out, truth is i'm a loner at school, i'm unpopuler and unwanted simply because i'm different and more mature. 2 months before my

13th bithday, th most disasterous thing happened, i had a dream where i became a girl, and i woke up with white stuff over the bed, i thought that dream

was incredible, the next night i thought about the dream and before long i had unbearable desires wanting to be a girl, the thoughts were killing me,

i felt as though i was a girl trapped in a boys body, and my head was exploding with thoughts about wanting breasts, wanting to be part of

female society, etc. The desires would never goaway no matter how i tried, they always came back at some point.

I atempted crossdressing in bed and it would temporerily relieve the symptons for a couple of weeks, but as i got older the desire got

stronger and stronger and stronger and more intense, i continued crossdressing but it just wasn't enough, my brain just

wasn't satisfied, i feel dso locked up with these thoughts i feel like i want to cry to the floor praying for them to go away, no one outside the

interent knows about it, i feel like i want to tell one of my friends to release some of the thoughts, but i know that's a terrible idea.

My brain is making the thoughts more intense by the months.

I really want a sex change but i just don't feel i can do it right now, if i was to tell my parents i'd probably have to move school, i hate my school

my life there is asolute hell, school does nothing but make the desires even worse, i see loads of hot girls and just loads of good looking girls

in general, i want to be like them, and be friends with them. But there''s just too many things getting in the way, i want to finish my media

GCSE, i know that sounds stupid for something as desirable as this, but i really want a career in the media and the school does it amazing

like no other, i want a job in game designing, and ICT related things, but those kind of things are male dominated and i'd probably

be harder to get all the business related jobs.

That's why i want to get rid of the thoughts, but i can't get rid of them, they're to powerful

- Please help :'(

Edited June 22, 2012 by JJ
Word changed per T & C to transgender instead of word not allpwed

[JJ]

Welcome to Laura's!

You will find people here who understand how you are feeling and what you are going through,

Because the thoughts are most likely caused by a difference between the way your brain structures developed and your body developed as far as gender it can't just be controlled or willed away, but dealing with it also does not mean an immediate sex change or any need to do anything drastic immediately, Dealing with it is actually best done slowly in a series of steps, The first and most important is to see a gender therapist, It is important it be a therapist with experience in gender issues because other therapists are often nor aware of the research that has proven this is the result of what is essentially a birth defect rather than a mental illness and can't be cured psychologically. Trying can result in a waste of time and money at best and real harm at worst,

The good news is that you can live a full and happy life as yourself, The bad news is that it takes a long time to go through the process and get there, You can push the thoughts away and you can deny them but eventually it has to be faced because it is a physical and not a mental condition that is responsible,

There is a great deal of information here and there are a lot of others your age so please settle in and do some reading and feel free to post all you want in any forum, We will be happy to answer any questions the best we can,

Because our site is unique and we work hard to keep everyone safe our T & C are unoque and it is important that you read them, please take a few minutes to do so, There is a link at the bottom right of almost every page,

Thanks!

Johnny

[Guest Mia J]

Hello and welcome to Laura's. We are happy to have you here.

If these thoughts have been with you for this long then it is most likely not an obsession but a true gender issue.

If it is the thoughts are probably not going to go away on their own. Have you considered talking to your parents about this and seeing if they can get you to see a therapist who can help you determine just what is going on?

Your story is similar to many others here on Laura's and to my own. We can give advice here on the forums but we are not therapists and I would suggest you seek that route. Feel free to look around the forums and see where others have had similar issues as you have.

There are many here who are willing to share and help you with what they can.

Mia

[Guest Daphne21]

I really feel as though I should say something here.

When it comes to the feelings you have, I don't exactly know if it's best for you to "get rid of them." I've wanted to do the same. I thought that they might just fade away one day. Yet, here I am.

I can't say I'm one that can give advice. (in fact that's probably far from the truth) But I suppose I could give you a bit of a base for comparison. From your post, your situation somewhat reminds me of my own at about the same age. (I'm only 16 so you can get an idea of the time in between things)

Last year though, I decided to actually start embracing my feelings a little more. Eventually, I worked up the courage to tell the people close to me among other things. I started to feel as though perhaps things would work out. I knew that there was no sense in trying to make these feelings go away.

I may not have helped or even made sense here but at least I tried. My point is that if you really feel as though you can't get rid of these feelings you shouldn't. From my experience, that only brings internal conflict that is hard to deal with on your own. You don't have to get rid of your feelings. You don't have to go completely all out in expressing them. You just have to be as comfortable as you possibly can in your situation. If that isn't possible then try to look at the bright side of things and make plans, whatever your decision, for a better future.

Anyway, I just wanted to offer what I could. I tried to keep it as short as possible so it may not be as helpful as it could be. I just hope that I at least didn't make things worse or anything of the sort.

With that I wish you luck in finding what's right for you and hope that things will get better in one way or another.

[Guest Burning Spirit]

I really feel as though I should say something here.

When it comes to the feelings you have, I don't exactly know if it's best for you to "get rid of them." I've wanted to do the same. I thought that they might just fade away one day. Yet, here I am.

I can't say I'm one that can give advice. (in fact that's probably far from the truth) But I suppose I could give you a bit of a base for comparison. From your post, your situation somewhat reminds me of my own at about the same age. (I'm only 16 so you can get an idea of the time in between things)

Last year though, I decided to actually start embracing my feelings a little more. Eventually, I worked up the courage to tell the people close to me among other things. I started to feel as though perhaps things would work out. I knew that there was no sense in trying to make these feelings go away.

I may not have helped or even made sense here but at least I tried. My point is that if you really feel as though you can't get rid of these feelings you shouldn't. From my experience, that only brings internal conflict that is hard to deal with on your own. You don't have to get rid of your feelings. You don't have to go completely all out in expressing them. You just have to be as comfortable as you possibly can in your situation. If that isn't possible then try to look at the bright side of things and make plans, whatever your decision, for a better future.

Anyway, I just wanted to offer what I could. I tried to keep it as short as possible so it may not be as helpful as it could be. I just hope that I at least didn't make things worse or anything of the sort.

With that I wish you luck in finding what's right for you and hope that things will get better in one way or another.

Thank's for your reply, your reply is like really polite. I don't mind short answers but i love long answers. Thank's for the advice, the only real issue with me seeing a gender therapist is my education, i don't want to mess up my GCSE in media studies by transitioning, because if i was viable for such a process i would want to move to another school. The thoughts of crossdressing or starting some sort of process in the middle of school makes me think of ahow the annoying people at my school will turn even nastier, what i'm saying is, if i was to start out something like this i would want to start out fresh otherwise i'm gonna be treated at some kind of freak and get one of those weird gossipy headlines.

[Guest Mia J]

Thank's for your reply, your reply is like really polite. I don't mind short answers but i love long answers. Thank's for the advice, the only real issue with me seeing a gender therapist is my education, i don't want to mess up my GCSE in media studies by transitioning, because if i was viable for such a process i would want to move to another school. The thoughts of crossdressing or starting some sort of process in the middle of school makes me think of ahow the annoying people at my school will turn even nastier, what i'm saying is, if i was to start out something like this i would want to start out fresh otherwise i'm gonna be treated at some kind of freak and get one of those weird gossipy headlines.

All the more reason to seek out a gender therapist. Seeing a therapist does not mean you are going to have to transition. For some of us that is what happens but what a good GT will do is work with you to find what you really want and how to survive and be happy at that level. There are many transgendred people who never transition because they can find a balance point that works for them.

In fact I would recommend that nobody transition unless that is the only way they can go on.

Mia

[JJ]

Also seeing a gender therapist doesn't mean having to come out to anyone but your parents who have to arrange it for you.

Dealing with these issues can become so distracting it can threaten future plans for some people because it can become hard to focus and concentrate on studies, Getting help in finding the best way for you can make it much, much easier and better all around.

Transitioning is purely a personal decision and needs to be done at the right time in your life for you and when you are ready if at all. But getting help with these issues is something that needs to be done as quickly as possible so you can get on with your life in the best way

Johnny

[Carolyn Marie]

Hon, you've gotten some great advice. One thing I would like to add is that, at the age of 14, even if you wanted to transition, you would be unlikely to be allowed to take female hormones. What usually happens for someone your age, is that you would be prescribed testosterone blockers, which would delay or prevent puberty, postponing the typical secondary sexual characteristics of you gender. That allows more time to decide what the best path is for you, without permanent changes to your body. But as the others have said, you would need to see a gender therapist before even that would be allowed.

You have a lot of time, hon, to decide things. Take the time to read through the Teen and the other forums, and learn all you can about this complicated process. The decisions that you face are life changing, and you want to be fully informed before you make them.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Lani]

Also seeing a gender therapist doesn't mean having to come out to anyone but your parents who have to arrange it for you.

Dealing with these issues can become so distracting it can threaten future plans for some people because it can become hard to focus and concentrate on studies, Getting help in finding the best way for you can make it much, much easier and better all around.

Transitioning is purely a personal decision and needs to be done at the right time in your life for you and when you are ready if at all. But getting help with these issues is something that needs to be done as quickly as possible so you can get on with your life in the best way

Johnny

Johnny is right.... These types of thoughts can really decide your future in a way!! I think you should atleast try to see a GT..

By the way, welcome to the site!!!

[Guest Catherine Sarah]

Hi Burning Spirit

And welcome to Laura's family.

The good news is; it's all been said before me. I've nothing new to add, however a little trick I learnt years ago, has paid some very big dividends for me over time.

That little trick is; because you've been given a lot of proper, well research and time proven advice, you will have to re read it several times to get a full understanding of where you are and what needs to be done. Simple, but yet soooooo effective.

Reap the benefits and rewards. Welcome to a journey of a lifetime.

Be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs

Catherine

[Guest Burning Spirit]

Also seeing a gender therapist doesn't mean having to come out to anyone but your parents who have to arrange it for you.

Dealing with these issues can become so distracting it can threaten future plans for some people because it can become hard to focus and concentrate on studies, Getting help in finding the best way for you can make it much, much easier and better all around.

Transitioning is purely a personal decision and needs to be done at the right time in your life for you and when you are ready if at all. But getting help with these issues is something that needs to be done as quickly as possible so you can get on with your life in the best way

Johnny

Thankyou very much for your answers, i found them very useful i may tell my parents soon, but i think i want to wait another couple years to finish education, even though it would be a very painful wait.

[Guest Otto]

If you're not ready to tell them, don't, You have to think the way you're going to tell them, it is a sensitive topic and some parents don't respond well, my mother isn't accepting, she doesn't support me,

But I have friend support, and thinking about it and after some years, I've got stronger and more confident even if I can't bear this body.

I don't accept my body, but I accept the situation.

If you accept the situation, you'll find it easier to solve some things out, and you'll be less stressed/angry/sad etc...

Anyway, here you'll get support, and probably answers to your questions,

the people on here helped me so much,

I'm sure you can get a lot of support, help and tips.

hope you're going to find a way to feel better

[Guest Rosy girl]

Hi burning spirit. I know you will find lots of good advice and support from Laura's Playground. I have been reading this forum for a while now and I always leave feeling better than before I logged on. Please be kind and true to who you are and love thyself!