Hello, all.

[Guest James Mob]

Hello, all. My name is James. Rather, that is my desired name. I was born Amanda. I realized something amazingly ironic recently that never occurred to me before about my birth name. Throughout my life, many of my peers would joke about my name and how funny it sounded, saying, “A man, DUH!”. Well… I thought it was hilarious, anyway. I only just remembered all those old years of joking about a week ago and I got the biggest kick out of it once I did.

I am a FTM and just last Saturday I turned nineteen. I’ve actually rewritten this introduction several times because each time that I have tried writing it I have ended up writing seven to eight pages. Lol. This time I am going to keep it short and attempt to keep it under a page.

I’ve always felt like a boy inside, and my earliest memories are from when I was four years old. There was a long time period in my life in which I attempted to suppress those feelings as best as I could. In the end, during my second semester of my senior year of high school, it roared up with a vengeance and I could no longer ignore it as it grew out of control. At that point I researched my feelings, and after a month of confusion and coming to terms with myself and who I truly was I finally accepted myself. I came out to my best friend about my feelings first, and while she has supported me I think it must have baffled her the most since I had flat out denied such feelings before.

Of course… she would only be the most baffled if you did not count my psychotic, abusive family that I happily escaped from half a year ago. I’ve done a lot of growing up during the past year that I have been out of high school which was also roughly around the same time period that I accepted my gender dysphoria.

Most of what I struggled with then no longer burdens me now—such as feeling like a total freak, which came in different stages. After getting past feeling like a freak for my gender dysphoria, I felt like a freak amongst the transgender population for being a gay FTM as well as the gay population for being a transsexual. Upon further research, after I discovered that there were other gay transmen out there, that was dispelled as well.

I still become deeply upset for being pre… well, just about everything. But I can usually keep myself intact by doing what it is that I can now. Wearing a binder has helped to calm my anxiety immensely, and it gives me an amazing boost of confidence whenever I put it on.

What still bothers me the most is something difficult to admit, and that is the feeling that no one could love someone like me and that even if they could they couldn’t actually handle being my partner. It’s something I’ve always been insecure about and I’m certain that it stems from far more than being transgender, although it is the biggest factor in what I feel would keep someone from wanting to be with me.

I enjoy playing sports, even though I know almost nothing about most of them. Basketball, soccer, football, and tennis are all sports that I would love to actually take part in. Unfortunately, I have no one that I can partake in any of those activities with. On the other hand, I absolutely adore stuffed animals... and I would have to say that my biggest passion in life is writing.

My reason for joining this forum is so that I can support others while also finding support myself, and to—if I’m lucky—make some friends.

[Guest]

Hi James,

Welcome to Laura's Playground! You've found the right place! You'll find that you're not alone, and that you'll be able to learn from those who've gone ahead of you, and help those who are behind you too.

I understand that feeling you're talking about: That, "how can I ever be attractive when I'm trans?" conversation in your mind You know, every guy has those same insecurities? It's just the way we're wired. I used to attend a support group that included around 20 transmen. Me, as a transwoman? I could really appreciate what those guys were about! You undoubtedly have qualities that no cis-male could ever dream of - just a matter of making the best of what you have.

Well, this is the stuff of Laura's Playground... Learn what it is, grasp it, make it your own, live it! Fun stuff! I hope to see you around!

Love, Megan

[Charlize]

Welcome, Enjoy, share and read. We are all helping ourselves as we help others. Odd but true. I like the a man duh. although i'm sure you prefer James.

Hugs and hope to hear more,

Charlie

[Guest Luna_Luv2942]

Hello hellooo \^o^/ Nice to meet'cha. Another Texan yesh!! What town you live in?

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, James. Nice to meet you!

I encourage you to read the forum threads that interest you, post anywhere you want, ask any questions, and we'll try to provide the best answers we can. I do ask all our new members to please read the Site Terms and Conditions, as they are an important reason this place is safe and pleasant for everyone.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Mia J]

Hello James and welcome to Laura's. We are happy to have you with us on the forums.

Thanks for the wonderful introduction. That was not too long at all.

Growing up this way we all feel like we are freaks at times or even most of the time.

Understand that you will not be considered a freak here because you are among others just like you.

Look around and post when you are ready.

Mia

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi James,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[Guest angels wings]

Welcome James

[KathrynJulia]

Welcome James to Lauras Playground:

I'm beginning to believe that your Texas weather has migrated north to Missouri. I hope you are staying cool. I'm done with playing in the heat and am settleing down. We are all glad to welcome you and hope that you enjoy the Playground as much as we do. We work hard to keep it a safe and sane place where people struggling with Gender issues can meet in a commmunity and find support and information. So look around, and when you are ready jump in and express whatever is on your mind. Kathryn