I'm At The Beginning...

[Guest confusedfemale]

I am startin to discover whether or not I am in fact transgendered, but am looking for some answers. What are some beginning steps I should take? I'm talking to my therapist, and looking for packers on the internet. What else should I do?

[Sally]

Try to put your feelings into words - I had a very hard time doing that at first (raised as the strong silent type male). But it is the best think that you can do. Once you tell someone in person or on the Internet how you feel they can tell you haw that equates to their own experience and if not tell it to someone else. That's the great part about these forums - you get a lot of answers from a lot of different view points - find the one closest to your point of view and keep in touch with them. It seems like such a small thing, but it can mean a lot.

You may have noticed that I don't have any trouble talking about my feelings any more - the hard part now is shutting me up!

Try it, it will seem strange at first but then you will feel weights being lifted off of your shoulders.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Evan_J]

Is your therapist a gender specialist or a general therapist? You might consider making sure they are versed on gender isssues and qualified to recommend you for hormones should that become the determination otherwise you might be "talkin to the wrong person" and end up wasting money. That aside, the first thing I picked out in your question is "discover whether or not". You don't have to buy packys and items to discover that unless you're going the "try it out and see how it feels" route? Nothing wrong with that if its what you want to do just keep in mind that its"seeing how it feels" not a commitment. I actually "tried it out" by accident years ago; meaning I wasn't thinking anything remotely like "being transgendered" and in the course of "seeing/experiencing" myself "in full drag" if you will almost had a whole meltdown/ psychological episode of "realization". So I don't know whether "trying it out" is to be disqualified, encouraged or what. What I can tell you though is "discovering" and "determining" requires a lot of thought. And honesty. Sometimes honesty that you don't want lol. Or that doesn't feel good. Asking questions of yourself that might be painful or embarassing or even that make you feel like you are a "wrong person to even think something like that". For me there were a lot of questions that had to be answered about how I felt about women as group, as a group to belong to, about men, about men as a group to belong to, sex, sexuality, social interaction, functionality in the world as either..... a LOT of things. I even had the "are you betraying your mother in some way by saying her sex is not good enough for you" thing come up. "If you know all of the evil that men do how can you want to be one of them"? "It doesn't matter what you do to yourself you will still be a woman". "You cannot "become" a man all you will be is an ugly woman with a hairy face". Theres a lot of painful statements possible and a lot of hurtful questions to actually have to ask yourself. Being "sure" then means that even if you heard all of that, under it you wouldn't "feel" the hurts intended, you couldn't, because you would know in the core of your soul that you were not a woman. You might "prickle" at the insult but it doesn't have any danger of "undoing" you. Nothing can. If you actually are something else. You'll know what you are when you feel "free". When you don't have to pretend to be anything, either masculine or feminine. When you feel that thing, try to put the closest name you can to it.

I hope this is helpful.

[Guest confusedfemale]

Is your therapist a gender specialist or a general therapist? You might consider making sure they are versed on gender isssues and qualified to recommend you for hormones should that become the determination otherwise you might be "talkin to the wrong person" and end up wasting money. That aside, the first thing I picked out in your question is "discover whether or not". You don't have to buy packys and items to discover that unless you're going the "try it out and see how it feels" route? Nothing wrong with that if its what you want to do just keep in mind that its"seeing how it feels" not a commitment. I actually "tried it out" by accident years ago; meaning I wasn't thinking anything remotely like "being transgendered" and in the course of "seeing/experiencing" myself "in full drag" if you will almost had a whole meltdown/ psychological episode of "realization". So I don't know whether "trying it out" is to be disqualified, encouraged or what. What I can tell you though is "discovering" and "determining" requires a lot of thought. And honesty. Sometimes honesty that you don't want lol. Or that doesn't feel good. Asking questions of yourself that might be painful or embarassing or even that make you feel like you are a "wrong person to even think something like that". For me there were a lot of questions that had to be answered about how I felt about women as group, as a group to belong to, about men, about men as a group to belong to, sex, sexuality, social interaction, functionality in the world as either..... a LOT of things. I even had the "are you betraying your mother in some way by saying her sex is not good enough for you" thing come up. "If you know all of the evil that men do how can you want to be one of them"? "It doesn't matter what you do to yourself you will still be a woman". "You cannot "become" a man all you will be is an ugly woman with a hairy face". Theres a lot of painful statements possible and a lot of hurtful questions to actually have to ask yourself. Being "sure" then means that even if you heard all of that, under it you wouldn't "feel" the hurts intended, you couldn't, because you would know in the core of your soul that you were not a woman. You might "prickle" at the insult but it doesn't have any danger of "undoing" you. Nothing can. If you actually are something else. You'll know what you are when you feel "free". When you don't have to pretend to be anything, either masculine or feminine. When you feel that thing, try to put the closest name you can to it.

I hope this is helpful.

And that's what it would be, is just exploration. See how I feel. I guess I'm just stuck in a rut, if that makes sense

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Hey - remember going to a gender dysphoria trained therapist, doesn't make you ANYTHING except a client - ha

Therapy should help answer a lot of questions - plus give you options - probably help you with a lot of things you don't even know about.

That is IF YOU ARE AT THE RIGHT PLACE...

I was terrified on my first vist - I know you said you have been going. Are you okay now? You say you are stuck in a rut - that's not good.

Is it your therapist? Do you suspect it might be you , not giving full answers or something?

Hopefully, you can be true to what is in your heart and just be brutally honest.

Good luck to ya...

[Guest confusedfemale]

Hey - remember going to a gender dysphoria trained therapist, doesn't make you ANYTHING except a client - ha

Therapy should help answer a lot of questions - plus give you options - probably help you with a lot of things you don't even know about.

That is IF YOU ARE AT THE RIGHT PLACE...

I was terrified on my first vist - I know you said you have been going. Are you okay now? You say you are stuck in a rut - that's not good.

Is it your therapist? Do you suspect it might be you , not giving full answers or something?

Hopefully, you can be true to what is in your heart and just be brutally honest.

Good luck to ya...

I haven't gone in quite a while. I just started tellin her about it over e-mail though. She isn't a gender therapist, just my general therapist. So, I don't know. But it should still help. Help to answer some questions about what's going on.

[Guest Martin]

The things that helped me the most were support groups, research, and having someone to talk to (this person was not a gender therapist, but she was an excellent social worker).

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Perhaps your therapist can give you a referral or two. You need to see someone who is familiar with gender dysphoria. I was given that advice from someone who said she had to educate several therapists on transgender - and had to pay the bill anyway.

It realy helps to do real therapy and with someone who knows what it is all about.

Helped me - I feel so much better now.

[Guest confusedfemale]

Perhaps your therapist can give you a referral or two. You need to see someone who is familiar with gender dysphoria. I was given that advice from someone who said she had to educate several therapists on transgender - and had to pay the bill anyway.

It realy helps to do real therapy and with someone who knows what it is all about.

Helped me - I feel so much better now.

I'm trying to just do one thing at a time, and go with those I feel comfortable talking with. Eventually if I need to, I'll get to that stage. And, I know I will, when it's time. It's going to be getting there that will be the issue...

[Guest Evan_J]

Take your time, do it the way thats best suited to you. There's lots of ways it has been done but none that it has to be.