??'s For Crossdressers :)

[Guest Black_Rose]

Hi, I was wondering about something.

Perhaps you can lend a hand.

1. how long have you been crossdressing?

2. DO you like just crossdressing or are you aspiring to change your gender?

3. Does crossdressing fill you?

I would like to know if crossdressing eventually evolve to gender change or if it satisfies you.

Thanks.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Talk about getting to the soul level here. I thought I might be a cross dresser for many years but the definitions didn't quite fit me. It was one of the first questions I asked my therapist, am I transsexual or a cross dresser ??? You know that answer if you read my posts - TS. So what I answer may not be applicable except from the transsexual side of crossdressing - but darn it, I can never pass up a poll.

1. how long have you been crossdressing? 56 years - just stopped. Its now called transitioning

2. DO you like just crossdressing or are you aspiring to change your gender? MTF - so you know that answer

3. Does crossdressing fill you? 'fulfill me?" Not in the way you may want to hear, it completes me and helps bind mind and body. My therapist calls it a visible affirmation of my identity. In my opinion, what I dress in is gender appropriate (my gender identity is female of course).

I would like to know if crossdressing eventually evolve to gender change or if it satisfies you.

Other way around, I am afraid. My early gender dysphoria probably led to 'cross dressing." I cannot say if this is typical but that is how it happened with me. I understand that argument you have, cross dressing may lead to transsexuallity. I don't believe that is true.

My opinion is that true cross dressers enjoy presenting their 'feminine' side. They are basically male and do not want to change their sex. If later they find they want to transition, they have had to have been transsexual from the beginning, possibly finding out later in life.

A shortcut to thinking about this - a "cross dressing" transsexual wants to present her femaleness - not feminine side - but her femaleness is a constant and doesn't really qualify as a 'side." As TS, our femaleness is always there - auggggggh - makes us miseable to repress it . We have to playact as a male. So when 'dressed' we feel back to normal.

It took me a long time to understand that. So now I feel like a cross dresser when in male clothing and shoes - strange world, isn't it?

[Guest Courtney Hamilton]

Other way around, I am afraid. My early gender dysphoria probably led to 'cross dressing." I cannot say if this is typical but that is how it happened with me. I understand that argument you have, cross dressing may lead to transsexuallity. I don't believe that is true.

My opinion is that true cross dressers enjoy presenting their 'feminine' side. They are basically male and do not want to change their sex. If later they find they want to transition, they have had to have been transsexual from the beginning, possibly finding out later in life.

I agree with Elizabeth if it evolves to wanting to make a change then the transsexualizm has always been there. That is what my wife xJennaSO is going though cause I am a transsexual and have just recently been able to accept it, tho looking back I have known it all along I just had so many walls and defenses built up I wouldn't let myself see it.

[Guest Black_Rose]

I see.

Just wondering cause Camila does not seem like wanting to transition, she seems pretty happy being in woman's clothing and all that jazz but I was just curious what you would recommend in the matter of her knowing, should we find a therapist?

I mean I am pretty accepting of her and very much love her but in a way I am not sure if I can see her as a full woman.

I did fall in love with her as a male, and I like that part of her and I know it's not as easy as that for her but, please don't hate me or anything but just kinda want to keep her male side too :ducks:

[Guest Elizabeth K]

YES-Yes-yes

THERIPIST -Theripist- theripist

MUST -Must - must

[Guest Dutchie]

I... ehm

<sigh>

I used it as a means to keep me sane and postpone transitioning... So no, I didn't evolve, I de-volved.

And Liz is again right in my eyes, when I'm in "men's" wear, I'm feeling as if I'm crossdressing....

If Camila is comfortable in cross dressing, no need to push it any further. She needs to follow her feelings.

[Guest mia 1]

Black Rose I;ve been cross drssing since my early teens, playing sick so I could wear my mother's clothes and dress in front of the bathroom mirror. For me it has been an episodic journey. Either going long periods without crossing, or long periods, while crossing.

Recently, I've crossed a threshold. I can feel the woman within while dressed in "street" clothes. This is a new experience for me. I am in touch with the emotional and intellectual side of feminity and I am so happy about it I write daily to Laura's shouting the new joy.

However I am happy with my male body, don't plan to transition through hormones or any surgery, but If that urge ever happened I would give it serious thought.. Why not? We all love Camilla and Black Rose... keep on Communicating.............T.O.Y. Love Mia

[Sally]

A good gender therapist is a great idea - they will help Camila discover her true feelings - if cross dressing is the answer, it will never evole into anything else. I like the others started dressing out os a desire to 'be female'. Transgender isn't like drug addiction - start on one drug, then when it doesn't supply enough high (your body builds a tolerance) move to something stronger - most addicts didn't start out on main lining heroin. (My experience with druge is through TV and a number of people I knew (young jazz musicians who thought it would be cool and couldn't hurt them).

No transgender is a physical fact - you are born with it, when you discover it varies, when you do something about it varies and what you do about it varies. The one thing that never changes is what you are, cross dressers are cross dressera and when allowed to dress they are very happy - transsexuals are transsexuals and when they are dressed - they are still uncomfortable with themselves, happier but with a strong yearning for something more.

Is that any help?

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest mia 1]

Black Rose, thinking about my first reply to your blog. I went out for my daily bike ride and ralized that you were worried about Camila and thinking he may want to transition. I hope that my response didn't unsettle your thoughts firter.

#1 I am happy with my male body.

#2 I have no intention of going through hormone therapy of surgery.

#3 I have come out to my wife and told her about Cross Dressing and assured her that I love her.

#4 She is O.K. with it and I emphasize O.K. she is far less accepting than you are AND doesn't want to talk about C.D. at all!

#5 You are so open and loving with Camila that if she had any thoughts of transition the thought would have been brought up by now.

#6 If you want read my blog about entitled the Women Within. It explains my thoughts about cross dressing and the inner women that expreses herself through out my life, with or without clothing

#6 Blah, blah,blah. Enough about Mia.

Enjoy your wonderful Camila and consider yourself our close friend Mia

[Guest Black_Rose]

Thank you all.

It's just something I worry, most of the times it's mostly about how hard it must be for Camila and not sure what's going on in her mind.

Then comes my nutty mind lol The balance of happiness and how a marriage works with compromise and I mean I support Camila lets say 99% cause that 1% is the worry part for selfish reasons the whole I'm going to lose my husband, he's going to turn in to a woman and leave me! although Camila has reassured me that not once has she ever had a homosexual tendency and that there is no way in hell she would leave me.

And I believe Camila. And also there is one little tiny, minor thing, it took me YEARS! thanks to Camila and some wonderful online friends to say "hey you are not ugly" and I have my days, I believe I suffer from body dismorphia (sp?) cause yeah, anyway Camila makes me feel pretty and ok man here goes, now she's pretty, and I'm like "no! I'm the pretty one!" lol umm may sound silly but yeah :blushes:

So I have all these thing floating in my mind, uhh there goes one thinking the make up bill going up, clothes bill and silly things like that.

Camila did say she did not want to change her gender because like Mia said she likes her male body but then again I wonder if she isn't telling me to not worry me more.

Oh I'm confussled!

[Sally]

Relax, have a cup of Cocoa - the wonder drug of choice here in the playground - take a deep breath and listen to your friend Sally.

What in your life has ever changed because you worried about it - nothing! Things can only change if you do something about it.

Camila has said that she doesn't want to change her body - she has been very upfront about wanting to dress and feel pretty - why question her truthful ness about this?

Don't worry so much, she is probably just thrilled to be dressed and feeling good about her appearance and for a cross dresser she is where she wants and needs to go. If she decides that she needs to transition and become a woman - there will be plenty of time to work out how you feel then, transition takes time. I think that she is happy being Camila and dressing the part without having to alter her physical body.

You two love each other and that is very special, don't be so caught up in the physical - even when dressed as Camila, she is the same person that you married. I don't believe for a minute that the two if you married just for looks and sex - you wouldn't have lasted so long. You married for love and that isn't changing at all!

I've had PMs with each of you and believe me, I would love to have some body care for me the way you care for each other! Stop worring and enjoy you r wonderful partner, she can sense your concern and it will only serve to make her feel guilty - she can get that from anybody, she needs your support and love. I know that you are giving her both, but as you know women need to be reminded - you like to be told that she loves you, don't you?

I love you guys, don't worry yourself sick over what might be,

Sally

[Guest Black_Rose]

Thank you!!!

(HUGS)

THANK YOU!

[Guest xJennaSO]

Rose,

I totally understand your paranoia. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time when I read "No, Im supposed to be the pretty one" That has been a big issue for me. I have always been more of a tomboy, comfort is way more important to me than style. And now that I know that Courtney is interested in fashion, make-up and all those girly-girl things I dont spend time on, I am left feeling less attractive than ever. It was one thing when my husband didnt really pay attention to the way I looked, hes a guy and doesnt know or care about that stuff. But, thats just not the case. Courtney has very definite ideas about what is beautiful, and I just dont seem to fit.

But really, that is such a small thing. So, I dont feel like a fairy princess. My prince charming looks better in glass slippers than I do. OK. While it may be a small blow to my ego, I will get over it. That she can finally be honest with me has had such a positive effect on our relationship. When I read the Transexual FAQ page on this site, it makes me feel rather bleak about the prospects for survival of our marriage. We havent been together all that long. And it has been a rather rocky road at times. But, much of the craziness, has stemmed from Courtney's inability to be herself. I am very hopeful now for our future together. I dont care what kind of clothes she wants to wear. I dont care if she has long hair or grows boobs or whatever. It may not be the average white picket fence type of relationship, but I would chose to have a partner who is open and honest and happy anyday over one who is miserable and withdrawn.

And while I woke up this morning feeling much more positive than I have over the last week, I know I will still have bad days. There are still a lot of quesitons. Im not really sure that this is helpful, but hopefully, I will be able to look back on what ive written here and remind myself how lucky I really am.

[Guest mia 1]

Whoa!" XJennaS.O." and B. Rose You have opened my eyes! The insecurity part, is my S.O. "prettier" than me or something to that effect. So glad I reread Black Roses post and Xj's reply.

My S.O. loves me as you both love Camila and Courtney, but she glosses over the C.D. part of my life, I can see her insecurity. You two are great,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Love, Mia

[Guest Jenisacutie]

Hi, I was wondering about something.

Perhaps you can lend a hand.

1. how long have you been crossdressing?

2. DO you like just crossdressing or are you aspiring to change your gender?

3. Does crossdressing fill you?

I would like to know if crossdressing eventually evolve to gender change or if it satisfies you.

Thanks.

1. Four years.

2. I do like wearing girl clothes

3. I suppose only if I ate the clothes, lol. But seriously, it is fun and I enjoy the challenge of trying to look girly.

[Guest Kelly Ann]

AAAAaaaAAAHHH Rose...what to say that hasn't been said...erm...what I see/feel? When I was a really young teenager I really liked Slaughterhouse V by K Vonnegut...Billy Pilgram seemed JUST LIKE ME ducking in and out...heck...40+ years later Billy Pilgram still defines how I feel a lot of the time...dis-placed? The mystery is HOW to deal with it...run and hide? (it doesn't work). Change completely as in SRS? That's a DRASTIC choice that needs consideration on many levels, therapy and support even for a major personality (ie:ego)...something that is not to be taken lightly. My path has been to accept myself just as I am at the moment and surprisingly because I do it's ALMOST always a bowl of cherries...heck life's not easy for anybody...lest of all someone like me...I simply refuse to accept the unacceptable regarding myself. Sometimes I'm not even sure how I present myself...especially in summer when I don't wear long pants at all and I've got an ankle braclet and shaved legs/armpits/shorts/tank top/sandals...except it's me...so if ya'll are happy together and the tolerance level is an even keel between yourselves...why would anybody else matter? Hope you hold each other tight and love one another through thick and thin, Kelly Ann

[Guest DeniseNM]

1. how long have you been crossdressing?

2. DO you like just crossdressing or are you aspiring to change your gender?

3. Does crossdressing fill you?

Hey Rose here is my answers to your question:

1. off and on since I was a young child (am 40 now)

2. Yes I like to crossdress (especially now that I accept who I am), the full transition is still a possiblity in the future but can't say right at this moment (live one day at a time)

3. Like was said earlier it fulfills me.

I didn't become a transsexual because I crossdressed but I crossdressed because I have always been a girl stuck in a male body and I think that is the way it is for all transsexuals. If Camila is happy with just the crossdressing just support that. I can understand about the not sure about if he transitioned because my wife isn't sure about it either.

we are lucky who have SO who accept us as we are though

[Guest DeniseNM]

Sorry meant to also say thank you to Rose, Ms Tea and xJenna ya'll are special ladies and I know that your SO love you for accepting them for who they are, and also to all the others who accept their SO other for who they are. Hopefully my wife will come on here some day to see all of ya'lls support

big HUG and Kiss to each of you

Denise

[Guest Black_Rose]

Thank you all.

You rock my world!!!

Ms Tea and xJenna you gals are awesome indeed.

And everyone her so helpful, why can't all boards be this cool?

[Guest CamilaRose]

In answer to everyone's speculations, I'm taking it one day at a time...not doing anything without discussing it with the most important person in my life (BlackRose, that's you...), but I might like some therapy, if I can find it (should be SOMEONE in NYC I could see...), but they have to have cocoa! With little marshmallows, but not the REALLY tiny ones, the regular little ones....you know the ones....

[Sally]

That's the spirit!

And the real reason that you two have stayed together, you put each others feelings first.

My therapist always offered me cold drinks - we are in Texas after all, but if I manage to get back ther before or 2 weeks of winter are over she has hot water and cocoa mix - no cookies, but a ton of chocolates. You can take your own marshmellwos - that's the beauty of carrying a purse!

Love you two,

Sally

[Guest Amanda L Richards]

Hello all.

This is a very good question. It makes one stop and take a look at what has been there all the time.

For the first question, How long...? I have been doing it since I was maybe 7. The frequency increased at about 12 and continiued to increase as time went on. While this is a subtle form of crossdressing, (panties under male clothing) I have been able to doit all the time for the last ten years.

The second question: I don't think it is a matter of just liking to do it while I know I have said that I love it, but I think the deeper explanation is that it has always been who I relly am and I am just attempting to correct what others have forced me to do.

It is sort of like being a lawyer, would he dress up in coveralls and rubber boots as his regular office wear? Not! that is just wrong. I feel that inside I have always felt more female and that I was put into the wrong clothing as a result of having the outwardly male appearance (other peoples forced views). The true me is female, and the clothing just feels more normal. Therefore Iam not aspiring to change my gender, i have always had the same gender that I have now, female. I am just simply trying to bring other parts of my life into allignment with who I am inside.

The third Does it fullfill me?? Becuase clothing is immensely important to conveying who we are to the world, I.E Police, Lawyer, Doctor etc etc., but with gender issues, it goes much deeper and I think all I ever wanted to do is show the world who I really am.

In a sense it does feel like fullfillment, it has also felt like I have completed myself, I also feel like I am myself. Essentially the clothing (womens) is an outward expression of me wanting to settle into my own body such as it is and feel comfortable with the feminine feelings and propensities. I am uncomfortable in male clothing, and I hate it. The lawyer wearing the coveralls and rubber boots to the office would likewise feel "ODD" to say the least.

It does satisfy me when I am dressed. It's me and everyone who feels themselves are comfortable with themselves and satisfied.

I hope that answers you question. I must say though that this question has served it's purpose of allowing me to take another look at who I am from a refreshed angle. It gives me a diferent perspective of what I already know but it also provides me with confirmation of my feelings.

Thank you for your question, all questions are valuable, if you don't ask you will remain in ignorance.

Talk to you soon

Amanda LR

[Guest Ms Tea]

Wow Black Rose you knew exactly what my fears are. This was a great thread to read (and I even got mentioned without even posting in this part of the forum yet ). I recently read a post that Michelle wrote on a site that she frequents it really did help calm some of my fears, I am married to a crossdresser. From just daily life I can tell that Michelle likes being a male that crossdresses, she loves the fact that she is doing something "naughty" and either no one can tell or she has little hints if they can figure it out.

I don't have had body issues(other then the typical basic bad hair day ones) and I know that Michelle will never pass but I do sometimes wish that I did not have to share my lingerie and pampering budget. We did get to do a spa day last April and Michelle loved it, we are planning on another this month but with two of us it makes it that much harder to afford.

Rosie I think that people here already know that you and I know each other so I feel like I can say it. You are an amazingly beautiful woman, both inside and out. I am proud to know you.

[Guest anna123]

1. about two and a half years

2. undecided

3. I primarily grew up around my mom and sister. Parents weren't split, but my dad worked a lot. It just kind of feels like I was meant to be a girl but wasn't at the same time

[Guest Christy.dancer]

How long? ohhh... depending on how you count, either about 2 days or about 16 years

Seriously, I live in the Pacific Northwest, and it's winter, so the difference between "male" and "female" fashion is whether you zip up your hoodie or not. I've always been a bit more androgenous than most, in an area where androgeny isn't as uncommon as it might be elsewhere. I recently bought undies from the women's dept, but I'm leaping all the way to Haines for Women cotton bikinis.... pretty much lower-cut tidy-whities without the front fly. Huge leap there, girlie....

Otherwise, my t-shirts tend to be a bit less masculine (no Metalica, but no Hello Kitty either). As the weather gets warmer, and I get braver, I'll keep you posted.