In Our Own Ranks

[Guest CindyLouCovington]

I haven't really experienced any serious hostility from the general public,New Orleans being pretty easygoing towards LGBT. I got laughed at by some kids, but you have to expect some of that.No, the only thing that really upset me was a vicious nasty attack,mercilessly ridiculing me,mocking my shortcommings in looking feminine,that came from another TRANSWOMAN,and someone prominent in a statewide support organization at that. I received an email from a local transwoman who had seen my name on a trans. website(not this one).She contacted me wanting to be friends, and we seemed to be getting along well to the point of making friendly wisecracks about each other. Then one day, as she was giving me a ride to a support meeting,I made a joke about her outfit(it looked like something Madonna wore in one of her earlier videos).Remember we were alone, and it was the same type of crack I had made before which she had found funny.Much to my surprise, she took mortal offense,and despite my attempts to remind her that it was only a joke,she kept going on and on.I tried to point in general terms that one of the problems with transwomen is that many were oversensitive and far too touchy.That infuriated her;she screamed "Cindy,STOP!" in such a tone and with such an infuriated look on her face that I was actually scared.Naturally I immediately shut up and we drove on in strained silence for awhile. I thought that she had gotten over that by the time taht we got to the support meeting.She sat at the moderators table with the person I mentioned, her friend. On the way home she seemed friendly enough, joking as before. Her friend, who was much younger than either of us, and very attractive, nice figure,never be taken for trans, seemed reasonably friendly at the meeting, so out of courtesy I sent her a Facebook friend request a few days later.I was shocked by her response.She ridiculed everything about me,saying that she had met many trans people but I was the first one that she wanted nothing to do with.She said that not only was I totally unconvincing(and I certainly have many shortcommings) but I was so bad that I would expose and make ridiculous everyone around me.My therapist said that it was one of the most vicious and insulting things that he had ever seen.My "friend" was subject to violent mood swings,something I had noticed sometime before(last year she attempted suicide), and both of them were by their own admission users of hard drugs,so I guess that I really shouldn't take it so seriously,but it still bothers me.Believe me,no transphobic minister ever said anything nastier than "my sister transwoman".

[Guest Eh-lyssa]

Wow sorry to hear about that. Sounds like your "friend" has some serious issues and I wouldn't take to heart anything she has to say about you. I would try to steer clear from her too at least for now.

[VickySGV]

Transgender + Drugs = Ugly!!

[Guest Deanna]

That is really sad. But hard drugs never made anyone a nicer person. Doesn't sound like someone you would want to close with.

[JJ]

I'm so sorry this happened. I've seen a transwoman act like that online but not IRL. Sadly we go through so much sometimes for so long that it makes some people permanently unstable I think. Sometimes they makes excuses but others who have the same conditions and excuses don't behave that way. Our community is infamous for the nasty fighting amongst ourselves and that is perhaps part of it. Some of us have become fragile from so many years of pain when things were different than they are now.

And also being trans doesn't automatically make someone a good or bad person. We really do occur in every kind of person and circumstance.Some TG are nasty people and some are nice. Some are viscous and others sacrifice for others. Sadly even those who are active and in leadership positions in organizations can be that way. Some do it because they genuinely want to help and others for self gratification and power. With the latter the mask only holds so long

And drugs of course add a whole other dimension to it. Especially if someone had a volatile personality to begin with.

But don't let it color your interactions with your fellow TG please! For every person like this one I have found dozens-hundreds -of good decent and caring people who can be trusted with your friendship

Hugs

Johnny

[Guest CindyLouCovington]

Thanks girls. I definitely don't assume that any group is all bad. Every group has good and bad members.Just human nature.

[MaryEllen]

Cindy, Would you send me the name of the trans woman who dissed you via PM. I understand if you would rather not.

MaryEllen

[Carolyn Marie]

That's a terrible thing to have happen, Cindy. Thankfully, I think its pretty rare. We do come in all flavors, and we are not so special that we wouldn't have some bad apples among us. Hopefully, nothing like that will ever happen to you again. It's hard enough being trans, without having to look over your shoulder to see who's coming.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie