Though For The Day.

[Guest Amanda_Henderson]

As most of you know I am a Truck Driver, I sit in this seat all day long, all of one of my days. I have pleanty of time to think.

Some thought have been Brought to my mind.

(Or question that I asked myself.)

Am I doing the right thing?

Why am I hurting my family? Because I was born a boy and that is how they all know me.

If I have to chose between my family and doing what I think is the right, what would I chose?

If I found the right man to be with How would I tell him, (If he dosnt know already.)?

What is the real reason my parents wont let Amanda in to there lives?

When I do get married, How would I tell my family, and would they come to the wedding?

When I get my surgary how would thay take the news?

How would they look at my best friend/sister in law? (She said she would be there when I do have my surgary.)

Would they look at here with hate, because she let me take the final step into womanhood?

And the list will go on forever, things that do cross my mind. Some I dont even want to think about, but sitting in this truck all day long, My mind likes to roam.

I know that I do not have all the answers and most if not all of you likely dont either, but this are just some thought that are learking around in my head when I am driving, Some times thay just pop in my head and I start thinking about it and I wind up in tears, sometimes it gets to me so much that I will out full crying flooding my truck with tears. I then try to think of somthing else that makes me happy, but sometimes it dose not work.

Thx for listing to a young girls ramble.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Wow - what a list - I wish I knew ALL the answers. I don't

Am I doing the right thing?

Do you feel you are doing the right thing - in your heart? That is probably the best place to look. And be brutally honest - yikes, big question

Why am I hurting my family? Because I was born a boy and that is how they all know me.

You probably know by now most medical people say we really have no choice. I was born an assigned male - but I'm not male. If I had been born with a club foot and had it repaired, would my family not know me anymore? Thats a bit cheesy but makes you think...

If I have to chose between my family and doing what I think is the right, what would I chose?

Can't you possibly chose both? Even if you are rejected by some, or even all, is it worse that what you have now? I personally had this TERRIBLE sadness - I was mean to so many people I loved because I hated myself as I was. My family, what I have now (many are deceased) - wants me happy, hey, wait a minute - maybe so I become a nicer person with them - grin - never thought of that before.

If I found the right man to be with How would I tell him, (If he dosnt know already.)?

Yikes - live your life now - worry about that later. I am married, hope to keep my wife - but she and I both worry about me wanting 'a man' eventually. But 90 % of what we worry about never happens.

And the list will go on forever, things that do cross my mind. Some I dont even want to think about, but sitting in this truck all day long, My mind likes to roam.

Let it roam - write it down - post it here. I would be surprised if someone here hasn't already worked through whatever you want to ask.

I know that I do not have all the answers and most if not all of you likely dont either, but this are just some thought that are learking around in my head when I am driving, Some times thay just pop in my head and I start thinking about it and I wind up in tears, sometimes it gets to me so much that I will out full crying flooding my truck with tears. I then try to think of somthing else that makes me happy, but sometimes it dose not work.

Sweety - if ya are that weepy - have a reason - if you are a candidate and it is right for you, get on HRT. I did and now I cry at the smallest things - BUT I have an excuse - you see. "it's the hormones." Grinnnnn - kidding...

Seriously - we are all a little bit sad sometimes here at Laura's - being transsexual is hard. But we all love ya and wanna work with ya the best we can - I GUAR-AN-TEE that - besides, haven't ya heard? Its okay these days to cry a bit - releases a lot of toxins - ya live longer if you cry (or does it just seem longer)

Thx for listing to a young girls ramble.

YOUNG? OMG - I am old - yikes - well, consider my advice as from someone's grandmother - eh, sexy grandmother - eh, gorgious sexy grandmother

[Sally]

We have lived with guilt for hiding who we are from or families and then we feel guilty for wanting to set things right.

We have got to let go of the guilt - we are correcting a birth defect, nothing more. No crime against nature, no punishing our parents, no rebeling against society just correcting that invisible 'club foot'.

Like the gorgeous sexy grandmother said, "99% of what we worry about never happens."

Live your life the way that you know you must - don't decide for others what they will think or do! Some will suorise you and others will disapoint you, but you can't know how anyone will react until you tell them.

Sometimes family members go into shock and denial (you were there for a while, we all were) given time some of them might just come back and embrace you as Amanda -because they love you and missed you.

We all love ya,

Sally

[Guest Kelly Ann]

Once again my naughty keyboard has mis-behaved...I may have to disable the TAB key...as this has been a serial issue does it make me a pre-mature poster? <GROOoooOOoooOAN> O.K. The post is in Co do you do local sweetie or OTR? I haven't done the driving thing for AGES...though I still have my CDL...I prefer to ride whenever I can anymore (-; All the goofiness aside on my part...as the Doors song says keep your hands on the wheel on your eyes upon the road...it a Gosh darned long way down those mountains in the winter! I know how you feel...my family and friends would probably ask what took me so long to make up my mind...work people probably wouldn't be surprised either...I usually have a trace of mascara on...I guess it's probably hard to miss, hey I LIKE it (-; I've kept my legs and armpits clean for numerous years now and yep I do wear shorts (this IS Florida...it's hot in the summer) and tank tops. What is, and probably should be, important is to be looking out for your best intrests first. I'm not a particularly selfish person but if it is a matter of my happiness, well being and/or sanity...it'll be, "honest your Honor..." ME first. If you aren't able to take care of yourself and attend to your daily needs how can you manage anything else? First things first...crawl, lean, walk, run...rollerblade YEEEEOOooOOOW!!! But not on ice...there's better skates for that...I used to love to ice skate...but in Florida Ha HA hA ha hA hA ha ha ha ha...Amanda you sound so certain of where your going I certainly do wish you ALL the best girl! There's so many truly wonderful people on the site it is difficult to imagine. Roam around it is all really worthwhile and there is so much to learn. Keep a smile, or at least one upturned corner on your lips if you have to let loose...it'll give you a little anchor...if it gets way too bad just start laughing like the whole world has gone mad for in fact it is and your own happiness is the bedrock of it's foundation. Hugs, Kelly Ann

[Guest amie]

I know exactly where you at on that, "Little Evil Think Tank" thingee. LOL. But seriously, that cab can sometimes serve to try n' drive you kookoo. I know about the tears as well. You know what I did? I went out and bought two of those baby shades that look like a little mini-blind, right? I put one on each door glass to cover my face for when I began to cry over some of this craziness. What's cool is that your using that time to try and rationalize some of this. And It's cool that your thinkin' about your family, or tending to in place of yourself, I think. Good luck in coming to peace wih all this.

[Guest Sarinah]

I know exactly where you are Amanda, Im there too. I have allot of the same questions. Im leaning on my faith to get me through it. I am also taking things slowlyone day at a time, hopeing that it will soften the blow a bit for my family. Ive already lived 26 years in this silly body whats another 4 or 5 for the sake of my relationships. babby steps.... babby steps.....