1st Appointment with Gender Specialist - Quite Offended

[Guest JamieJamie]

I had my first appointment with a gender specialist. This was not a therapist but a doctor who serves as a gateway to the therapy sessions.

On the doctor's behalf I will mention that I had been up most o fthe night before with food poisoning, so my appearance, although clean, was probably a bit disheveled. This however does not provide an excuse for a statment she made I found to be offensive and discriminatory.

It was going okay until she aske dthe question about how long have I been dressing in women's clothing. To which my answer was I don't, I explained that I don't because of my very male build and appearance. She responded by saying that they don't just hand out HRT at that clinic and that they only treat transwomen who have been dressing for a long time and feel comfortable dressing. I told her that was not what the current standards of care suggest, to which she became offended and said I was telling her how to do her job. She said I must have been referring to the SOC for adolescents, and I said no, I was referring to the standards of care for adults. (Ref: http://www.hrc.co.nz/newsletters/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Revised_Draft_Gender_Reassignment_Health_Services_For_Trans_People_within_NZ_Guide-2.pdf)

She again said they don't just hand out HRT there and I said I wouldn't expect you to, I only expect them to follow protocol. Again she was quite offended and said I was telling her how to do her job. She said that she had not read the SOC for over a year, I suggested that she should probably read them. (The new SOC were released in 2011 here).

She asked about my work, I just left my job recently so I could spend more time with my children and this is what I told her.

I told her my wife does not want me to dress up. My wife has fears and I believe her fears are valid and should be recognized as such.

She asked about who else supports me and I told her a few of my friends back in the US (I'm currently living in New Zealand) and one of my sisters.

Then she asked why I don't go back to the US because I should! That offended me. I told her I don't want to leave my wife and children. And she said "well your wife and children don't support you.". Now I'm really offended and my wife was later when I told her. (She didn't come because she stayed home with my son that also had food poisoning.) I told the doctor my children were 2 & 4. So she said but your wife isn't going to let them support you. So I told her my had had planned to be there but couldn't be because my son was also sick with food poisoning.

Now her demeanor changed & the direction of the meeting changed after that point to be more supportive. In the end she did refer me to start seeing their specialist. I'm glad everything changed direction but I'm really not happy of the route that was taken to get there.

[JJ]

It does sound like an upsetting session. I'm sorry you went through it. Sometimes people just don't click and someone brings out the worst in someone else for some reason that is not really their fault. It could be anything from resembling someone she didn't like to not liking Americans. Hard to say. But at least it's behind you now and you can move on

Johnny

[Carolyn Marie]

I certainly don't blame you for being upset. Those statements indicate someone who doesn't take the treatment of TG patients very seriously, isn't prepared to provide a high level of care, and has some personal issues with the whole TG issue. At least it ended on a more positive note. I hope your next step in the process goes better.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Charlize]

I admire you for keeping your temper and resolve. Glad it worked out in the end.

Hugs, Charlie

[Guest MsGsptlsnz]

Always remember this joke when dealing with medical people.

What do you call a Med School Graduate with a C average?

...

...

Wait for it...

...

...

Wait for it...

...

...

Doctor.

Yeah, there are some docs out there who wern't top of thier class and as such didn't get the job they wanted. So they wind up dong something that they dont' really love and that's life. The sad thing is they tend to take out there misery on their patients. I've had a few C average docs in my time and you really wonder why they don't just start painting houses or something that doesn't involve patients or patience.

Buck up, this is the gate keeper you need to deal with. Analyze what he said and come back with the answers he wants next time.

[Guest JamieJamie]

I suspect she thought I was an addict due to my appearance from the food poisoning. She mentioned during the meeting that they sometimes get "P" (Meth) addicts that acquire gender dysphoria. However I still don't feel it excused her attitude.

The new SOC recognizes that some TG people have fears of safety, they don't wish to be be targeted or discovered. This is my case as when I was young I suffered a great deal of abuse from classmates after I had been molested by older boys.

My wife has fears due to her cultural upbringing.

[Guest lostflower]

It's things like this that reinforce my position that headshrinkers are an annoying liability more trouble than they're worth

The Standards of Care were meant to be GUIDELINES not a gender therapy manual for dummies if the doctor is incapable of tailoring the method to each patient they are a useless incompetent

The Scottish government gave the NHS both barrels for not keeping up with their reading regarding the same developments in treatment

[Sally]

I am going to suggest that the insults and almost combative nature of this meeting were intentional.

Perhaps this is her technique (although in my opinion a very bad one) of getting you to defend your position that you are indeed transgender.

I cannot say that for sure but a lot of people like the argument and feel that it is the best manner of exchanging ideas rather than a calm discussion.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest JamieJamie]

I'm right there with you in that opinion Sally. I had the same feeling during and after the meeting. It felt as if she was trying to get a strong reaction out of me. But it is this type of treatment that the transgender community is trying to abate. I've already raised the issue with a member of a local support group and will raise it again at the next meeting.

[Sally]

I'm right there with you in that opinion Sally. I had the same feeling during and after the meeting. It felt as if she was trying to get a strong reaction out of me. But it is this type of treatment that the transgender community is trying to abate. I've already raised the issue with a member of a local support group and will raise it again at the next meeting.

Good for you!

I have seen that technique but I have never felt that it was the best way or to me even a good way.

Let people know that this is not the way that we want to be treated.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest JamieJamie]

The whole thing seemed so surreal to me. I'd been up nearly the entire night before with a bad case of food poisoning so I was tired, sore and nauseous. Before the appointment to tried to waste some time away watching some lighthearted movies but the food poisoning had taken a toll on my emotions and I found myself crying at every little event. I managed to somehow pull myself together enough to make a trip to the clinic knowing I could not get another appointment for two months if I missed this one. At one point during the meeting however I started to prepare to leave as I did not like the doctor's attitude, perhaps that is what she was trying to achieve.

[Guest Megan_Lynn]

JamieJamie I as well have had food poisoning twice in my life both times from pizza from same darn pizza place (and a few other minor ones in my life) . They had a habit of leaving the sauce out in the heat and well this did not agree with me at all. So I know the hell it can be to have this happen to you and can not imagine how tough it had to be to deal with udder stupidity from that person while still suffering from the effects of food poisoning. Almost sounds like she was looking for any reason to send you packing without help.

[Guest Deenah]

I had a bit of a related issue with my Gt. After a few minutes of her trying to break me,i caught on to what she was trying to do and reversed the conversation on her. She caught on rite away,but after she did i told her i was not here to play games and we can do this for the entire 50 minutes if she wants too. I don't recommend trying this cus they get really mad. I did this only for here to understand that i was well educated,and know how to handle difficult situations.After a few times she told me that she respected me challenging her. We have a very good relationship now. What you were saying would really make me want to walk out too,but from what i have experienced..I do believe that you were being challenged,and the GT wanted to see if you were going to be one to quit rite away when it gets tough. It was a good call on your part to stick it out Good job! There main concern is that they don't want to give you access to hormones and you just can't handle it when it gets tough. Not like Circus ride where it gets scary and you can just hop off. Just my thoughts.

[Guest JamieJamie]

Whatever their reason is for treating applicants in this manner it does not excuse them for treating anyone in an indecent manner. They still have the responsibility as medical professionals to treat people with respect. Here in New Zealand that is actually written into the patient's bill of rights. Being TG/TS does not exempt us from enjoying those same rights or from being treated decently in general.

[Guest JamieJamie]

Finally completed my therapist sessions. She has referred me back to the endo. Will wait for an appointment in a couple of weeks.

[Guest angels wings]

It's progress hang in there Jamie you will get there

Angel (((( hugs)))))

[Guest Melissa~]

Was that with the same therapist? For cryin' out loud, was the original session just a pressure and bluffing on their part? Odd indeed. My therapist has never been combative. My endo who works with my therapist was testy and did his own psychological review, then wrote a full HT regimen on the spot.

[Guest Paradox]

It is what it is. Adjust and adapt. Life is not easy. Human or animal, for most it is a fight on this planet just to live let alone thrive. Even plants have to depend on the luck of changing weather conditions for their survival.

I guess the point of this is that you are near the top of the chain of life. You get to choose and alter. Where you do not get your expected results, you reroute when possible. If unable to reroute, you change speed, lesson the impact on you. or power through. There is no one perfect answer because it is your life and your set of circumstances. With what you have presented as your current circumstances, I can understand a doctor's wanting to be sure in their mind before they enable you to alter your physical and mental life. Some just go about this badly (or cruelly. I will let you choose whichever word.)

Be strong.

Debra

[Guest JamieJamie]

It was the endo originally that gave me a hard time. I'll see a different endo this time.

[Guest Deena]

I never went to medical school but as I understand it, you must maintain at least a B average. C is equivalent to failing.

[Guest Jaques]

I am going to suggest that the insults and almost combative nature of this meeting were intentional.

Perhaps this is her technique (although in my opinion a very bad one) of getting you to defend your position that you are indeed transgender.

...............after reading Jamies post, this is exactly what went through my head and although not at all a happy experience, can be seen as positive in that Jamie was able to affirm her feelings and intentions..............