Idk what i am?

[Guest Morgan95]

I am sorry if i say something offensive or ignorant, i dont mean to.

I remember when i was little i always liked crossdressing. I rarely did this because i had no clothes and the few times i did i was yelled at and told that i was doing bad. Later when i was starting puberty and started to "like" people i noticed something else. When i am attracted to a girl i get all flustered and "put my foot in my mouth", but i noticed that sometimes when i saw a cute boy looking at me i would get a different feeling, it felt like my whole body got warmer and i would blush and get really shy, its similar to the way i feel around a girl im attracted to but its also different. I remember once when i was little my mother asked me and a few other boys at my busstop if anyone wanted to go to "the new factory that makes boys into girls" the others laughed at it but i got really excited and said me me me! Around the 9th grade i learned that boys transitioning into girls was very real, i researching more and more. Eventually i told my mother, who told my father, and even later on i told my biological mother who may have told my step father. My bio mom thinks i made it up for attention, my father chooses to pretend that he never heard, and my mother is the same way. When I became depressed they allowed me to see a therapist, i was uncomfortable with the first because he was a man, the 2nd was an older lady but i was still uncomfortable around her, eventually they took me to see a GT. I was with her for a few months until me and my mom got into a fight and she refused to take me anymore. Now every now and then i work up the nerve to ask her to take me to a GT again but she always dismisses it without any consideration. I do enjoy crossdressing and anything that helps me feel feminine which is extremely difficult seeing as i am a boy in late puberty. I have used makeup, nail polish, shaved, crossdressed. Whenever i picture myself 20 years from now (when im not putting alot of thought into it(i want to say instinctively but thats not it)) i usually see myself being with a man, but my image of me varies, sometimes i mite not rly be seen, i will see through my eyes, sometimes i picture myself as a woman but usually i see myself as a man. I usually dont even think about my gender and sexuality identy issues but every now and then something sets me off and i go and do more research. I think about it some usually sexuality but not putting much thought into it. But my personality isnt want i think of as feminine, idk if transgendered teens usually act more feminine or masculine based on whether they are boy or girl?

I cant think of any more information to add. So far on this site most of the responses to this genre of topic have been seek out a GT but until i am 18 and out of my house i cannot do that, please give me some advice, and if you need any more details please ask.

[Guest angels wings]

Hello Morgan Welcome to Laura's

There is an introduction forum , if you like you can make a small intro of yourself there . This allows other members to see you are new and welcome you also . We ask all our members to please read the terms and conditions . You can find these on the bottom right of any page . These rules are in place so we can all have a warm and safe environment to come and share . Looking forward to getting to know you .

Angel

[Guest angels wings]

Morgan I moved your last post to the introduction forum . Sorry I could not message you . After 5 posts you are able to rececive and send PM to other members . Thanks for your intro

Angel

[Guest DanD]

well, sounds like youve done what you could do so far, and told everyone too, so thats out of the bag now, dont need to fret over that again.

As you can see, since youre under 18 and live under their roof, youre kinda stuck with the parents at the helm of your ship for the time being. forums or chatrooms is a good idea for now..learn all you can, so you can find better and easier ways to go thru life.

[Guest Morgan95]

Like i said in the teen forum, i never went through "hell" during puberty, when i look in the mirror i feel ugly and it lowers my self esteem but i still dont describe it as hell, when i did come out to my mother i thought things would be better and i would get help figuring out who i am, gender and sexuality, but i was extremely crushed at the response i get, i cant quite remember what the exact response was but it was dismissive, i then slowly got the confidence to talk to her about it more and more with shorter intervals between. Eventually she let me go to therapy but you know how that ended already. I also said that i often go long periods of time without putting a lot of thought into any of this, but i thought it was weird that even when i havent put much thought into it for a couple of months, whenever i consider the question, "if i could wake up a girl would i?" the answer is always yes, i worry that i am transgender and i also worry that im not transgender, if i am i will go through transition which i've heard can be very difficult, if im not i will feel like i have wasted everyone who has been involved's time... I cant make sense of anything i feel, think, and do... Thoughts?