hi there i need advice please

[Guest spunky monkey]

hello,

as usual im stuck with feeling bad and feeling that its all my fault, let me just say that when you think nothing could go wrong it goes totally wrong and you end up in the back of an ambulance because your coping mechanism too deal with over load is too attempt suicide.....ill explain

on august the 13th 2011 my girl friend of 4 years asked for the keys back and sent me too live with my parents who enforce a strict our house our rules mantra and even though my mother knows my intentions too transition she is more worried about what the neighbours will think and calling me an embarrassment and a joke doesnt help my confidence any...i went a whole year transitioning and getting on with my life when my ex asked too be my face book friend and i asked her why and left my phone number, she rang me asking me how i was and asked if id like too try and get back together which is the reason for my last suicide attempt, if not for aura and arthur i dont think i would be here they wouldnt stop hounding me too get help.

my ex came too my house and has pretty much sponged the past 12 months of my life away i have no clothing, no make up and no choice but too be a guy,a guy with very small breasts and no wee wee ( lol )

i am still on hormones because i refuse too stop taking them and its straining our new relationship...am i a glutton for punishment or could this be what the doctor ordered...im not sure if i should be laughing or crying i was on the verge of changing my name and now it doesn't look like its going too happen, which is making me sad....

any advice would be appreciated and i thank you in advance

love rachelle

[JJ]

Rachelle-I'm sorry this is happening. Humans and their needs and reactions can be very complex and layered. My best advise is to see a gender therapist. IRL or online if one is not available near you. Some of the online charge a reasonable sliding scale. Be sure they are verified-there is a link to verified online therapists here at Laura's. If one doesn't work for you-as some won;t sometimes-then keep at it till you find one that does. You may feel you can't afford it but they cheap in the long run at any price compared to what making negative life choices costs.

There can be many reasons for why you put yourself in negative situations or end up there. It just isn't possible for us to even know ourselves sometimes without help or working through it. Many ultimately find a deep and buried transphobia that causes them to set themselves up and punish themselves-others are frightened of being alone or of rejection-on and on and on. Even if you don't end up taking your life you can waste it that way. Life has so much good and there is so much out there waiting-so please find a therapist and get to a better place where you can fully live and enjoy it

Hugs

Jpohnny

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Rachelle,

The dynamics between yourself, your ex, and your family seems quite complex. Suicide attempts are very very serious and I think you should look into this with a therapist to find out more deeply what is motivating you to engage in suicide attempts. I am not sure if I understand, but are you happy or unhappy about the prospect at getting back together with your ex?

Your parents must be starting to get on in their years. The day will come when they will need you more for their care.

The dynamics of your family will shift fundamentally. It sounds like your obstacles that you see are surmountable if you allow yourself to see the solutions.

If you find yourself feeling like hurting yourself again, please log into Laura's chat or forums and lets talk about this more.

Go to Laura's before you do anything that you will regret.

Love and Hugs.

Brenda

[Michelle 2010]

Hi Rachelle,

Your post touched me and I have been watching for the replies, I think others may feel as I do, that the situation you describe is unfortunate, but there isn't quite enough information presented to make an intelligent and worthwhile comment beyond what has been made.

To me its a little like one of those old psychology experiments where dots appear on the screen and the viewer is supposed to say when he recognises the image being presented; such as, a lionhead, or some such... In the situation you describe there simply isn't enough information...dots if you will... to connect to make a pattern where advice can be given.

While I don't know whether you are a glutton for punishment, it doesn't look to me what any doctor ordered. The only input I can give is that if your destiny is to become on the outside the woman you are on the inside, it doesn't appear she is assisting in that journey... All the complex stuff of how to pay the rent, who is helping who, and who is harming who, cannot be commented on based on the info you have provided. In other words, are you better off with or without these people in your life is your decision to make.

Hugs

Michelle