Confused with concerns

[Guest InnerGirl]

Im a 26 year old "guy" and as I mentioned Im confused, which is why Im here of course.

I would love to talk to a gender therapist but I have no money right now, nor do I know how long it would be until I could afford it.

What Im struggeling with right now though is whether I just love girly/feminine things or am I transgender?

I think I had a normal boy childhood. I dont remember ever being exposed to girl's toys or things as a kid, but I LOVED my cooking/kitchen set. Not to say that cooking is for girls only, but when I got a workbench playset, I never used it and continued playing with the kitchen set. As I got older I knew I liked girl's clothes, body spray for girls, and I remember looking through my mom's makeup, even trying it on. When I was in 6th grade I remember first thinking that I wish I was a girl. Id fantasize/dream about what it would be like to be a girl. I called a phone # for teens that needed help/advice, and told the guy I wish I was a girl. He gave me a # to call in my area but I was so nervous and scared I never did it. I never talked to my parents about it either.

I knew I loved feminine things and wanted to be a girl, wanted to use girly things, wear clothes, etc. but it seemed everytime I did use something like perfume, my parents shot it down, embarassed me, or said I shouldnt use it. So eventually I stopped and by the end of high school I got so focused on college and work I rarely thought of these things anymore.

I knew I wasnt really happy though and I never cared for shopping for guys clothes. Yet going to the mall was fun and every time I did I longed to shop in the girl's stores. I am and have been overweight since I was 10 and I had been thinking my unhappiness with boys clothes was due to my weight, and I thought my unhappiness in general was reliant upon me graduating college so I could get a good job and settle into life. Not to say I wasnt happy at all, I was happy, but not completely. I tried dieting a lot as well unsuccessfully.

Now recently, Ive lost my job, and my college life. I have a fiance(female) who accepts transgenders, loves my girlyness, and has accepted me completely. Since we have been together Ive become more open about liking girly things and shes made me feel so comfortable. It wasnt until I lost my job/college and started losing weight that I realized, its not these things that were my problem.

Ive had a lot of time to think not working or going to school, and Ive been thinking, wow I think I would really love to be a girl. When I lose all this weight, its not boy clothes I want to buy, I wish I could buy girls clothes. Wear makeup, have long hair, etc...

I talked to my fiance and shes understanding about it, but shes not sure if I am transgender, or just like girl things. She says I can be a boy but like girl things. So Im confused! I realize its not about interests that make the gender, so that confuses me more. I can be a boy that likes girly things, a girl that likes boy things, or both. This is why Im concerned. One day I would love to see a therapist and get a real answer on what I am, but in the mean time me and my fiance thought it would be a good idea to take baby steps. So first Ive bought a feminine bodywash to use rather a boy's bodywash, and Ive been using a girly chap stick that I love. We decided to continue taking small steps like this and see how far it goes until Im happy/comfortable. Anyway, Im sorry this is so long so I appreciate anyone who reads all of this, especially anyone who provides some advice, suggestions, or information. Thank you so much!

[Guest SusanB]

A lot of us went through the same thing, never went through with it earlier because i didn't know anything about it. Glad you're wiser about it than i have been for over 50 years ( that's a long time to hide your feelings )

Some gender clinics charged according to your income to see a therapist so you should make some calls

We're here for you either way