Passing denotes some one is failing?

[Guest Billie De]

I look at all this a little different then most as I am probably one of the more extroverted Sonadora talks about.. I can't stand the words/phrases.. Passing / Presenting.. Real Life Test

I prefer Accepted.. Blending...

Who on this planet is Qualified to to say that anyone else can pass as a women?

"Do I look like a Woman?" Really...Ask 20 people, "What does a woman look like?" I bet you get 20 different answers.

The real question you should be asking is "How do I see myself.. Do You have confidence in yourself, Once that confidence shows outward.. You will not care what the rest of the world thinks.

Don't Confuse Confidence with Arrogance.

Confidence (Strength) is Knowing who you are and aren't afraid to show it...

Arrogance (Weakness) is trying to convince other people you are something you're not..

Now I know we are all so worried about how outside society See us and Unfortunately to survive in this world we do have to pay attention to that but there is no pass or fail.

I see it as.. "Do I blend in.." Just like a Painting or Make up... When I Blend My paint on a Painting it just mixes in with the rest or the colors to make (Hopefully) a Beautiful work of art..

Sometimes, I don't really accomplish that and my art looks like dog poo.. Then other times it worked out just right and it's a masterpiece. No One ever knows I actually used that color on the painting as it Blends in harmony with the rest of its surroundings to make just one Complete Piece of Art..

That is How I look at myself in the real world... Do I blend in.. An every once in awhile, I will throw in that Bright Lime Green Tank Top and Purple Shirt to add some color to the dreary world.

The same goes for Acting like a Woman.. I Know woman from all aspects of life from the Prissy Beauty Pageant Contestant to the Hardcore Biker Old Ladies. There is no Mold on how to act like a lady.. Its only on how you feel.... Do you feel like a Woman??? Then Act how you feel..... Who's to Judge. Just be yourself....

"Do I sound like a Woman??" Now that is where there is some true Scientific proof that Men and Woman do sound Different. A lot of it is How we who were born in the wrong body were taught to talk by society, family and general conversation and obviously the Vocal Cords when it comes to pitch and octave levels.. Some women can change their voice pitch and resonance just by practice while others struggle with their voice, Just like anything else in in life.. Like me.. But just because I struggle with how I sound doesn't make me any less of a woman then the Woman that has to talk through a Reverb Amplifier because she had throat Cancer.

Now on to my Biggest Pet peeve of all.

The "Real Life Test"

What the hell is this suppose to be and what Self appointed, Self Important, Arrogant so called expert came up with this....

This has got to be the most demeaning, self humiliating pile of stuff out there. Ohh.. I have to pass my 1 Year Real Life Test before I can get my Letter for surgery. nonsense. My whole life is a Real LIfe Test.. i didn't wake up in the morning and say. "Hey My life isn't Difficult enough as it is.. I know Lets go out and tell the whole world I am a Transsexual.. Ohh That will make everything Ohhh So much Easier."

I can understand the therapy side to make sure you are mentally stable and just not into self mutilation among other things but Really... I have to live 1 year as my Chosen Gender to make sure this is what I want.. For Christ sakes people.. I have lived with my Chosen Gender my whole life.. It's just my Body for some reason didn't match my brain.. It's a Birth defect not a Moon Landing. No one ever seems to bat an Eye when someone has a Mole removed or Broken Arm set.. But I have to Jump through all these hoops to correct my birth defect then be treated like a second rate human by my insurance company.

Sorry..I'll Leave it at that for now as I can really get on my Soap box and the rest of that is for a different thread.

Edited May 12, 2013 by 4 Charlie
Profanities removed as were all cap "shouting" passages as per terms and conditions

[Guest Sarah Faith]

Billy I do understand your frustration, I wish I didn't have to wait another 10 months before I can even consider getting SRS. Unfortunately I have to say that I disagree, not everyone who initiates transition and eventually has surgery is ready for it, or can handle it. There have been cases of people going through with it and regretting it and wanting to go back but they can't because there simply arent many if any surgeons who are going to perform the surgery. I have no doubt in my mind as to my gender issues, but surgeons and therapists can't see into my mind so they best they can do is try to force some of us to give it some time in order to hopefully give us time to reflect. SRS is a major irreversible decision I think a year to reflect on the matter is probably a good thing. will it deter everyone who shouldn't have it done? No probably not, but it may keep a few from making a mistake. For the rest of us it's just 1 year of waiting and we are able to transition and work on every other aspect of our selves that people see.

Sadly there have been cases where someone was having a midlight crisis and decided to go through all of this and then regretted it. Lynn Conway listed some examples of those who regretted SRS that should give anyone at least a little bit of pause and self reflection.

As for the original spirit of the topic, I don't play these word games where we guilt everyone into using slightly different terms because the original term has become coarse to our ears. Passing, Blending, Presenting, it all really means the same thing when you get down to it and I'm just not going to play that word game. I understand how most of us are obsessive about our looks and the idea of not passing is heart breaking, but something that people need to keep in mind is that "Passing" is not just about looks. Tranwomen come in all kinds of shapes and sizes just like cis-women do, and I personally know at least one transwoman who didn't transition till later in life that isn't exactly the prettiest woman on earth. However she also passes very well, people do not question her gender. I have also heard of stories where very pretty girls do not pass at all because they have never spent any time working on body language.

Sure when someone asks us here if they pass it is born out of insecurity, and sure it may make others feel insecure as well but that is really more or less unavoidable. If it wasn't for the 800 "Do I pass?" threads I've read here over the years I might never have worked on the various aspects of transitioning that I have. So yes in that some pass, others can indeed fail at passing and it helps for them to be able to realize that there is a problem and seek advise or seek to improve their presentation.

Transitioning can be hard, and painting it as an incredibly easy path with no thorns is irresponsible at best. Instead of focusing on the semantics of words I would rather focus on actually helping the people who come here seeking advice or a shoulder to cry on..

Just my opinion though.

Big Hugs,

Sarah

[Charlize]

This is a great topic and i am feeling like jumping in with my 3 cents. I guess i always wanted to see a pretty woman in the mirror and as a kid that was my goal. Being pretty was and still is important to me. It's a matter of vanity. There is no reason for it other than that.

Women are all different. I think they are all beautiful when they smile. It took me a while to know and see that. I now share smiles when ever i can.

Passing is great with folks i don't know as it seems safer. It is certainly easier to move through life as one gender not somewhere in the middle exciting unwanted attention. With the people who have known me that will never be possible. They will always see something that no longer presents itself. i'll get the "he's". I wonder what would happen in the future if i went back. Would new friends "she" me? I don't think it matters.

Vicki is so right, am i happy? Have i found peace within myself? That is the important question. I'm not sure if that comes with any presentation. It comes instead from acceptance and the enjoyment of this beautiful moment.

I also find the idea of a "test" difficult to take. The test for me has been trying to find an acceptance of the fact that despite all that medical science can offer peace comes from within. If i'm not happy living as a woman before SRS i probably won't be afterwards. A year is not so much. Others in the past have lived their whole lives as a real life test. I'm just happy to be able to live as i wish although like all life there are certainly ups and downs.

Hugs,

Charlie