Issues with talking to family...

[Guest NoxNocturnus]

Hi, I am in the process of talking to my family and friends about coming out, 95% of them do not know anything yet. I'm stressed, scared and generally not having a great time with it. Now I'm feeling cravings like I haven't felt in years (been clean since 28th of Jan, 2000) and its keeping me up at nights, making parts of my day hell and gets worse after I talk to those that don't know yet (meaning I have to hide things from them). Simple things I used to do to help me just aren't working right now for it and I don't want to backslide into active use again :/

I would love any suggestions on things I can do to help alleviate this issue, besides, I don't think I have another run in me. I know I need to find a good support in my area (just moved back to where I live be, haven't been able to make it to a meeting yet and I could really use one.

Thanks for listening,

~Nox

[Michelle 2010]

I see you are new here. Welcome!

Michelle alcoholic here. I think you have the right idea about catching a meeting. The 12 step way of life is my Nav System through this minefield of Gender issues...

we have a cozy little meeting here at LP that meets Sunday nights, 6pm Pacific time. We have an intrepid little band of regulars and are punctuated by drop ins of the newly and nearly sober. It is free form chat with a purpose and we always share experience strength and hope. Additionally there is a formatted meeting starting up on thursday nights tho I am not sure if it had its maiden voyage yet.

the LP chat room has a different entry point and requires a separate registration plus a brief informal one on one with a mod there. The screening is to keep out perv's and predators and protect the young folks in the main chat room. If you want to joon us sunday, stop in first and get registered. Is pretty much Fun with a Purpose.

Hugs

Michelle

[Guest NoxNocturnus]

Thank you *hugs* yes, I'm new here, I was just informed about this website ear

Ire this week as a good source for information and support browsed for a few days before joining finally last night :")

Yeah, the program and steps have helped me tremendously in the past, I still remember coming out to my sponsor (he was the only me who knew me AND the truth about me for years, our group wasn't very lgbt friendly and he had suggested not saying anything openly in it for my safety and sobriety) damn I miss him right now. I miss having a sponsor at times like this period. Oh well, meetings do help and eventually I find another good one

Thank you for the online meeting time(s), hopefully I can get online and attend tomorrow night *hugs* I am a member of the lp chat, which room will it be held in (not community center right?).

Thank you again Michelle *hugs* I hope your having a great day

[Michelle 2010]

Glad to help out Nox. Thats what recovery is all about, right? give freely what was freely given...

If you scan down from the main Community central, it is alphabetical if I recall... The room is called Substance Abuse, or some appropriate name... No little triangle on the door, lol! Someone is always there precisely at 9 EST, 6 your time. A regular at the meeting is on your time zone and frequently dines during or after the meeting, not sure which... So just knock on the door, click your ruby red slippers together, and the white Rabbit will escort you into our world

Regarding sponsors, I agree they are quite important and no doubt that will work out. I am totally out at an lgbt meeting, my church and with friends. I am still coming out at some meetings, and a couple i will probably simply drop... Today a woman at my Saturday morning meeting asked me if I had curled my hair, it looked so nice. I think its time to come out there lol! about 6-8 of 40 folks at that meeting know... Heck, maybe they all do lol!!! If I'm wearing a Liz Claybourne sweater, earrings and long hair... go figure, huh?

So... look forward to seeing you sunday nite. The regulars do good work there. We have fun but if someone comes in hurting, we rally around and support. As a long time 12 stepper, you know that one of the best ways to get out of your own problems is to help others. You may find it a good fit.

Michelle

[VickySGV]

Hi Nox, I am the other Califoreigner that Michelle was talking about that shows up for the Sunday chats. I do know that there are some Gay/Lesbian NA groups in the Sacto. area that are friendly to Trans folk and there would not be the safety issues that there are in the straight ones. I used to work for the state, and had people I worked with who belonged to those meetings. I am in the So. Cal area and never learned exactly where the NA groups up there were, but I do know they exist. Actually I have to cut out for dinner at 7:30 our time to keep the old blood sugar happy with me, but we have a mixed group of AA (actually where I fit, but I did prescription drugs too soooooo!) NA, and mixed addicts, so never a dull moment while we are there.

[Guest NoxNocturnus]

@Michelle thank you, for everything. I unfortunately didn't make it to the meeting tonight, I was in an argument with a friend after I told them. Bruises heal, but the lost friendship pains will take longer to get over. I hope to make it to the next one and I look forward to seeing yo there

@Vicky thank you for the information, I will look into one of those groups to join. Personal safety is a bit important to me so knowing there are accepting groups in my area is very helpful, and would put much less stress on me knowing I can go to one and share anything and not have to worry about what happens when the meeting is over. Maybe next time i am in SoCal I'll get a chance to stop in a meeting and meet you

[Charlize]

Hi Nox, My name is Charlie and i'm another of the folks on Sun. My first sponsor was the first people i came out to. After 4 years at the same straight group i went as myself to a women's group. I was accepted! That got me dressing and going to a gay meeting. That is now one of my home groups. I've been full time for 6 months now and one of the reasons i lost my fear was the acceptance i found at my straight meeting when i came out there. Hope to meet you at the chat meetings. We do have fun.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest NoxNocturnus]

@Charlie thank you, I'm glad things worked put for you as they did *hugs* I look forward to meeting you in chat sometime

[KathrynJulia]

Hello Nox

I just thought I'd drop by and say hello. One suggestion that I would like to maybe suggest is talking to a Gender Therapist. Part of Gender Therapy is sometimes role playing and working on how to talk to people, about how to tell them in such a way that ellicits their support. The idea is to talk to them and use language that also mitigates causing any damage to your relationship whether it is a family relationship, or a good friend, a coworker, someone you go to school with, a boss or a coworker.

Gender Therapist are experienced in framing speech and the role playing allows you an opportunity to practice and become comfortable and familiar in how you speak to others about your feelings.

Before I get to rambleing on, I'd like to introduce myself. My name in KathrynJulia and a warm welcome to you for joining our little community. Just about any question you can think of, somebody around here can help give you an answer. You will soon discover a pretty tight nit community of pretty nice people here on Laura's. You will meet folks just starting out to people who have been way down this road many times.

Laura's is a moderated website. What that means is people have been selected to read all the posts presented here on Laura's and approve the content before approval. We have a list of Terms and Conditions that governs the site for the protection of all our membership. There are some not so nice folks in the world that bare ill will towards us. We have some pretty fragile members that could be harmed by these people. So we do ask all new members to please scroll down this page and on the right side a little further down, you will find the Terms and Conditions Tab. If you have not done so, we ask that you please read through them. We moderators enforce the Terms upon Laura's behalf.

So Nox, we have a huge amount of information plus hundreds of topics that you are welcome to jump in and express yourself on. You will find that soon you will be a veteran of Laura's and welcoming others. So please enjoy yourself. Kathryn

[Guest NoxNocturnus]

@KathrynJulia Thank you for dropping by and saying hi I am seeing a Gender Therapist, feelings are not something that is easy for me to express vocally (or at least express well) and as far as my speech goes, I'm usually either very quiet or I tend to sound like a dang technical manual or computer. But those are issues I have always dealt with, socially I am not great at dealing with people, the internet was actually a suggestion by a previous therapist to help me with dealing with others (no body language to misread in text). Thank you for the advice *hug*

Thank you for the welcome I am finding this site to be a great resource and a place filled with good people I did read the Terms and Conditions section before i joined (I do that before I join anything), I don't think I have violated it but thank you for recommending reading it, that is always good advice Unfortunately the world is full of hateful people at times, and I am personally very aware of the fact some people are holding ill will toward those who are different then what they feel people and the world should be and I am VERY thankful this place is moderated and monitored to keep people like that out, otherwise I don't think I would have posted anything here :")

Thanks again for the reply *hugs*~