Confidence When Buying Girl's Clothes?

[Guest JoshuaJennifer]

Ok, so I’m 15. I came out to my parents and friends as a cross-dresser in march, and it went pretty good I suppose. I had counselling from January to September so that helped a lot with my self esteem, I have a few good friends who stand by me and I’m accepting of myself, and my parents are even ok with it too with compromise. My only problem at the moment is confidence when going to buy clothes.

I have the luck that my parents said if ever I want to buy any girl's clothes when out shopping I can go off on my own for a while (since none of my friends ever go shopping I can't go with them), so getting to the shop's not a problem; it's just the actual confidence to buy clothes, I get really nervous, I’m sure you all know what I mean. I've managed to buy clothes once before (but I use the net mainly, although it has its limits) but I want to work on the confidence to buy clothes in shops in person. I'm generally a very nervous person, but hey, I want to work through this.

Any tips of advice on how I can be more confident when buying girl's clothes?

Thanks

[Sally]

Well, Jennifer,

The main thing is in the title of your post, confidence! If you pick out the clothing that you want without looking around nervously, trying to see who is watching you, no one will really notice and you won't have the clerks watching you as a shoplifter! They cue in on the nervous types!

Take your purchases to the counter and hand them to the clerk without any explaination or excuse - they probably won't ask, if they do just tell them they are a present for a friend (it's true - you are your own best friend) or even for yourself if you're that bold!

Just don't look nervous or appologetic and no one will really pay much attention.

One key thing - Break up the purchases! If you buy an entire outfit from undergarmets to shoes all at the same store at the same counter - they will suspect!

Women usually buy the undergarments on a seperate trip from outer wear and accessories - check it out! That's why women have to go to every store, not just because we love it, but because the store that carries our favorite bras sells the worst pantyhose and just forget about those ugly skirts!

Get the idea, when shopping for women's clothing - think like a woman!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest mia 1]

Exactly right Sally. Listen J.J.! I had the same problem myself and believe me your grandma is my age, finally realized the clerks are getting paid to sell not judge,a nd all they care about is their paycheck and maybe customer satisfaction. So present yourself as the charming person that you are and the clerk will take your cash or plastic, and you can be on your merry way.. Keep growing and experimenting... Best of Luck and Hugs,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Mia

[Guest cerise]

This is exactly true.

As well I had clerk read me and after that I used her to cash out when she was there . I avoid stores that have commissioned sales staff . I also go to used clothing stores as you can get some good stuff for cheap and nobody bugs you . There are usually resellers there so you just blend in . Keep the receipt if there is a return policy in case it doesn't fit.

[Guest Ashlee]

I have to admit, it is a bit nerving at first, but do what the others have said.

Here is what has worked for me:

I act like I'm buying it for my girlfriend/wife, they won't think twice

Ask questions! Does this top go with this skirt? Where are the skirts/dresses/etc. This really helps boost your confidence because your talking to someone that works there.

Lately, I even asked which fitting room they would like me to use (M/F). They suggested the mens - OK!

Now, I go into a store with hose, nice slacks, a sweater or blouse, and flats or heals and just shop!

It does get much easier the more you do it!

Ashlee

[Guest mia 1]

Great advice Ashley what a great addendum to this topic. You go girl and welcome to Laura' I see you have the neccessary 5 posts to start receiving pm's. congrats. Mia.

[Guest Amanda L Richards]

Hi Jennifer,

I know that feeling all too well. I think I have used every excuse in the book to cover my feelings of fear. It took quite some time for me to come around to say "Who cares and just do it!" I am still a little skiddish in the underwear section.

Before I would have gone full anxiety at the thought that someone knows that I am buying for myself.

But the others are right, if you do look nervous they will tag you as shoplifter or whatever comes to their minds when they are scrutinizing you. Lately it has been easy when I buy clothes.

I mean there I am a lone looking male standing right in the middle of the womens section where the jeans are and picking out different types looking at sizes, styles, and even checking out types of colors, all without a care in the world. I now have women try to squeeze past me in the narrow isles and look right at me and say excuse me or sorry if they bump into me. I even get a smile occasionally. But realistically I haven't received any hostile emotions from anybody.

I am still a little nervous but that is most likely just habitual response from before. I have found out that the more you do it the more natural it becomes and then it just doesn'T matter after that.

Your life is like climbing a mountain, and this is probably one of the rougher terrains to get through but the reward is that you can look back down the mountain and say "Wow! look how far I got!" Even if it is a small step, it is still something.

Next time you are in the store and buying for yourself I would suggest before going in take a moment and breath deeply, and in the silence of your mind set the intention that you are only going to focus on the task at hand, "FINDING WHAT YOU WANT" without losing that focus to the surroundings. This sort of helped me in the darkest moments of anxiety. When you do that enough, then it becomes habit.

Good luck Jennifer

Amanda.

[Guest Karen Kay]

Also, going back to the OP.. you can ask your parents if they wouldn't mind going to a different mall. That way, even if you get nervous, you can enjoy the trip without the fear of someone remembering you.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

All that is great advice. But at you age it is still very scary just to DO it. Just remember - the clerks are there to help everyone - even us transgender.

They like the money in your pocket [or purse - grin ], when it comes down to the bottom line.

When I buy things VERY female (breast forms - bras that need fitting - things that are obviously meant for my use, no other explanation), I say something like, "Can you help me? I am diagnosed as transgender and I am just starting to buy my wardrobe - and need some help." I NEVER have any negative reaction to that! The clerk is now your mentor. They apparently love to be confided in... donno why... women love to help other women, even people like us? Maybe?

DIFFICULT to do - but ATTITUDE - you need attitude. Real girls have to force their way sometimes - and the ones that have ATTITUDE usually get their way. Be a real girl - say "excuse me miss, but I need help here...." It works for me - grin