Ex-mormons

[Guest apostate79]

At what point did you decide that you needed to get out of the church? For me, it was when I was 17, shortly after I had received my Patriarchal Blessing. Up to that point and all through high school I was already starting to have more and more doubts, but that was the final moment for me. And the racism- not just the "official" racism of the church, but the casual racism of the members, especially my sunday school teachers and scout leaders, people in positions of responsibility and authority- some of them were bullies and complete rednecks who often subjected me and the other youths to their ignorant political views. Needless to say, such people inspired very little confidence or respect from me. By the time I was 17 I was still dealing with depression and issues with my self-confidence, and by now was also sufffering some confusion about my sexuality and trying to figure other stuff out, and I had to lie to my bishop about everything. When I received my Patriarchal Blessing after lying to the bishop, I was no longer merely embarrassed to associate myself with such a religion, now it had truly hit home to me how false and repressive the system truly was.

[Cyndee]

Good Morning,

I was raised in the church, I had no choice I had to go in my youth. Finally at about age 15 I asserted myself and stopped going, I just flat ran away from it. Oh the programming we endured, your entire life path was set out for you in their way, they had an activity for your entire life cycle, it was all part of the master plan and the collective (bee hive).

Being called into the bishop's office (we all got this) at around age 13, he would close the door, you knew what was coming, it was so embarrassing, that was his job to embarrass you about your body function and what you did, his mission to instill shame and guilt for having a natural human function (puberty), this meeting in the bishop's office stunk, I was trapped, I hated this when he asked "do you masterbate ?".

I experienced mean people in my ward (at times), kind of a redneck way of thinking, bullying, fights with sore losers would break out after church basketball games, I got in many fights at church (mostly on mutual nights) felt like I was having to defend myself in the house of the lord, it sucked. I also experienced "snobbery" the haves vs the have nots (nothing new there), people would be so judgemental and look down upon you. Oh this poor fatherless child, it was terrible. They used guilt as weapon of coercion. "We did not see you at Sacrament meeting last Sunday brother", there was always guilt, you never measured up, I could never be the ideal mormon in their eyes. You always fell short.

Cynthia -

[Guest apostate79]

Thank you Cynthia, I knew my experience wasn't unique. One of my older brothers has also gotten out, although the other members of my family are still active in the church, and me and my parents have come to a mutual understanding and respect about our beliefs. Of course, I am still not out yet, my mom *sort of* knows about my transgenderhood, and she has re-assured me that she will accept me, whatever path I take.

[Cyndee]

Thanks for sharing some of your experiences Apostate79. There were good things about my experiences in the church, I want to try and be balanced. I took away from all of this a work ethic, and family values, I still keep my faith (individual spirituality) I don't need others to tell me what to think or do with my life. I knew I was different, it was very confusing growing up, I used to secretly cross dress in my sister's clothes, I could never admit this to anyone in the church. I strongly recommend that anyone that has transgender feelings to NOT come out to any church officials. They are known to use "reparative therapy" on folks that do come out. This natural occuring human condition is "evil" in their eyes, don't waste your time coming out in the church, others advise the same thing.

Cynthia -

[Guest (Lightsider)]

43. I was active most of that time. I was pretty much raised in the church and that is the way it is for some members. They get roped in. I am glad for any one who gets away from this church at a young age. The thing about the church is they proclaim freewill is a vital part of Gods plan yet they do every thing they can to take that away from you through repetitive brainwashing techniques. The Mormon church is not unique in this aspect. There are many church out there that do this to their members. But few have it down to a science like the Mormon church does.

Like with any organization there are pockets of leaders who do actually get it. I was lucky to have a few leaders like that who understood who I was. But there were other leaders who did not get it that I encountered. I could have stuck with it and been a trail blazer I guess but for what? I was told that my situation was unique. They wanted to keep it quite because the general membership was not ready to encounter some one like me. I was also advised to not help the trans community because my situation was ...Unique and that others were not real situations. There were other things told to me beyond this that made me exempt from typical church court proceedings but I will keep that to my self for the time being.

I could not live with that... to silently trudge along in the church for the rest of my life. Basically I was accepted but I had limits on what I could do, while I was given greater latitude than most LDS trans...there was still a glass ceiling. I could never marry, go back to the temple, or partake in any callings. I do believe my leadership did see me as female. They were just as heartbroken when Salt Lake City said NO to record changes.

I did love the church. There are a lot of beautiful things about the church and it's people. But the fact remains that as an organization it is oppressive and hypocritical.