New; CD of MTF

[Guest TaylorTC]

Hello everyone I’m new here I made an intro thread it would be cool if you checked that out too. Anyway I’ve been going back and forth wondering if I’m trans or a CDer.. I want to know: Am I transgender? And. Should I do HRT? I know only a GT or therapist can diagnose me but I was hoping that you all could help me figure some of this out before I go to a therapist.

First I still live at home and haven’t told my parents anything yet so I can’t really ask them to pay and send me to a GT. I was planning to go to a regular therapist for depression and see if they could help. Is this a good idea? Can a psychologist/psychiatrist (what’s the difference? which do I need?) diagnose me?

Second, unlike many if not most transgender people I’ve heard of I haven’t always felt like this. This is all new to me. This makes me think I’m not truly trans. I found out about transgender people maybe two and a half years ago. I was on a particular image board and saw transgender males and though they were amazing and majestically beautiful. Like… unicorns (pun intended xD). This is also the start of my road to settling that I’m bi. In my intro I say that I only settled that I was bi and not just straight with some gay tendencies less than a year ago. Damn that particular image board….

What makes me think I am is I really want to be a girl! I think about it constantly. Every girl I see makes me think about it. I don’t feel I’m a girl in a boy’s body, I would just so much prefer being a girl. Something more resent is a feeling of gender dysphoria now that I’ve started cross-dressing. I always thought I was ok with my male body but now I hate it I hate my hair and I feel so much better as a girl. I mean.. I shaved all my hair off and I’m exercising. Me.. Exercising! I hate exercising. But I want my stomach flat to look better in my girl cloths… It’s only been four days and I don’t quite grasp how happy I am for some reason.

What I know is how I feel, and I do my best to express it. I’m not confused, I’ve done my research. Now I just need to put it all together. And I need help. I need to know what to do.

[Guest]

Hey Taylor, I am as confused as you are. About me and you. I started out young with feelings and I kept putting them aside for many years. Then for a lot of years I was exactly in the same spot as you. A slight difference was, I was grown and long gone from my parents. I still had a lot of external pressures to keep me in the closet. I didn't know what I was, just that I had a problem.

The reason I am confused about you is, I can't live in your head. I can't tell you yes or no, or what you are. Only you can do that. If crossdressing does it for you for the moment, that is a good way to stay under wraps and buy time. Some people make the mistake of, I think I'm a girl, therefore I want it all and I want it now. Sorry, it don't happen that way. Save the full speed ahead, damn the torpedos idea, for an old John Wayne war movie. First order of business is, get girl smart. Learn everything you can about everything female, before you make the jump. That is a two or three year process in it's self. It is a live changing event of great magnitude. If you say, well just let me give this a try for a while, think of it as walking off a cliff. You can't just back up!

The worst horror stories I have seen are, someone that thinks they are, has to have it all quickly, gets overwhelmed and decides they have ruined their life. They say no do this, I'm outta here! Then they find they make even more damage trying to repair the original damage. Move slowly, when you get girl smart, doors will open up for you or close to you. By then you will know who you are, what you are and where you are going. Back to me? Yup, you bet! I want it all right now, just like instant coffee. It is natural human nature to be impatient.

Others may be along here shortly with better insight and knowledge than me. That's my input for whatever it's worth. Hug. JodyAnn

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Taylor. I think you'll find that this is an excellent place to get information and support, and find some direction to your search for "the answer." But, as with JodyAnn, I can't tell you from what you've described if you are TS or CD or fall somewhere else along the "gender spectrum." Ultimately, only you can know that, usually with the help of a G.T.

As to therapists - I think your approach is a good one. If finding a gender therapist is not doable right now, then a general therapist could help. Some have experience dealing with trans patients, others may have read up on it quite a bit or received training. There is no degree in gender therapy, so anyone could hang out a shingle with "G.T" on it. Could a general therapist diagnose you? I don't know. Anything is possible.

One thing you asked about does have a definite answer. That concerns not having felt like a girl since you were very young. Many of us, perhaps the majority of us, have felt that way. But there are exceptions, and I know many who did not begin to have those feelings until puberty or later. There is no rule that says if you didn't feel that way from the age of 6 you're not trans. There are a great many stereotypes associated with being TG or TS. Please don't fall into the trap of feeling like you have to check off all the boxes on a form to "qualify."

Please do read through the forums that interest you, and pay particular attention to the pinned topics, as those are judged to have important and useful information. Post in any thread or any forum, but please read the site Terms and Conditions so you know how to play by "da rules."

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Sascha]

I guess no-one can know, but you.

It takes time to figure it out, lots of it. Take that time, it will be clear one day.

Personally I never crossdressed in my life.

My therapist said: "You must have".

I said: No, I never did.

My therapist said: "Everyone trans talk to crossdresses".

I said: I don't, I am female and female clothes belong to me, so how can I possibly crossdress? I can't. I hate(d) my body because I a female in the body of guy, that's the whole gist of it.

[Guest TaylorTC]

Thank you everyone. I'm so glad I'm here and I'm really excited to learn more about being trans and myself.

One thing you asked about does have a definite answer. That concerns not having felt like a girl since you were very young. Many of us, perhaps the majority of us, have felt that way. But there are exceptions, and I know many who did not begin to have those feelings until puberty or later. There is no rule that says if you didn't feel that way from the age of 6 you're not trans. There are a great many stereotypes associated with being TG or TS. Please don't fall into the trap of feeling like you have to check off all the boxes on a form to "qualify."

I wouldn't say I haven't had any feelings. Just not specifically the "I'm not a boy", "I'm a girl" "I want to be a girl" feelings till now. I've always envied girls though. I'm trying to think of more memories, maybe I'm forgetting something...

I am taking the time to figure this out. I talked to my mother and she's supportive of me seeing a therapist "for depression".

Is there anything more I could say? Something I left out that might help you better understand me? I know you all said it and I said it too only a therapist and I can know. But I'd still like to hear what you think.

Thanks everyone. And again I'm so happy to be here!