An absentee update

[Guest Amberley_Vail]

So Ive been absent from the forums for quite some time, and a lot had happened. Guess its time for a bit of an update.

The positives:

Ive managed to banish any lingering doubts Ive harboured about my feelings. I can now say I am 110% committed to a physical change. That means I could backpedal 10% and still be completely sure! =P

My therapists have told me that after my next appointment, Ill be having bloods taken and a course of medication looked at <- This is a big one for me!

The Negatives:

Ive experienced my first proper loss since I started coming out to people. Ill explain.

I got back together with my ex-girlfriend on 31st October. She identifies as pan-sexual and had all but guessed about my situation before we got together. Before we made it official, I told her everything, and she said she would support me all the way; she loved who I was inside. I was over the moon!

My second appointment with the Gender Identity Clinic was early November, so when I went to see my therapist, he said he was not sure about my path forward. I seemed fairly happy as I was at that moment, and could probably continue as I was, just a feminine guy.

I tried to convince myself that I could go one like that, and said as much to my girlfriend. She was happy that I wouldnt be going ahead with any changes, but she said thats because she was worried about the effect surgery and general anesthetic would have on me considering Im already asthmatic.

Anyway, New years eve came and she proposed to me. I was dumbstruck, but accepted. We came to a compromise that we'd have a long engagement since I was in no position to commit to the necessities of a long term relationship right now.

All this while I was still trying to believe I could live as just a guy with a girly side. However, something just snapped around mid January. It hit me that trying to live like this forever would end VERY badly. I told my fiance that I would have to go ahead with treatment.

Well the midden hit the windmill.

As soon as I said Id have to cut back on the holidays she would plan for every other month, since Id have to part pay for my treatment, I was being selfish. I was a horrible person. I was the villain of the piece. Rather than come to a compromise, i was promptly dumped by text message, and blamed on facebook to all our mutual friends.

Ive told the real story to a few people that I want to know, but as I said, thats the first real time Ive lost somone as a result of my transition.

[Guest Robin Winter]

That's unfortunate about the loss, but to be honest, she didn't sound like she was ready to make that sort of commitment to me. That was a very immature reaction, in my opinion. It's one thing to have concerns, and even to react strongly, but to make a public spectacle on facebook is a very childish thing to do.

I'm happy other things are moving forward for you, I wish you the best

[Guest angels wings]

Thanks for the update , in glad good things are coming your way . Sorry to hear about your relationship (((((((hugs)))))

Angel

[gennee]

I'm sorry about the breakup, Amberley. To go public on facebook is a bit much.

[Guest miss kindheart]

Welcome Back

<<< hug >>>>

vanna

[Carolyn Marie]

Amberly, I can certainly sympathize with being embarrassed via the Internet. That was a childish and spiteful thing for her to do, however she felt about you. I wouldn't blame you for burning bridges, but it is possible for people to change their tune after they've had a chance to think about it for a while. You never know for sure.

Congrats on getting through the NHS maze and coming out in one piece. I know from talking to many of our UK members here how hard it can be. Good luck with everything, and I hope you can find someone to fill that hole in your heart.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie