Indentity Crisis Anyone?

[Guest Jackson]

As I was working out last night, I happened to be reading an old copy of an entertainments magazine (for the political cover story) and came across a little story about Savannah Knoop and posing as a "transgender ex-prostitute" JT LeRoy. In the end Savannah Knoop began suffering from an identity crisis because of this pretending to be this "alter ego". Apparently she and her sister-in-law created this character and fooled the press, publishers, and celebrities.

Which then reminded me of the book entitled "Self-Made Man" by Norah Vincent. I don't know if anyone heard about this book, but when it first came out, I was really interested in it. Vincent is a reporter who decided to go undercover, as it were, and live as a man for 18 months. Now, if anyone is interested in reading the book, let me know. I'll mail anyone my copy free of charge (that is, if I can find it in the disaster I call a closet). It really was not a good book. She went into the whole "experiment" with a lot of biases that she should have left behind. But, in the end, she ended up having a nervous breakdown or something that led to her going voluntarily into a mental institution. Her new book "Voluntary Madness" is about the second part of that experience.

Anyway, what I'm curious to find out is that here are two people relatively secure in their gender roles in life, albeit not totally heterosexual. And I was idly thinking, while I was working out, about the transgender community and identity crises. I don't remember going through an identity crisis per se. I did have the stress of gender dysphoria, but not identity crisis.

I didn't know if anyone had experienced an identity crisis. I didn't know if we, because of the dysphoria, deal with our identities differently than these two women did. Or maybe because we're more "on the fringe" that no one talks about it. Or maybe like the quote "There's a fine line between genius and sanity." that we just walk that line because there's that standard deviation on the intelligence scale regarding trans folks.

Or maybe I am just thinking way too much about a couple of people who I really shouldn't be wasting my time thinking about. But it just kind of annoyed me that someone (like Savannah Knoop) would be insensitive enough to do something like this.

[Sally]

I have never had an identity crisis. I have always known who I was, I didn't always understand it, by I was never thrown into crisis and questioned who I was.

Now some of the people that I have come out to have suffered from an identity crisis for me - they are truly confused and can't quite get a handle on it.

If you've made it this far wouldn't it be easier to just go on this way? Not really everyday is harder to pretend to be masculine at work and with each day the drive to correct this condition strengthens.

Identity Crisis? Not for Sally just for everybody who has known ---- him (the Puppet).

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Evan_J]

I think I might have had one (maybe) but not in the expected way. While I was married I went through wondering if my wife actually loved "me" or just because I was male though female in body. And so, to "test" her in way, I swung the other way -didn't present male- to see. In the end though I did have some sort of crisis just because I was increasing my own dysphoria (and severely in the end) to try to prove it. Like I said, not really what you were probably looking for but as close as I could think of.

[Guest Cody_T]

Isn't being trans almost an identity crisis by definition? Because unless you've been adamantly convinced since you were born, you're gonna have spent time doubting whether you're insane and whether you can live as your birth gender and whether you're making it up and whether you're really a guy or girl or w/e. Even if you just don't realize that you're trans, there's that whole time of conflict between your body and mind which can't be good for identity. I think it's really telling that these people had that experience, because it's like a confirmation that being trans is really traumatic. Vincent spends a year and a half *acting as* the wrong gender, and has to go to mental hospitals- let's try a whole life *stuck in* the wrong body. I do think that trans people, especially the ones who can make it so long before transition, learn to cope early on with identity issues. And thanks to the strong social indication that we are who everyone else says we are, it's probably much less shocking than for someone who's spent their life having their identity affirmed to have it suddenly reversed. So I'd say, yeah. We've all had identity crises, whether we know it or not- but we've survived them better because we never knew anything other than our identity crisis. I'm sure you can have a more legit and recognizable identity crisis on top of being trans, but that would be a lot rarer because what else is as deserving of one?

[Guest Jackson]

I can't actually believe I spelled identity wrong.

I just found it kind of interesting that these people did have identity crises while portraying people they weren't. I've not really heard too much in the way of identity crises here on the forum. It seems more that we know who we are, but there is a definite problem between how the mind/brain is and how the body is.

For the good or the bad of it, I've always known who I was. I didn't always know that there was a definition of it though. Although when I described my childhood to my therapist and the fact that I thought everyone was the same way I was, she thought that might have been what saved me from more destructive emotions.

This was more an observation and an interesting tidbit or two to share than anything else.

[Sally]

Don't worry about the misspelling, our minds tend to tell us what our eyes see. We all saw it and new what it was. That is how so many unlikely candidates manage to pass, we present as our true gender with confidence and that is what people see.

If I misspelled anything in ther, just let your eyes work it out!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Jackson

Great topic!

Me? No I don't think so.. I mean..

Shut up LIZZY

Hey ... let me finish..

You are always pushing me aside...

Oh you aren't an IDENTITY CRISIS- you area a split..

I said SHUT UP.

Now who are you again?

I once thought I was a chicken. Nobody would help me. I guess they needed the eggs...

Friday and it is late - go home LIZZY

Seriously? I don't think so. I once thought I was a man who thought she was a woman - but I turned out to really be a woman who thought she was a man who thought she was a woman. Does that count?

(I am the walrus - koo koo ka choo)

I SAID GO HOME!

Kelly Ann helped me with this posting.... grin

THATS NOT TRUE

[Guest Kelly Ann]

being a good little sister I took the liberty of putting Lizzie's name on her ankle braclet...I have one for my wrist so I ALWAYS know who I am...if not where...there was a book a veeeery long time ago called "Black Like Me" that was very similar in the outcome...it was a very powerful story as I remember. Fragility is a very human condition...maybe most of us have just gotten more mental (Sally I am not that...errrr) ly...callussed than most as a defensive mechanisim. Just a thought, Kelly Ann

[Guest Evan_J]

wow I love y'all lol

[Sally]

The author of "Black Like Me" also suffered from severe reactions to the chemicals that he used to turn his skin dark - the rummor was that he died from it, but then Alphalfa was shot down in Korea and the Beaver was killed in Viet-Nam - don't let that Jerry Mathers impersonater fool you!

Like Mark Twain said, "The reports of my death have been greatly exagerated."

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Martin]

Jackson, I might be interested in the book. I'm saying "might" because I am curious about it and want to know what everyone is talking about - BUT I'm not sure I could get through it because it'll probably make me very, very angry. So if you come across it and want to get rid of it and have no other takers, PM me and send it to me.

I'm trying to figure out if I had an identity crisis. I mean, I definitely had mental health problems BECAUSE I was living a lie/had unresolved body issues/what have you. Some of my mental health problems are independent from that, but I definitely had some directly tied to not realizing I was transsexual and then again because I hadn't transitioned. Then when I first came out to myself, I had a panic attack. I was so overwhelmed by the knowledge, by the fear of others' reactions, and by the fear of financial and medical risks. Also, my world view collapsed. Almost everything I thought I knew about gender and feminism was wrong. I spent months trying to find a new label for myself. I tried on crossdresser, genderqueer, transsexual, and many others. That might count as an identity crisis. However, this "crisis" was not the cause of my problems; it was the first sign of daybreak. It was the path that lead me to a deeper understanding of myself and allowed me to start living as myself.

[Guest Jackson]

You got it, Martin. I can look for it if you want me to. I really didn't get mad from the book. I was more disappointed in her as a reporter and a writer. I've been writing for most of my life and thought that she could have done a lot better job than she did.

[Guest mia 1]

As far as identity crises is concerned, I'm going to get specific. Some people may be having an identity crises me included.

But when I read posts by Jackson or Evan I'm having no problem identifing them as male.

When Evan went in for "surgery down under" I totally forgot he is in transition. My thought was "cool'' and then I went back to his full male identity.

With Jackson, I never even knew he was FTM I just assumed all along he was a guy,writing his thoughts and views for all of us to read and observe.

Some have resolved their conflict and are living within themselves, whatever that means,and through most of my untrained and non scientific mind, it seems to be working better in the FTM group,so I know I left names out, but go ahead and write in your name you've earned it.

As my wife would say that is a sweeping generalization, so respond MTF's and let me know what you think...............

[Guest Jackson]

As far as identity crises is concerned, I'm going to get specific. Some people may be having an identity crises me included.

But when I read posts by Jackson or Evan I'm having no problem identifing them as male.

When Evan went in for "surgery down under" I totally forgot he is in transition. My thought was "cool'' and then I went back to his full male identity.

With Jackson, I never even knew he was FTM I just assumed all along he was a guy,writing his thoughts and views for all of us to read and observe.

Aww, Mia. That's sweet of you to say. Gave me a warm fuzzy. Kind of like when Squirt walks by me rubbing up against me and the static electricity sticks my jeans to my leg.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

As long as he doesn't do his name on your leg!

OOOOPs - sorry, thought my medications woulda kicked in by now. Hummmmm. .. Lord help me I love you guys!!!!

Lizzy

[Guest Jackson]

Lizzy, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Nah, all he likes to do is walk past me while I'm doing something and rub his side. Kind of like a cat. Someday I'm sure one of us will burst into flames from the static electricity. Hasn't happened yet though.

[Sally]

I think of an identity crisis as wondering who you are and where do I belong in a greater sense than just which gender. As far as my wondering goes I have always felt secure in my place in the universe, right here in the "unfashionable Western end of the Great Spiral Galaxy, circling an insignificant star, on a small planet inhabited by ape-decendents who still thought that digital watches were a great idea!" Thanks to Douglas Adams. Seriously, I have never spent anytime worrying about who I was, Lord knows I've spent time worrying about everything else! Even while denying my transsexuality I never had any doubts as to who I was, just how to fit in. It comes not only from having a positive attitude but also believing that you are always right!

Love ya all even those horribly incorrect people that don't agree with me,

Simply Sensational Sally

[Guest Jackson]

Seriously, I have never spent anytime worrying about who I was, Lord knows I've spent time worrying about everything else! Even while denying my transsexuality I never had any doubts as to who I was, just how to fit in. It comes not only from having a positive attitude but also believing that you are always right!

Love ya all even those horribly incorrect people that don't agree with me,

Simply Sensational Sally

Exactly, Sally! That's where I've always been. And just assuming that everyone else was just like me.

[Guest Zabrak]

Honestly, I always knew who I was. I am Kyle. The only problem was if I could get the guts to take the steps I needed to be able to be myself everywhere - even offline. I think I stayed half-sane through alot of my years growing up by being able to be myself online atlest. However, at some point only being able to be myself half-time broke me down and started to rip me a part.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Seriously?

Hummmm... when has that ever happened?

I TRIED to be split into a male side and a female side. It just wouldn't work. I thought I could be male in body some of the time (normal presentation) and female in body the other part (female presentation - cross dressing).

Then I discoverd I had a female soul - and a female mindset - the male part was play-acting

So I gave it all up - the split part idea - and decided I will just be female all the time. I just need to get the body fixed up a bit...

This seems to be similar to everyone's story here.