My MTF Story

[Guest sophia.gentry58]

My story, like everyone else who have shared their story of where it all began for them, is not so dissimilar. As early as I can remember (5 or 6) I always had thoughts of what it would be like to be a girl or why could only girls hug one another, hold hands, or be able to wear both dresses and pants. However, it wasn't until I was a pre-teen when I found a book on the ground in my neighborhood. It was an adult novel, absolutely no pictures, but since I loved reading, that was just up my alley. The novel entailed a man being shipwrecked on an lsland that was inhabited by a bevy of beautiful women. Long story short, this began for me a long journey of endless hours of fantasies, first, me fantasizing about being that man with all the different women, then with me fantasizing about being a female being with other females, finally, with me fantasizing about being a woman being made love to by the man. From that point on my thoughts were constantly on wanting to be a female.

Around age 15 I got up the courage or could no longer hold back the urge, to get a pair of my mother's pantyhose and put them on underneath my regular clothes and carried on with my day. Later that day as I was sitting watching televison with my twin brother and mother, my brother noticed what I had on and of course blurted out my not-so-secret, secret. That embarrassing event did not stop me or help me to not think about wanting to be a female, but I did not attempt to wear female clothing again until much later in my early twenties.

At age 27 I married a woman whom I loved and not because I had a desire to cover up my hidden proclivities, for I was also a very active heterosexual at the time. However, I just could not shake the uneasy feeling I had about a part of me I considered to be my female side. This of course led me or better yet drove me to seek fulfilling certain urges outside of my marriage. One thing led to another and my wife found out about my interludes. At first she was understanding of it all and even gave me some of her panties to have, but she later viciously reneged and our marriage has never been quite the same since. It came to a point in our marriage that my wife decided she wanted to leave and pursue her life elsewhere. I chose that time to really get into my womanhood. I went on a shopping spree and bought a bunch of female clothes, underwear, and toiletries. I began going out for the first time dressed as a female. I cannot describe how absolutely exhilarating and liberating it was to be in public in makeup, dress, and heels. I only wished I had done this much earlier in my life when I had youth on my side.

My wife came back into my life with my promise to her that I would let go of the female lifestyle. I threw away about $3,000 worth of clothes that day only to later regret it of course. Things got so bad with my urges to be female I started secretly wearing panties again, every day. I would wash up with my wife's feminine bodywash and deorderant on a regular basis. I decided that none of what I was doing was normal and so I made an appointment with an Hyphotherapist. My wife was away at the time and it was my desire to confess everything to her once I got my head straight with the therapist. However, she came back from her trip early and wanted to know where I was going on a Saturday morning. Once I told her she insisted not only in coming along with me but sitting in on the session as well. Needless to say it was quite awkard for me to have to give sordid details about myself to a strange woman while my wife sat and listened.

It has been a month now since that trip to the therapist and after 28 years of marriage my wife has called it quits. I truly regret that I was unable to be the kind of husband she wanted. We have, for the moment, decided to stay married for our children's sake, but she no longer wants me to ever touch her again from a husband's perspective. As she puts it, we will be like girl friends. She intends on finding her someone to date and she tells me she doesn't care anymore what I do as long as I don't endanger her or the children.

So this morning I begin anew; with my cute bow laced panty on under my business suit, I will start this journey no longer with guilt or remorse. If this trip should end with a full blown SRS, then so be it. Where ever my road leads, I'm determined to enjoy discovering the full range of my femaleness.

Sophia Gentry

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Sophia. I hope you don't mind, but I moved your post here to the Intro Forum so more people would get a chance to meet you and say hello.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I agree that many here will find commonalities with your life. I'm sorry that your marriage has effectively ended, but perhaps both of you will have a chance to find the happiness you deserve.

I think a wise thing to do now would be to find a gender therapist, to help you discover the best path for you to travel. Ultimately, only you, with a little advice from an experienced GT, will know the right road for you. In the meantime, please explore the forums here, post in any threads that interest you, and ask any questions you like. We'll do our best to provide good answers. I do ask all our new members to please read the site Terms and Conditions, as they help us keep the site safe and friendly.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Angel Heart]

Cuteee! thank you for sharing your lovely story. everyone has their own unique story to tell

i am sorry your wife couldn't take it, but at least she did not completely leave and abandon you, like it sometimes goes.

im glad you could come to terms with yourself

[Guest Mia J]

Hello Sophia and welcome to Laura's. We are happy to have you join us on the forums.

Thanks for the great introduction and you story sounds like a lot of us here.

You should find the forums a safe place to share with other members.

Looking forward to seeing your posts.

Mia

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Sophia,
<<< hug >>>
Welcome to Laura's Playground.
Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.
The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.
Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.
One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.
We all look forward to seeing you.
vanna

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Sophia,

There are so many parallels in your life with mine I thought that I was reading about myself.

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Hugs.

Brenda

[Guest sophia.gentry58]

I want to thank all of you ladies for your support. Reading your replys made me feel emotional, in a very feminine way. Thank you so very much, I have been looking for a long time for a family that would accept my desires to be a female on the outside to match my womanhood on the inside. I sense that Laura's Playground will become near and dear to my heart.

Sohpia

[Guest sophia.gentry58]

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace" Jimi Hendrix

I want to thank all of you ladies for your support. Reading your replys made me feel emotional, in a very feminine way. Thank you so very much, I have been looking for a long time for a family that would accept my desires to be a female on the outside to match my womanhood on the inside. I sense that Laura's Playground will become near and dear to my heart.

Sohpia

[Guest Amber Lynn]

Hi Sophia!

I know I'm late to the party, but I wanted to give you a proper welcome as well!

Although I'm sure it was tough, it sounds like your marriage's spiritual (if not official) end was for the best. Your posts shine with a positivity towards finally being able to find your female self, and your optimism makes me smile!

Congrats on starting your journey, and welcome to Laura's!

Love,

Gina

[Guest angels wings]

Hello Sophia Welcome to Lauras . Thank you for sharing (((((((hugs)))))

Angel

[Guest sophia.gentry58]

Thank you so much Gina and Angel for making me feel welcome; you two warm my heart.

Sophia

[Guest Jamie_cd]

Hi Sophia and welcome! I'm sorry to hear that your marriage has taken a bad turn but it sounds like this is the start of something really great for you! Good luck on your journey

[Guest sophia.gentry58]

Thank you Jamie, I intend to make the best of this new life of mine in which I am embarking.

Sophia

Hi Sophia and welcome! I'm sorry to hear that your marriage has taken a bad turn but it sounds like this is the start of something really great for you! Good luck on your journey

[Guest london39]

I am very new at identifying myself. Your story was very inspiring. I too have always considered myself as a boy growing up. I'm almost forty and am starting the process. I legally changed my name and I'm going to start intensive counseling before starting hormone treatments.

[Guest sophia.gentry58]

I am not sure of the order of things with respect to HRT, counseling, name change, etc., but for you to make the legal name change before starting hormones or counseling sounds mighty brave of you honey. You keep pressing toward your dream.

Sophia

I am very new at identifying myself. Your story was very inspiring. I too have always considered myself as a boy growing up. I'm almost forty and am starting the process. I legally changed my name and I'm going to start intensive counseling before starting hormone treatments.

[Guest ricka]

I can't imagine any of us making our journey without tumult and heart breaks but each of us must become who we were born to be and unless we do, there is nothing that is real of ourselves which we can give to others.

Miss Ricka

[Guest sophia.gentry58]

Very true Miss Ricka, very true! Thank you honey.

Sophia

[Guest marissa anastasia1]

Dear Sophia,

Welcome to Laura's and it's interesting how you point out the inconsistencies in our society concerning gender and you saw that at a very young age....I'm so sorry things are not working well with your wife but false hope notwithstanding maybe she's testing your resolve...keep pressing on as you have already.

Much Love,

Marissa Anastasia, aka Rissa

[Guest sophia.gentry58]

Dear Sophia,

Welcome to Laura's and it's interesting how you point out the inconsistencies in our society concerning gender and you saw that at a very young age....I'm so sorry things are not working well with your wife but false hope notwithstanding maybe she's testing your resolve...keep pressing on as you have already.

Much Love,

Marissa Anastasia, aka Rissa

Thank you Rissa, I have no other choice but to keep pressing; to stay in this life means death to me and I want to live!

Sophia

[KathrynJulia]

Hello Sophia:

It's very late and I need to find my bed, but I just wanted to welcome you to the playground and hope you enjoy living within this loving and wonderful community. You really have found a home where you can explore and decide on where your life is going here on Laura's. Pretty much all of us share many common points in our own stories.

So thank you for introducing yourself and I hope to see you around. My name is Kathryn and it's so very nice to welcome you.

[Guest sophia.gentry58]

Thank you so much KathrynJulia, I really do feel home here and that is why when I welcome a new member to Laura's I try not to fail to let them know that they are home and we there family!

Sophia

[gennee]

Hi Sophia and welcome. I read your story with great interest. It took my spouse to feel comfortable about my being transgender. I have no plans to transition but have left that door open.