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Surviving The Break-up


Guest Emily.SoCal

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Guest Emily.SoCal

Hello peoples,

When I joined this site some months back I was in a loving relationship with a woman who accepted me as a transgendered person. Or at least that's what I thought. After years together she left me over Christmas. Her reasons mostly involved non-gender-related issues, however, she did tell me she broke up with me partially because of my gender issues.

This really hurts. The good news is that the suicidal depression and other fallout has passed, but I'm still in a lot of pain. And I have no support system IRL other than my gender therapist. I really need to find a support group here in Los Angeles County. I've checked out the resources page on the main site and done some Google searches, but I'm not having much luck. If anyone knows of any groups in this area, I'd really appreciate any info you could provide.

I'd also really appreciate any feedback in general on surviving a break-up for someone like me who has been in this delicate period of transitioning and basically been abandoned by their #1 ally.

Thanks in advance for your input,

Emily

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Guest Sofiadragon

I have been through many breakups in the past & the only thing that I can really say that you should do is not to look back into the past but keep looking forward 'cause that is the only way that you can get past this. I hope that, that helps out.

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Guest RainBird

Hi Emily,

It is never an easy situation to get over short term and I'm definately no expert but please try to think positively and find some time to go to a nice peaceful outdoor location (like the beach, harbour, river or a park/nature reserve for example) or even get right into an interest or hobby your really enjoy, these kind of things help to relax, stimulate and clear the mind which really helped me through some bad dwelling phases, my ex BF broke up with me last year because I'm a girl and he liked guys..

You have used your strengths to overcome the depression fallout and suicidal tendancies which is great news, this shows me you are stong.

I believe in you, things will only get better k, why?.. Because you deserve it! ;)

xo

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Well I can tell you what I did, mine walked out just before Thanksgiving. With all of the same build up and her main concern was that I might leave her, her family got involved and she went to work one morning, went to lunch with one of her sisters and pulled her paycheck out of our joint acount, never admitted to that that evening when I told her that I was unable to pay a bill that day because her check disappeared, left for work the nest morning and when I got home from playing a job until 12"45 she wasn't there - hasn't spoken one word to me since - if only the rest of the family would be so kind! :P

I sat on the side of the bed for a few minutes and decided that I could sit there and be miserable or I could do my whole PollyAnna thing and play the glad game all I had to do was find something to be glad about. It didn't take too long as I was taking off my Tux and hanging it up I looked at that closet full of men's clothing and I started imagining it full of skirts, dresses, tops and scarfs and I realized she was in my way. Not the loving, caring partner that we all desire but a brick wall blocking the way to my transitioning and the end of this inner conflict!

Look forward and remember that all things happen for a reason, I found this site and realized that I am happy when I am helping others, I started doing it so much that they made me a moderator - I am apreciated! I feel good about myself and I am moving forward - once the divorce is settled and I know if I have a house or not, I will begin my hormones either way - no one is going to keep Sally closeted away any more!

She left and gave me my freedom to be Me!

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest DeniseNM

Emily sweetie I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a breakup right now. I know it is hard but I also know you can get through it. I glad that you said the suicidal depression has passed (that is a big thing). The best thing I can tell you is that you just find things to do and people that will support you (even if they are only on here - because we all love you here). Keep looking for and at the sunnier side of life and remember that life is a journey and not a destination.

Big {{{{{{HUUUUUG}}}}}} to you

Denise

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Guest Sofiadragon
Well I can tell you what I did, mine walked out just before Thanksgiving. With all of the same build up and her main concern was that I might leave her, her family got involved and she went to work one morning, went to lunch with one of her sisters and pulled her paycheck out of our joint acount, never admitted to that that evening when I told her that I was unable to pay a bill that day because her check disappeared, left for work the nest morning and when I got home from playing a job until 12"45 she wasn't there - hasn't spoken one word to me since - if only the rest of the family would be so kind! :P

I sat on the side of the bed for a few minutes and decided that I could sit there and be miserable or I could do my whole PollyAnna thing and play the glad game all I had to do was find something to be glad about. It didn't take too long as I was taking off my Tux and hanging it up I looked at that closet full of men's clothing and I started imagining it full of skirts, dresses, tops and scarfs and I realized she was in my way. Not the loving, caring partner that we all desire but a brick wall blocking the way to my transitioning and the end of this inner conflict!

Look forward and remember that all things happen for a reason, I found this site and realized that I am happy when I am helping others, I started doing it so much that they made me a moderator - I am apreciated! I feel good about myself and I am moving forward - once the divorce is settled and I know if I have a house or not, I will begin my hormones either way - no one is going to keep Sally closeted away any more!

She left and gave me my freedom to be Me!

Love ya,

Sally

My ex was the same way, the woman that I have been w/ for the past 2 years, almost 3 actually has been more suportive about this than anyother person that I have met but something is in the back of her mind that she won't tell me & it has me worried. I don't know what to do about it.

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Emily: You said you have a gender therapist. Surely your G.T. has a network of support people or orgs. that you can call on a regular/daily basis. Try that at first, if there is no help there then google L.A. County Gender Transitiong support Group. That'll take you to the web sites and the info you need Mia.

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Guest Emily.SoCal

Thank you so much for the support, girls!!! Every little bit helps. I was really too depressed to even post here for awhile. I was in doubt about everything. But I'm really glad I came back. :)

Sally: Our situations sound extremely similar -- in both the negative and the positive. Some girls have pretty sh- crappy timing, huh? I hate when bad stuff happens over holidays. On the upside, I had been sensing this freedom you mentioned. I'm moving into a new apartment as we speak and I'm looking forward to just having the space to be ME. Whenever I want. And all that closet space is going to be nice too! Speaking of which, I just remembered I need to go buy tops at the Gap before the sale ends! :lol:

mia: Thanks for the Google search. I had tried that search and refined it further to "los angeles" transgender "support group" and still didn't come up with much. Sure there are groups mentioned but they all seem to be for some demographic I don't fit. For example, transgendered teens, transwomen of color, transpeople with AIDS, or FTM groups. I've still got more results to go through, but it seems really strange that in a city of this size I didn't get a ton of MTF-relevant results on the first page. Hrm. Oh, and yeah, I did ask my therapist, but her initial response was to search Google. That's kind of bugging me. I emailed her about it again last night (we first spoke of it weeks ago) so we'll see what she has to say.

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Guest Kelly Ann

Hi Emily...Welcome to the jungle of L.A. stay strong sweetie. Do a Google of (( los angeles,transgender,help )) and it pulls up what are hopefully 'good sites'. Be careful...I am so sounding like some old poot...you live there so if anyone would know-can I get a DOAH medal with a very small pink and purple ribbon please? I still have my Tee shirt from there..."I got my heart broke and stomped on all over so all I got to show for it is this lousy tee shirt" I have it framed and facing the wall somewhere that it doesn't matter anymore B) The shades make it cool and if you've been crying the red doesn't show if you have no eye drops. I'm glad you came back too Emily. DO take care and do be CAREFUL...please...and no playing around on the grounds at La Brea hear?!!? Take care dear, Kelly Ann

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Guest DeniseNM
My ex was the same way, the woman that I have been w/ for the past 2 years, almost 3 actually has been more suportive about this than anyother person that I have met but something is in the back of her mind that she won't tell me & it has me worried. I don't know what to do about it.

Sofia the only advice I can give you is to be loving and supportive of her and let her know that you are there to talk about whatever is bothering her but that you aren't going to push because you love her and you are worried about her (not about you or your relationship). I know it worked with getting my wife to talk to me about her worries and fear with all of this with me being TG.

Emily congrats on the new apartment :D , that is so awesome to hear. I am sure you will find the right support group for you just have a little faith in your higher power. Keep up your spirits though, and remember you are loved here and the same goes for you Sofia you are loved too.

Denise

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Guest CellaBoo09

Awww girl don't even fret over it, there are plenty of fine a** men...or woman in the world for you. It's always hard because I''v been through once before but like Lenoa Lewis says (I think its her) "It alllll gets betterrr, in time!"

Hang in there.

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Guest Emily.SoCal
Hi Emily...Welcome to the jungle of L.A. stay strong sweetie. Do a Google of (( los angeles,transgender,help )) and it pulls up what are hopefully 'good sites'. Be careful...I am so sounding like some old poot...you live there so if anyone would know-can I get a DOAH medal with a very small pink and purple ribbon please? I still have my Tee shirt from there..."I got my heart broke and stomped on all over so all I got to show for it is this lousy tee shirt" I have it framed and facing the wall somewhere that it doesn't matter anymore B) The shades make it cool and if you've been crying the red doesn't show if you have no eye drops. I'm glad you came back too Emily. DO take care and do be CAREFUL...please...and no playing around on the grounds at La Brea hear?!!? Take care dear, Kelly Ann

Hehe, "Welcome to the Jungle". I grew up with that Guns N Roses song, watching that music video of the farm kid losing his mind in the jungle of LA. It's an exaggeration, but that doesn't mean it isn't still a jungle in it's own way! I still love it though.

About the DOAH medal, what's DOAH stand for? You've got me all curious now.

Thanks for the welcome back. :)

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Guest Emily.SoCal
Awww girl don't even fret over it, there are plenty of fine a** men...or woman in the world for you. It's always hard because I''v been through once before but like Lenoa Lewis says (I think its her) "It alllll gets betterrr, in time!"

Hang in there.

OMG, all I can think about is men right now. I've kind of had it with other women. I want to date a guy so badly right now (I even have a crush all picked out), but, no, this is going to take some time. Patience, patience, patience.

But thanks for reminding me of all the fish in the sea. You're so right.

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Now that is better, I'm in the waiting stages myself.

I haven't got one picked out but once I admitted to myself that I was a transsexual, I have been noticing that men are a lot better looking than they were before. :wub:

I never allowed myself to look. :blush:

I suddenly realize how nice it would feel to have someone put their arm around my shoulder and let me lean my head against his chest and just sit quietly by a fire. :wub:

But that will have to wait. :banghead:

When the divorce is final and I'm back with my therapist, we are going to start horomones and I willl start doing a little window shopping . Just window shopping for now!

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest Elizabeth K

Well I am not sure why I am posting - I really don't have any ideas or sources. I wonder if anyone in the S.O. Forum could help in a backwards way - I mean, they are concerned about how they can cope, and AREN'T taking off - at least not yet. Surely they have some ideas...

And I had a 50-50 with my S.O. of 10 years - a close thing. If she had left, like you I suppose I would have had my therapist. Other than that I would have turned to my grown children. Perhaps you may have a good friend or two to share with

Of coures there is always Laura's - both the forum and chat. Chat is a tool for working things out, and we forget about it, sometimes.

Hope this helps somehow.

Lizzy

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Guest Emily.SoCal

Right there with ya, Sally. -- as soon as I came to terms myself I allowed myself to look.

I suddenly realize how nice it would feel to have someone put their arm around my shoulder and let me lean my head against his chest and just sit quietly by a fire. :wub:

God, that made me all warm and fuzzy and melty inside. That sounds so nice.

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Guest CharliTo

I ...might move to LA soon? (for film)...not sure...anyways, I almost wish I am there already to give you a supporting hug :( I myself just experienced a sad loss...and I hope you can keep urself busy to just keep on going. *hug* We're here for support :3

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Guest Sofiadragon
I ...might move to LA soon? (for film)...not sure...anyways, I almost wish I am there already to give you a supporting hug :( I myself just experienced a sad loss...and I hope you can keep urself busy to just keep on going. *hug* We're here for support :3

No matter what the situation all that we can do is look forward & realize that all we can do is make our own lifes better.

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Guest Emily.SoCal
I ...might move to LA soon? (for film)...not sure...anyways, I almost wish I am there already to give you a supporting hug :( I myself just experienced a sad loss...and I hope you can keep urself busy to just keep on going. *hug* We're here for support :3

Heya, CharliTo!

Thanks for the comment. *hugs* :)

I see you're from Hawaii. That's a tough choice -- Hawaii and LA are both great places. I moved out from Ohio a few years ago and I don't regret it one bit. LA is a crazy city, but it's so huge that it still has so many great parts and people. I hope you get to move here and experience it. And a career in film? That sounds so exciting. Once upon a time, I was planning on coming out here to get into film.

Loss. It's hard isn't it? What else is there to say. Keeping busy is definitely a good plan. That's what I've been focusing on. I was just telling someone else how lucky I feel to have these forums because it's one way to keep busy.

Hugs,

Emily

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Im sooo sorry to hear that girl. the only thing I can say is that everything happens for a reason. I know it hurts, but you can get past it. You will survie. Hugs. Just be strong.

Always Karma

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